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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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tbb176 can’t get over ex
  • replies: 3

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and... View more

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and make up so many jokes and everytime i go to hit him not in a bad way he would get angry. no matter what i do he doesn’t care. it’s a toxic as relationship but whenever i’m not talking to him or we have had a fight i start to shut down and get depressed and want to give up. i can’t do it and then he would come back to me and i was the happiest but everytime he would leave i hated it. recently he got into a relationship and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. at school we would just walk past each other like strangers and sometimes yell at each other, i miss him so much and i know i need to let go but it’s literally so hard. he’s got me so attached. also when he wants something he always gets it no matter what, he hates it when he doesn’t get his own way all the time. he’s a user. he’s used me so many times and i kept going back to him. i’ve lost so many friends because of him. i’m completely broken because of him and i can’t deal with it anymore

Justlikemeyourdamagedgood Struggling to cope after my divorce
  • replies: 4

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there wer... View more

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there were anyone out there that knows how to get passed this

AlreadyNobody Depressed after rocky breakup
  • replies: 4

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date wh... View more

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date which really got on my nerves, so therefor in my mind I figured id spend as much time as i can with her at school.. It didn't turn out well, I was looking forward to a date with her for weeks and she felt I was too suffocating and that her feelings had changed and felt that I was clingy and obsessive so she canceled the date 3 hours before, I was shattered, she then said she would decide over the weekend if she wanted to be together, I had heard enough and broke up that night, I then started texting her again and I asked her the question if she wanted to get back together weeks later, she said yes, then told me she loved me that night and the next day promptly dumped me and said "oh I meant as a friend", I feel so shattered, all my friends argued against me getting back with her, I didn't listen, now to deal with the teasing, I feel so depressed and defeated.

AskingQuestions After the Affair
  • replies: 8

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair... View more

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair partner and want to be with her, but I’m severely concerned about my wife’s mental health (we have 2 children who are 5 or younger) and that is the only reason I have stayed. Since she found out, my wife has been seeing our therapist at times several times a week, has gone on medication, has self-harmed and honestly, I’m worried for her greater wellbeing. She has been hospitalised for her thoughts of harming me and herself in the past. She repeatedly tells me this is my fault, and I agree. But what can I do? I desperately want out but I couldn’t live with myself is something happened to her. I love her as the mother of my children but not as a life partner. What do I do?

Melany Trapped and confused
  • replies: 3

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relations... View more

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relationship. I was anxious about his 2 adult children but he assured me that there is no issue. There are a lot of issues and my partner can't do enough for them. J asked me to transfer a significant amount of money into his super and I did. I have been in Australia for almost 3 years and could not find a job yet. And the chances are thinner given the time gap. However we have a high maintenance property which I work hard on. It is a full time job, overwhelming sometime but I enjoy everything I do. But J does not appreciate and does not participate. All he wants is us to go away so leave the property for his son and his mates weekend fun. His son's attitude is that I do not exist or I'm worthless. He wouldn't ask permission but just text that he is "coming with my mates ...". J is blind to this attitude, he says that the kids like me and all other lies. But his son's look at me make me go to the police. I repeatedly told J how much it means to me to have my place, my personal space. But there were too many occasions when I've been hinted by his relatives or friends to let the place for the kids to enjoy or that I do not belong here. J hits at this very core value, he wants me out, travelling around, disconnected, belonging to nowhere. My money was necessary and he did his best to convince me that he loved me and that everything would be fine. I was not allowed at his daughter's engagement party but I had to sign as a guarantor for her loan. Also she wants to have the wedding at our place. So awkward... I wonder if I'm going to be asked to hide somewhere. Is there any protection for non-citizens, how can I make sure I get a decent escape from this situation.

jaalt1967 Difficult situation, am struggling
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The childr... View more

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The children do not know that we are dating and I have not been involved in their lives, we both agreed this is best for them at this stage of their lives. Prior to us dating, we have been in and out of each others lives as we went to uni together and worked together for a few years. We have always been great friends but never romantically involved up until 2.5 years ago. When she and her ex divorced (3.5 years ago], she had main custody of children as ex worked and continues to work long hours. She has been a fulltime mum to them. About 3 months ago her ex asked to have the children on a 50/50 basis and since then, they have been negotiating and trying to sort it all out..... The entire process is causing her a lot of stress ontop of the dramas of bringing up 4 children and life in general. To add to this she has just gone through menopause which exacerbates everything. This has placed stress on our relationship, she has become extremely intolerant of me, at times it feels like I am having to walk on eggshells. I completely understand what she is going through and have tried to help and support her as best as I can. Despite all this, we seem to be drifting further apart due to all this stress and fighting. I give her her space but her treatment of me is bringing out my insecurities which doesn’t help the situation. We have spoken about things when she is calm and she admits she just isn’t coping and finding everything difficult, including being in a relationship. When we have spoken about breaking up, she wavers, talks about “being friends” then saying that she is just stressed and overreacting. As selfish as it sounds, I am finding her being hot and cold and the emotional rollercoaster very difficult. I am not ready or wanting to give up on this, I love her very much and want us to get through this, just makes it very difficult when I don’t really know what she wants. She tells me she loves me and I know she does but she is just not coping with many things and our relationship is dysfunctional at the moment. I don't know what to do and can see that I am starting to internalise and get stressed with everything. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Matt1991 27, virgin male, disabled
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involv... View more

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involved in common interest groups, sporting groups Meetup events and volunteering. I have great schedule. Unfortunately the downside I am lacking attractiveness to what women wants. I think I am too honest, blunt, organised and straightforward person for a romance life. Lot of women told me that I am not physically attractive either. It frustrates me when I met lot of girls on the spectrum who are either in long term relationships and others who are single are lesbians. I am stuck in between two ironies. For the Neurotypicals it almost other way around, the ones who are in relationships aren't compatible with me but the ones who are single are but the problem the ones who are single are too party animals, have poor attitude personality problems and lack of empathy. I have been counselling for long time, 9 years worth of pschyologists and that. My depression and anxiety is still happening while I am suffering isolation, lack of human connection and intimacy. It makes me feel lost and disconnected. I have no problems on my own because I do lot of things on my own such as fit bootcamp three times a week, Parkrun club, riding bike, take photos and that etc. I have done enough being on my own. My friends do hang out with me, despite many of them are females and unfortunately they dont find me more than friends nor attractive. I am quite frustrated by how the society treats and put me in bad luck. I thought I am doing so well with many personal achievements, benefits and milestones because I am happy on that but when comes to relationships and romance it goes bad darkworld. Like Black Fridays everyday with Groundhog days. I wonder why I find so difficult to get someone to accept for who I am. I am only being myself as my name and who I am. I don't do what others do or re-create their identity. Though I feel negative of myself because of being ashamed more as I get older by having zero relationship and sex experience. Pretty funny this forums only have people with problems in their relationships. I never heard any problems from Aspie girls I met of their relationships. I live in bad luck, ironic and upside down lifestyle. Where is my lady?

Sandy centre Crush on good friends husband
  • replies: 56

Hi all I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him. I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ... View more

Hi all I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him. I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ivf path. I feel gu I am good friends with my crush 's wife however yesterday she told me that my crush is interested in someone else and it is not me.

A147 Cheating husband
  • replies: 8

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. ... View more

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. Im after clarity. ill try and be brief. I have a 5 year old daughter. In 2014 while living overseas I found out that my husband had an affair. He had told me it was a one night stand but I found out after reaching out to the other women that it had been going on (on and off) for 3 years. I left him and returned to Melbourne, Australia with my then 2 year old to my family. we separated for 6 months. mid 2015 we decided to try and make a go of it. I said he must cut contact with the women and go to counselling. He agreed. He mad a half hearted attempt at couselling. In early 2016 i discovered text messages from her, they had been corresponding. Fast forward to 2018. We have bought a property (88acre farm) together and sending my daughter to school. I noticed his phone ring with an over seas number which he was quick to decline. it was from the UK it got me thinking so I got onto her blog (she an athlete with sponsors so she blogs on internet) and discovered that she had been in Adelaide around the time my husband had been down there for work. He denied going near her and that she had tried asking him out for drinks. I have been burying my head in the sand due to the rather large financial and emotional sacrifice I have made for this man and the crap I have to put up from him on a daily basis and now I feel like I have to write yet another email to her to find out whether he is telling the truth. I am so ashamed that I had gone against family and friends advice and gone back to him thinking that keeping the family together was the right thing for us and our daughter. My dream was to raise our daughter on a farm and now I feel like I may lose that (his parents have funded half this property) I am so worried about my daughter and her happiness. My question is do I take his word for it given his track record? or do I contact this women given that I know she will tell me the truth? My husband was brought up to believe that he can do no wrong. I feel numb. I find it difficult to perform at work (I am a veterinarian) and I cannot afford to not perform at work. Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing from someone even if it just to commiserate!

Fighter4life Depressed husband
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One ... View more

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One day he brought up the idea of separation. This has been mentioned in the past after serious fights. Our fights normally lasts 3 days tops. This time it's been 3 weeks. He lists the following reasons for separation: 1. I put everything above him first. He is my last priorty. 2. I always push him away when he tries to get close. I'm unaffectionate. 3. I'm unmotivated to finish the last unit of my course. 4. We are 2 different people, going on different paths. After this discussion, 2 weeks later he said he did a test on depression and got a score of 15. 10 suggests that professional help is required. He went out one night and confided in a friend. After a few drinks after he got back, he apologised, asking for forgiveness in the way he has treated me, said he loves and misses me and we made love. The next morning he says he's still feeling down, and that he is confused about us. I really want to help him and finding it hard to be strong. Are there any tips on how I can help my husband through this tough time? I am trying really hard to not let his words get to me. My husband was once the bubbly person who was always the life of the party. Please help!