Hello everyone,
It would mean a lot to get a response but I'm writing to get all these feelings off my chest... What is worse than feeling worthless and not loved at all? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and have been through a lot but it saddens me how I still feel unrecognized and not worth it at all. Sometimes, I dont know anymore who to hate. Is it me, for being so sensitive and emotional? That I give way too much for him? Is it me that I always want him around. That the thought of losing him scares me.. It hurts me so much that I cannot be honest with him at all without being judge or him attacking me with his own words. So I try, I try to live with those "short-happy moments" because thats when I'm happy. And I would rather that than him getting angry at me and leaving me.
I do know he loves me, but only in certain levels. Only when i'm okay. When its easy to love me. when its convinient for him.. Yet, I still choose to stay because I am hoping, hoping he would one day see how Ive been there through it all. That i never left.
My anxiety is getting worse.. My depression is slowly coming back. Im not sure how long I can hold it all together and convince myself that it is going to be okay.. soon..
My heart is crying. I want to rest for months. I want to sleep for months maybe he would then miss me and see my worth.
Im extremely tired.
