Struggling and feel alone

[Tay-T]

Hi! 3 years ago I came out of a long term 7 year domestically violent relationship. 6 months after I met someone new with 2 kids to 2 different mums. He is 34 I am 28. He seemed to be perfect but I was always in the middle of the exs who one constantly threatened me to the point I had to leave my beach apartment and move and the other is closer to his family then I am even 3 years after they split she goes to all of the family events etc. that initially put a lot of stress in the relationship. After only a few months into the relationship his 1 yr old son started calling me mum. As time went on I fell pregnant twice in 1 year and we had to terminate as our life was too full on with his 1yo full time and 5yo part time. Since then my hormones have been all over the place but he started screaming at me swerving the car while driving intentionally trying to scare me in fits of rage. (He is a reformed drug addict) but he is very extrovert and talks to anyone/compulsive lies about silly things eg makes up stories that didn’t happen. Since that started he would become distant if I didn’t sleep with him 1-2 times a day he began starting fights over nothing eg. Abuse me for not wrapping the watermelon properly in the fridge. For so long I feel like I endured mental torment I began thinking maybe I am a narcissist Because he would always seem to find a way to make me to blame for absolutely everything. We get no time together as a couple it’s just instant step mum & dad. All of a sudden he has left me saying he is seeing other people 1 day after everything was fine. I know it seems trivial but I left my whole life that I rebuilt after so long in a violent relationship. I gave up my apartment because of the death threats from his ex I gave up my job to raise his son I’ve put on so much weight from all of the stress and now I’m just left alone to pick up all the peices again I feel like everything is my fault and how could this happen twice I am so scared of how to rebuild every again alone with nothing I just don’t know if I have the energy to do it all again I am terrified and heartbroken and feel so alone. I have lost all faith in ever being happy again.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Tay,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story.

We are so sorry to hear about what you have gone through with your former partner. It sounds like you're in a really tough space and it might help to talk it out.

We'd recommend getting in touch with the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

You might also find some ideas in reading the stories of others. Some threads you might be interested in reading include:

"Moving on after leaving emotionally abusive relationship" 

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/moving-on-after-leaving-emotiona...

"Trying to end an abusive relationship"

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/...

"Reset button"

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/reset-button#qwRpXHHzvGGEbv8AAOn...

Hopefully, a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this time of adjustment.

[Croix]

Dear Tay-T~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here. Sophie gives good advice so I'm glad you met her already.

You sound like a most loving and generous person with a great deal of empathy and patience. Putting up with his ex, leaving your job, giving up some chances of having your own children and loving his are character traits any sensible person would appreciate and value you highly for.

The sort of abuse you have experienced is terrible for you and even would have had a bad effect on the kids. Sadly when in this situation self worth and self confidence are worn away until one doubts one can do anything. It's not true though, you can -and even be happy again (no, I would not beleive that either at this point, but it is true).

Heart-break and fear together can make the world seem hopeless and lets one forget there are good people and circumstances in the world.

Yes, you have invested a lot, emotionally and physically in this relationship, so it is easy to understand why you might feel overwhelmed at the idea of picking up the shattered pieces of you life and coping.

Can I suggest -if you have not already done so - contacting 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 - and talking over realistically what your options are. Things are not easy. Perhaps apart from practical advice they can lend some perspective.

Do you mind if I ask if you are having medical support to help with all the stress at the moment? Also do you have anyone in your family or a friend you can be with, talk frankly with and feel cared for?

Please know you can sing out here anytime about anything and you'll be welcomed

Croix