Spiraling due to loss of relationship

[AliC_]

Two weeks ago my boyfriend of a 1 1/2 years broke up with me. We’ve been really close friends for nearly 8 years and so loosing him has been hard. He broke up with me due to both our ongoing mental health issues (I have anxiety, depression and stress disorders). He also will no longer speak to me and his family are the same. I lived with them for the last 8 months and began to feel part of their family. Plus I have other stress factors in my life- I’m a second year university student and a recent break down of my dad and step mother’s marriage so life really feels pretty bleak right now. Any ideas for getting through this heartbreak and this spiral. I am seeing a counsellor in the next fortnight.

[geoff]

Hello AliC, just wondering how you are going.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_3256]

AliC.

I empathize with you so much as it can leave you feeling anything but happy. It can cause one to feel a deep loss of connection/bond and wondering do they even love me.

If you really love this person and you want to be with them, even if they do have difficulties (we are human and not perfect) you can still be with them. You have to step back and see what things you can do to change the dynamic of your relationship. Most people are too quick to throw away the towel, it's the one's that fight for who they love and care for that are the strongest.

In saying that, there is a fine line between please and pain, don't be stuck in the middle like you are, find our footings and just like a puzzle, try to put the pieces together and make your life the way you want to live it.

If your boyfriend is playing games, you can tell him to get his act together otherwise you'll be moving on.

[AliC_]

Hi everyone thanks for reaching out to me again.

I’m slowly being able to accept where I am at right now and see where I am going to go from here. I have reached out to him quite a bit and haven’t gotten anything back but from now on I’m just letting it be. He knows I am here for him if he needs me.

[geoff]

Hello AliC, thanks for getting back to us, we tend to worry about how your situation is going and the other time frame is what you consider it should be and how long you feel you want it to be.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[AliC_]

Tonight I generally feel not ok. I tried meeting some new people and it didn’t go great and now I feel like I can’t be loved. It took me so long to open up to the idea of being loved and now that’s tone I feel like I don’t deserve it again. It’s a real hurting stage.

[Sophie_M]

Hey AliC,

Thanks for posting to the Beyond Blue forums tonight,

We're sorry to hear that today has been difficult for you. We think you should be really proud of yourself for trying to meet new people, this can be such a hard thing to do. Why do you feel it did not go well? It can be hard to connect with people from one or two meetings, sometimes it takes a few conversations to feel yourself and the other person open up.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.


 

[geoff]

Hello AliC, when people are feeling like this, it's hard to know when people are trying to love you, we can't recognise it, nor can we accept they feel like this, only because in a way it makes us feel unaware that being loved or valued in some way makes us feel angry and can trigger negative thoughts of disbelief, only because that's what we feel we have missed out on over a previous timeframe.

It's a slow process to understand that you do deserve this and trying to build up positive thoughts, it's not easy, but take it slowly, day by day.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[AliC_]

Tonight was the first time since anyone posted that I felt down. I’ve taken a higher dosage of my medication thanks to my gp recently and have been taking stuff to help me sleep which has left me feeling a lot better. Over the past 24 hours though I had the feeling over overwhelming unhappiness and loneliness creep in. It was these feelings I felt when the break up was quite fresh and after a strange dream triggered these feelings im left wondering again. I’m holding out strong and trying to make it so that I’m not bothering anyone with these problems. I just can’t help wondering what I did wrong

[geoff]

Hello AliC, loneliness can affect how you are feeling and this can still happen within that 24 hour period and anyone who is not in this position always says that you should be happy, that's far from the truth, no one can be happy all of the time.

At times we push others away because we don't want to burden them with our problems, in the event they are capable of understanding what we're going through, and to them, it may not seem to be a problem at all, only because they are not having to face the personal situation you're in.

You might have to adjust to the stronger medication and this may cause the way you are feeling and once you start asking yourself questions you have no answer to, then your position may begin to slide downwards, try not to keep asking questions for a situation you're unsure of at the moment and take care.

Geoff.

[AliC_]

Hi everyone. I’m back. I really don’t feel like I’ve made progress since I started this thread- I’ve seen numerous psychologists, counsellor and psychiatrists - had several tests done and it all has come back to you just have depression and your treatment is working. I feel exhausted and like I’m not getting better and I seriously don’t know how much I can cope with this.