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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Looshy the cause of my depression and what to do?!
  • replies: 4

So i dont want to get into too much detail so ill try my best to keep it short. I am a 34 year old married man with a 4 year old boy and 6 month old twins. 3 year ago i had was under fair amount of pressure with in job which resulted in a terrible me... View more

So i dont want to get into too much detail so ill try my best to keep it short. I am a 34 year old married man with a 4 year old boy and 6 month old twins. 3 year ago i had was under fair amount of pressure with in job which resulted in a terrible mental break down i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. it resulted with me seeing 2 doctor's a therapist and i ridiculous amount of medication. I was determined to get better and worked real hard on doing so not for me but for my wife and kids. I faced a few issues that i had been avoiding which hellped with my recovery and i did come out of it a better version of who i was. I stop my medication about a year ago (which was horrible to go through) and stoped seeing my therapist, like i said i have 3 kids and a career. What i learnt though was how to identify what makes me anxious and or depressed. And the cause of all my depression even prior to my melt down is my mum and sister, they are just terrible for my mental health and creat a toxic environment that leaves mentally exhausted. Do i just not vist and leave when they come to see the kids? Which is a different kind of stress all together? Do i confront them and cause an argument and divisions between the rest of my siblings and dad? Im at a loss... and feel like im slowly sinking to were i was 3 years ago

Matt13 Depressed and Alone
  • replies: 1

Going through a tough time at the moment back on 5/2/17 my 10-year relationship was ended. I have been suffering from depression and Anxiety for a very very long time before my 10-year relationship I was on Disability Pension because of it. I met my ... View more

Going through a tough time at the moment back on 5/2/17 my 10-year relationship was ended. I have been suffering from depression and Anxiety for a very very long time before my 10-year relationship I was on Disability Pension because of it. I met my ex online and we kicked it off right away she suffers from depression as well but not as bad as me she works full time now for 20 years. My anxiety gets in the way of me looking and holding any sort of work. My ex knew all this when we started seeing each other I then moved to Sydney to be with her leaving my only home and friends and my 2 children from another relationship/marriage. Everything was great for awhile I was going TAFE I but when I lost my pension because my ex-was earning too much $$$ I started to fall into my deep depression as well. We had our ups and downs my ex's father had to come and live with us again because he was dying so both he and my mother in law moved back in. This caused a lot of friction but I became a full-time carer for my ex's dying father. After he, unfortunately, passed away I went back into a deep depression I did another TAFE course in community services but with the rising costs if TAFE we could not afford me to do any more study (I did not want to be in any form of debt not trusting the current govenment. My ex's brother then had his marriage fail and he himself moved in as well. Everything was fine for a bit I did most of the housework while trying to find work. Then my mother in law started saying she wanted it out because I could not find work. I noticed her talking to my ex behind my back and one day she just walked in on me and said "get out" that was the 5/2/17 far as I know my ex did discuss it with my mother in Law but I was busy trying to pack my stuff at the time. I flew out the same day back home in Adeleide with my mom at the house I grew up in. My ex is very cold to me in texts she said she misses me and she loves me but that's not enough. Because I could not get a job our relationship is over poof! 10 years. I'm finding it very hard to understand because I was not, not doing nothing I was cleaning, washing etc I was doing what I could to show I was and wanted to help my ex and her family. As well as looking for work but I suppose being unemployed for so long was too much of a burden on my ex and her family.

Mznicole Feeling lost and alone
  • replies: 2

I'm 28 years old and about to have my 3rd child in about 2 weeks my other 2 children are 2yrs old and 3yrs old... I don't have many friends and i don't have a supportive family.. my fiancé is basically my friend, my love, my family he is my everythin... View more

I'm 28 years old and about to have my 3rd child in about 2 weeks my other 2 children are 2yrs old and 3yrs old... I don't have many friends and i don't have a supportive family.. my fiancé is basically my friend, my love, my family he is my everything. But I'm starting to feel lost when I feel like our relationship is more or a friendship then anything else and I don't have anyone I can talk to, in a nutshell we feel pregnant 3 months of dating and he was just the type of guy who stayed because he felt he had to even though he would never say that I've always felt that. I believe if I didn't keep our first child we wouldn't be together.. I cry all the time when I'm alone because I never thought I would be 28 years old and feel all alone and I rely on my fiancé for everything. I was always so independent and now I have nothing. I feel like he has that over me and he also knows if I didn't have him I would have nothing.. I just want to feel like I'm worth something, feel important. I see a lot of mums having lunch with there friends and children and I'm always on my own with my babies.. am I just being selfish? Should I just continue living this life where I'm just so lost and lonely??

Thetormentofexistence Struggling to move on..
  • replies: 12

Hi all, I've never posted anything like this before but I think it would be good for me to get my feelings out. On New Year's Eve things ended between me and my on again off again boyfriend. I'm sad to say that everytime it was off it was my decision... View more

Hi all, I've never posted anything like this before but I think it would be good for me to get my feelings out. On New Year's Eve things ended between me and my on again off again boyfriend. I'm sad to say that everytime it was off it was my decision to end things. I was a selfish girlfriend, my reasons would be things like "we are too different" and "you deserve better". I still do believe these things, perhaps it was my constant negativity instead of rationally working things out that led to the final outcome. It has been 2 months and I still miss him so much. I think about him all day everyday, I dream about him nearly everynight. I know we will never get back together - he has told me not to contact him again. I don't blame him as I have constantly manipulated him in the past. I just wish I could go back to the start, be happy with him and work on our problems instead of throwing it away whenever things became difficult. I know that he would have already moved on from me, I just can't seem to let go of the love we had. I look at our pictures and old conversations, I cry uncontrollably at the fact that I ruined everything. He honestly treated me like a queen and I treated him like dirt. I have read stories where people cannot move on from their ex for at least a year or longer... I don't want to be like that.. I want to let go and be happy. It breaks my heart that I wake up and feel this constant pain everyday. Does anybody else feel this way? Has anyone else been through this? How can I be happy without him?

Matt13 lost my 10 year relationship
  • replies: 2

I'm a 44-year-old male and just over a month ago I was kicked out of my mother in laws house because I could not find work. I suffer from depression and anxiety with massive panic attacks when it comes to finding work and joining the workforce as wel... View more

I'm a 44-year-old male and just over a month ago I was kicked out of my mother in laws house because I could not find work. I suffer from depression and anxiety with massive panic attacks when it comes to finding work and joining the workforce as well as social anxiety even though that has been getting a lot better for me thanks to psychologist help. It all went down in hours my ex's mother walked into our bedroom and told me to leave then my ex booked me a plane ticket and I flew back home in hours. When we got to the airport I could not even hug her goodbye I just walked away. When I got home (my mother's home where I was brought up). Since then I have gotten on welfare gotten to see a psychologist and got my stuff together as best I could. I have not talked to my ex by phone since only text she's very cold she says she still loves me and misses me but that's not enough. The thing is we did break up before like this before but it was 2 years ago and I was visiting my mom and dad (since passed away) and my ex's mom rang my mom and said she did not want me to return. But after awhile my ex and I made up despite never getting any apology from my mother in law. Has anyone else found it hard to find work and it leading to a long term relationship breaking up and has found a way through?

Guest_5487 Boyfriends depression. What to do?
  • replies: 7

My boyfriend (Aden) of 2 years (and bestfriend of 9 years) has been diagnosed with depression; he's very distant and doesn't open up anymore. Before he got bad, he would have no problem opening up and telling me whats going on and now he just pushes ... View more

My boyfriend (Aden) of 2 years (and bestfriend of 9 years) has been diagnosed with depression; he's very distant and doesn't open up anymore. Before he got bad, he would have no problem opening up and telling me whats going on and now he just pushes me away and that's what hurts the most. He'll be super touchy and starts fights about the stupidest things, or when he's done something that has gotten to me and then asks whats wrong and I tell him, he's gotta get defensive straight away and put the blame on me and basically make me feel worse about feeling the way I do. Now it's reached to the point where I feel as if I can't talk to him about how I feel or anything in general. He's becoming very distant with his friends, he's one to always go out with the boys on the weekend and have a few beers but now I'm lucky to get him out of the house once a month; and now his friends are thinking I'm the one who is making him stay at home to have "quite ones" because he doesn't want me to tell his friends what's going on. One night I told one of his closest friends, who is also my cousin, because Aden pushed him up against a wall and threatened him for a total minor misunderstanding so I felt like I needed to explain his actions, yes I know it's not my place to say anything but he's my cousin and one of Aden's best friends so I didn't know what else to do; when I told Aden that he knew, he flipped. He's totally changed and I feel like he's not the guy that I fell inlove with. He's not affectionate anymore and on the rare occasion he is, it's just because he wants sex and then straight after it's back to basically being non-existent. He doesn't ever want to go out for breakfast/lunch/tea, nor go to to movies or the beach, he'd much rather stay home and watch Netflix or sleep. He's been seeing a psychologist but he keeps cancelling his appointments and not telling me he's canceled them until after the appointment was supposed to be, so now it's resulted in me booking his appointments, telling work I have to leave early on the day of his appointments just so I can basically babysit him and make sure he attends. He goes on about how "I'm the only person" to make him feel better about everything that's happening yet I feel like I'm worthless, that I mean nothing and I'm not helping at all with the way he's treating me. I have tried talking to him and even went to his Mum but even she is stuck herself. What do I do? I feel so lost and I don't want to lose him.

Qxz I feel lonely but don't live alone?
  • replies: 1

Since the decease of my parents I have had to take on the responsibility of being independent. I have recently moved from living with my auntie to my older brothers house. The environment I was in at my aunties was unreasonable for me to live in and ... View more

Since the decease of my parents I have had to take on the responsibility of being independent. I have recently moved from living with my auntie to my older brothers house. The environment I was in at my aunties was unreasonable for me to live in and I believed the close relationship I have with my brother would mean we could get along living together. I prepared myself for the cons aswell as the pros. However since moving I have just completely crashed. At home I live with my brother and his girlfriend. They are often fighting due to her bipolar and other problems. My brother is always out doing his own thing or caring for his girlfriend and barely gives me any attention. We will talk here and there and maybe watch a movie together but at the end of the day we're living very separate lives. I feel like I haven't moved in with my brother, I feel as though i've just boarded a room with random housemates. Me and my brother have fought a few times since moving in, which is normal but I don't handle anger well and I usually just burst into tears. I look up to my brother and I consider everything he says. He can be a very angry , selfish person and not realise that he actually says some really hurtful things to me. I understand I'm getting used to my new place and the way things work here but I feel completely alone in all of it. Independence is something someone should have to experience when transitioning from adolescence to adulthood, not when a girl's just turned 16. Doing my own washing, cooking my own food, doctors appointments, working, shopping, transport, school everything I do I do on my own and it has been quite overwhelming. I know this is just something I will have to get used to, like any independent. I want to work on my relationship with my brother so I can feel content and know he's there when he needs me. Not this feeling of going to bed in an empty house... Yet I don't know how to build on things without getting in the way too much and making things awkward. I understand everyone needs alone space too..

Stargirl23 Avoiding Family due to Mental Health
  • replies: 3

I've been dealing with mental health issues for approx 4 years now and for a lot of that time i have avoided my extended family (aunties, uncles & cousins) for a lot of this time because I just can't deal with them and what I feel are their judgmenta... View more

I've been dealing with mental health issues for approx 4 years now and for a lot of that time i have avoided my extended family (aunties, uncles & cousins) for a lot of this time because I just can't deal with them and what I feel are their judgmental and noisy views. I understand that family is important but I feel very uncomfortable when i am around them or when my life and issues are being openly discussed. I am a very private person so find it hard to open up to people at the best of times so have a really hard time with this. They are always wanting to know what I am doing in terms of work/study and at the moment I am doing neither due to having a bit of a breakdown but do not want to disclose this to everyone. I feel like they don't really have much understanding or compassion to mental health things either which just makes it worse. Even though I realise that avoiding is an unhealthy coping mechanism, i dont see how I can't not do it. The thought of going to a function with my family and getting constantly questioned about things that are none of their business gives me so much anxiety I just can't bare it. I guess what I'm wanting to know is that other than your own experiences or thoughts about it, whether its actually that big of a deal? I have been made aware (from others around me) that it is but I figure I am just trying to do what is right for me so I can cope and don't feel that close to many of them anyway. Any advice?

hannaK Should I move on or keep waiting
  • replies: 3

This is something that has kept me up for over two weeks and every day I cry about it. After a long time from being estranged from my father ( due to domestic violence against my mother) I went to vist him all was good but he took out an intervention... View more

This is something that has kept me up for over two weeks and every day I cry about it. After a long time from being estranged from my father ( due to domestic violence against my mother) I went to vist him all was good but he took out an intervention order against me saying that he wants no contact. Anyway two years passed we met again by chance we spoke ; he said he loved me and gave me a hug. I gave him my phone number and asked for his, he said he has a message bank and he will call me which he repeated. He also mentioned the past on how my mother took him to court over domestic violence and repeated this several times but seemed nice enough . I sent some photos and a Birthday card to his address ( he received it however has since moved and I don't know where he lives, I saw him checking his letter box driving passed). It hurts me that i know he has other adult children (first marriage ) and is active is their lives and I'm rejected. Everyday I wait for a phone call , hope he can reconnect with me and it is constantly on my mind ; why he doesn't want to meet me and why my mum didn't let me see him when he seems like a nice man. I'm always thinking about this and don't know if I should keep waiting for that phone call or let it be.

hawaiian_robot LDR ex broke up with me, but no major negative emotions so far?
  • replies: 3

I'm posting on beyond blue because I have MH issues (C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, all that good stuff). I went from not having any coping skills at all - ex-gf even looking at jobs interstate would send me into a panic attack, couldn't handle even th... View more

I'm posting on beyond blue because I have MH issues (C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, all that good stuff). I went from not having any coping skills at all - ex-gf even looking at jobs interstate would send me into a panic attack, couldn't handle even the slightest criticism from anyone without being a mess - to being much more resilient. She has some MH problems too but she's mostly treated and stabilised, a bit more functional and productive than me. I was upset when I dropped her at the airport a month ago, but I kinda expected that, and I was missing her pet cats too. In the week leading up to the break-up, we were texting as we always have even when living together, but I had some hiccups not related to long-distance (didn't hear back about a job I really wanted), which put me in a really bad place, and I just wanted to talk to her about it, but she did a week of night shift, so I held on and reached out to others. Crying, feeling really low, having thoughts about dying, that kind of thing, part of my ups and downs that I've gotten much better at dealing with with therapy and medication. I was pretty distraught about some other thing on Wednesday and called because her I knew she'd be free, being apart wasn't great but again wasn't the main problem. I bounced back a bit, but was feeling kinda needy and doing stuff I normally wouldn't like looking for a time to book flights to go see her, as I was somehow thinking it would keep up the momentum and we wouldn't drift? Hearing that LDRs tend to drift when there isn't a concrete end date was also playing on my mind too. She said that for a while she felt like she's the only thing keeping me together and happy, but I had been making peace with her wants, go off and do things like see the world a lot more than me, work for MSF, and I don't want to feel like I'm responsible for holding someone back. If I'd known she was hoping space (physical, at least) would make her feel better about things, I probably would have backed right off, she's asked me to give her space in the past which I did with little problem. A few days on, the only time I've been upset is when I was speaking to my sister, talking about our childhood, the source of the C-PTSD. Not a single bad feeling about all this, even though I'm a bit disappointed she's broken up with me, and I'm not trying to justify it as being "on a break" but a definite, ironclad break up. Is there something wrong with me?