Hi MissC
My heart goes out to you as you struggle with something which can feel like both a gift and a curse at various times. An incredibly strong imagination can lead us to clearly see in our mind a variety of possibilities regarding the way forward. Whether it involves the best case scenario or the worst case scenario, whatever we're visualising in there can come with some incredibly strong emotions which can be felt. With you mentioning you don't look forward to anything, you could say that you do but what you're looking forward or ahead to down the track is largely stressful and you can feel it (that vision).
While it can feel impossible to go from visualising the worst case scenarios to the best, I've found the next best thing can involve breaking the habit of only seeing the worst. One thing I found helpful is guided meditation. It gets you into the practice of exercising the imagination is calm ways. Gives the nervous system a break from our mind only visualising and focusing on the worst. It's the practice of seeing differently. Eventually you can develop your own meditations. You can meet whoever you want in your imagination. Could be someone calming or someone inspiring or someone sage-like (who holds the answers to your questions). Of course, when what's stressful takes over our imagination, it can be incredibly hard refocusing back toward what we want to imagine, that thing or person who serves us in positive ways.
In general (not always), mums are a whole different breed when it comes to how they feel things. Being a mum to a 23yo daughter and 20yo son, I can feel the joy, amusement, inspiration etc my daughter's partner brings her. They've been together for just over 4 years and I could not have asked for a better partner for her. He's amazing. He amazes me often. On the other hand, if I was to feel the mental, emotional and physical abuse a partner led my son or daughter to experience, I would struggle to maintain my composure. Whether it's our little girl or little boy, no matter their age they're our cubs forever. A lioness can be a fierce creature at times, hey. I don't believe a single word has to be uttered, unless there's a need, when a lioness's look says everything you want it to. The right expression sets a clear boundary. Maybe you could consider the two birds/one stone factor and seek out a guided meditation to meet with your inner lioness. Plenty of this kind of meditation to choose from on the internet. If meditation's not your thing, call it something different such as '15 minutes of positive imagining'. How it leads you to feel might surprise you. A 15 minute difference is still a difference and can be classed as progress.
