Spiraling due to loss of relationship

[AliC_]

Two weeks ago my boyfriend of a 1 1/2 years broke up with me. We’ve been really close friends for nearly 8 years and so loosing him has been hard. He broke up with me due to both our ongoing mental health issues (I have anxiety, depression and stress disorders). He also will no longer speak to me and his family are the same. I lived with them for the last 8 months and began to feel part of their family. Plus I have other stress factors in my life- I’m a second year university student and a recent break down of my dad and step mother’s marriage so life really feels pretty bleak right now. Any ideas for getting through this heartbreak and this spiral. I am seeing a counsellor in the next fortnight.

[Mr__Irrational]

There's probably a few things at play here,

- His family is not a fan of you (for whatever reason) and are quite vocal to him and you about it

- His depression may also be impacting him and he's pushing you away

- He may genuinely not want to continue with the relationship, he just may not have those feelings anymore

Families can be a powerful force in relationships when they're allowed in the inner circle of a relationship

If I was you, focus inwards, accept that it's over and move forward.

If he reaches out, decide if you want to talk to him. But for now...don't chase him...show him how strong you are...move forward not backwards

[AliC_]

I just don’t know what to do. Because he was such a big part of my life for so long and we continue to have mutual friends I feel very lost and I have constant reminders of what he has done to me.

i absolutely agree that his family have had a big day it this as has his depression but I just want to be able to support him through this and know that he is ok.

[quirkywords]

R3nzk1 and Mr irrational,

I want to welcome you both to the forum.

Thanks for replying to AliC and giving your supportive response.

once again welcome to the forum

AliC, you have been given helpful suggestions here.
it is your decision what you do next.
it is hard when a relationship breaks up when you wanted it to continue.

I understand you feel lost and confused.

I am sure you will work out what to do . It make time you time .

[geoff]

Hello AliC, it seems as though you are passionate about trying to help him, but unfortunately, his family may not let you know where he is and how he is feeling and with these mutual friends may also be close to his family and told not to mention where or how he is getting on, I'm sorry.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[AliC_]

Thank you all for the help. I do know where he is physically and somewhat emotionally (I helped him move before we split) I don’t actually think his family know the extent of his mental health and have seen it as I broke up with him rather than the way that it was where he broke up with me. Our friends aren’t close to his family at all and they’ve mostly been supporting me during all of this and think that the break up was unwarranted. I’ve decided for the moment to just let this be. I don’t want to think about it too hard anymore because it just keeps opening new wounds and creating bigger issues. I can’t help but want to message him and keep tabs on him but I know that will come across as stalker like and so for the moment I’m trying to focus on me. I just keep posting here hoping to find some relatable or reliable advice which I think I have found.

[geoff]

Hello AliC, I understand where you are standing and it's always very sad when a relationship does break up for whatever reason this may be, but when you do find another person, you can't remember what happened with him, because this new person has a different personality and wants to explore what you love doing in life.

It will open up your personality in a different way and likely to do the same with him, explore this enjoyment and happiness, the past will only stop you from experiencing a new life, your new friend will only want to please you, just as you will with him, that's what you need to concentrate on.

Open your heart up to them, they will cherish you.

Geoff.

[Guest_3256]

Hi AliC.

You sound like you have a lot of compassion for yourself and others, especially the ex. How much do you have to really put up with this silent treatment? People who are healthy minded don't use depression as an excuse for breaking up. There's so many people out there who play silly little games and uses strange and weird excuses/phrases to break up (for what ever their silly reasons are), which only makes their partner feel even more confused, hurt and emotionally drained because they're only really thinking about themselves, not their partner.

Selfish people cannot commit to themselves so they cannot commit to others and if you cannot commit, you cannot love.

Stay strong, be brave, be better than before.

[AliC_]

Hi Jsua

I have to put up with it a lot. I have a lot of mutual friends with my ex and we both game regularly together on an online space so it’s taken a toll on that. I’m trying really hard to move forward but I just don’t know how. I don’t want to date someone new but I don’t want to wait for him.

[geoff]

Hello AliC, you wouldn't be able to date someone new if you haven't been able to get over the previous person, if you carry any baggage it's only going to affect a new relationship.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Lolue]

Hi AliC,

I hope you have been well since your last posts. Break ups can be tough espicially to those you felt a strong connection with. I think speaking to a counsellor is a great step.

Is there any hobbies you like to do? I found during break ups keeping my mind busy and focused on positive things helpful.

Exercise can be helpful aswell such as going out for a walk or joining a yoga class

I think its okay if your not ready to date again. Use this time to focus on yourself, do small things to show self love. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to your favourite meal, read your favourite book, rewatch your favourite movies & tv shows. I know this may seem corny and lame. But these little things can help make you feel a little bit better.

I hope this helps, warm regards, lolue