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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Georgiegirl Thanks and update
  • replies: 1

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't g... View more

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't go well and my privacy was breached and the matter is now being heard in the tribunal. Not to mention, she didn't listen to me and had factual information incorrect. On the same day I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle very badly and was bedridden until 2 weeks ago and have now developed complex regional pain syndrome. The problems with my daughter remain unresolved after the experience with mental health treatment and my injury. I sincerely thank those for their support. Particularly demonblaster.

Seele Stress, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma & A Family To Top It All
  • replies: 4

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male surviv... View more

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male survivor of childhood domestic abuse (Physical, Sexual, Mental, Emotional). I suffer from Depression, Anxiety & Stress. I also have low self esteem and a perverse hatred for myself. After reading another Thread in these forums I have decided that I am going to try and start exercising from tonight onwards. Roughly 4 years ago my partner and our daughter, Child A, moved from Canberra to a small-medium sized country town in the Riverina of NSW. This followed a period of almost 3 months where we were homeless after both of lost our jobs within a span of about 6 months. Since then we have struggled tooth and nail to build ourselves back up to a point where we can start feeling happy and comfortable with our living conditions again. In that time we've also had a second child, Child B. Since my adolescence I've always had an issue with Anger Management and my general mental health as a result of the way I was dragged up by my mother and her many partners since my father left her when I was a child. In my opinion I think I am spectacularly well adjusted considering my childhood and teenage years. My partner however, feel differently. She is adamant that I need to seek professional counselling so I can "Get Over" my childhood. I've seen several counsellors and mental health professionals over the past 6 years we've been together, most of which have done nothing but try and desensitise me to the trauma of my childhood by forcing me to remember particular events over and over. I never found this particularly helpful and it never resolved the anger issues I was seeing them for in the first place. Since falling pregnant with our first child my partner has had a dramatically decreased sexual drive, to the point where we now regularly go up to 6 months without touching each other. But there will be more on that in future episodes. Since I'm almost out of space in this text box now I'll sign off and hopefully be back with an update in the next couple of days. Thank you all for watching "It's That Messed Up"

Auggie Trust Issues *Trigger Warning - Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 8

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educ... View more

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educational institution, he is currently in Asia. We started the relationship when he was only 24 and I was 29. Julian travel the world teaching English, we only met once or twice a year when we get the chance. We communicate mostly through Skype, Facebook, emails. In January 2015, I received a contract to work in my home country for a year and I was so excited about it. Julian was teaching in China at that moment, when he found out about it, he quit his job to come and stay with me and since then everything went downhill. I finished my contract a year later and returned to Australia, as a totally different person. I used to be a very happy.person. Since Julian came to live with me in Malaysia, I found myself caught in a very difficult situation. Julian has a temper issue and he always lie to me. I couldn't differentiate if he is telling me the truth or if he is telling me another tale. If I caught him lying and confronted him about it, he started acting crazy, throwing his phone, punching the door, threatening me that he will end his life. He always have something he called 'panic attack' and threw a tantrum no matter where we were and whether it is life threatening. He is constantly lying and I actually knew about it and it really hurts me badly, emotionally. The worse when he started hitting me and it happened 3 times now since 2015. Last year was the worse when he got upset and tried to commit suicide , when I tried to stop him, he attacked me and self harmed. He blames me for every single problem we have in our relationship. I know sometimes I can be demanding when I asked him all the time about where he was and who was with him and what he was doing. But what else can I ask? Julian always said this relationship is a nightmare to him but everytime I asked for us to go our separate ways, he refused to let go and again, he blamed me for making the relationship so difficult. I don't know where to seek advice and where to find help and to understand if I am really the caused of all the problems occurred in this relationship. Sincerely, Auggie

tbb176 can’t get over ex
  • replies: 3

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and... View more

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and make up so many jokes and everytime i go to hit him not in a bad way he would get angry. no matter what i do he doesn’t care. it’s a toxic as relationship but whenever i’m not talking to him or we have had a fight i start to shut down and get depressed and want to give up. i can’t do it and then he would come back to me and i was the happiest but everytime he would leave i hated it. recently he got into a relationship and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. at school we would just walk past each other like strangers and sometimes yell at each other, i miss him so much and i know i need to let go but it’s literally so hard. he’s got me so attached. also when he wants something he always gets it no matter what, he hates it when he doesn’t get his own way all the time. he’s a user. he’s used me so many times and i kept going back to him. i’ve lost so many friends because of him. i’m completely broken because of him and i can’t deal with it anymore

Justlikemeyourdamagedgood Struggling to cope after my divorce
  • replies: 4

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there wer... View more

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there were anyone out there that knows how to get passed this

AlreadyNobody Depressed after rocky breakup
  • replies: 4

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date wh... View more

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date which really got on my nerves, so therefor in my mind I figured id spend as much time as i can with her at school.. It didn't turn out well, I was looking forward to a date with her for weeks and she felt I was too suffocating and that her feelings had changed and felt that I was clingy and obsessive so she canceled the date 3 hours before, I was shattered, she then said she would decide over the weekend if she wanted to be together, I had heard enough and broke up that night, I then started texting her again and I asked her the question if she wanted to get back together weeks later, she said yes, then told me she loved me that night and the next day promptly dumped me and said "oh I meant as a friend", I feel so shattered, all my friends argued against me getting back with her, I didn't listen, now to deal with the teasing, I feel so depressed and defeated.

AskingQuestions After the Affair
  • replies: 8

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair... View more

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair partner and want to be with her, but I’m severely concerned about my wife’s mental health (we have 2 children who are 5 or younger) and that is the only reason I have stayed. Since she found out, my wife has been seeing our therapist at times several times a week, has gone on medication, has self-harmed and honestly, I’m worried for her greater wellbeing. She has been hospitalised for her thoughts of harming me and herself in the past. She repeatedly tells me this is my fault, and I agree. But what can I do? I desperately want out but I couldn’t live with myself is something happened to her. I love her as the mother of my children but not as a life partner. What do I do?

Melany Trapped and confused
  • replies: 3

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relations... View more

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relationship. I was anxious about his 2 adult children but he assured me that there is no issue. There are a lot of issues and my partner can't do enough for them. J asked me to transfer a significant amount of money into his super and I did. I have been in Australia for almost 3 years and could not find a job yet. And the chances are thinner given the time gap. However we have a high maintenance property which I work hard on. It is a full time job, overwhelming sometime but I enjoy everything I do. But J does not appreciate and does not participate. All he wants is us to go away so leave the property for his son and his mates weekend fun. His son's attitude is that I do not exist or I'm worthless. He wouldn't ask permission but just text that he is "coming with my mates ...". J is blind to this attitude, he says that the kids like me and all other lies. But his son's look at me make me go to the police. I repeatedly told J how much it means to me to have my place, my personal space. But there were too many occasions when I've been hinted by his relatives or friends to let the place for the kids to enjoy or that I do not belong here. J hits at this very core value, he wants me out, travelling around, disconnected, belonging to nowhere. My money was necessary and he did his best to convince me that he loved me and that everything would be fine. I was not allowed at his daughter's engagement party but I had to sign as a guarantor for her loan. Also she wants to have the wedding at our place. So awkward... I wonder if I'm going to be asked to hide somewhere. Is there any protection for non-citizens, how can I make sure I get a decent escape from this situation.

jaalt1967 Difficult situation, am struggling
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The childr... View more

Hi everyone, appreciate the opportunity to discuss current problems in my relationship. We have been seeing each other for about 2.5 years. She had previously been married for about 20 years and has 4 children ranging in ages from 8 to 16. The children do not know that we are dating and I have not been involved in their lives, we both agreed this is best for them at this stage of their lives. Prior to us dating, we have been in and out of each others lives as we went to uni together and worked together for a few years. We have always been great friends but never romantically involved up until 2.5 years ago. When she and her ex divorced (3.5 years ago], she had main custody of children as ex worked and continues to work long hours. She has been a fulltime mum to them. About 3 months ago her ex asked to have the children on a 50/50 basis and since then, they have been negotiating and trying to sort it all out..... The entire process is causing her a lot of stress ontop of the dramas of bringing up 4 children and life in general. To add to this she has just gone through menopause which exacerbates everything. This has placed stress on our relationship, she has become extremely intolerant of me, at times it feels like I am having to walk on eggshells. I completely understand what she is going through and have tried to help and support her as best as I can. Despite all this, we seem to be drifting further apart due to all this stress and fighting. I give her her space but her treatment of me is bringing out my insecurities which doesn’t help the situation. We have spoken about things when she is calm and she admits she just isn’t coping and finding everything difficult, including being in a relationship. When we have spoken about breaking up, she wavers, talks about “being friends” then saying that she is just stressed and overreacting. As selfish as it sounds, I am finding her being hot and cold and the emotional rollercoaster very difficult. I am not ready or wanting to give up on this, I love her very much and want us to get through this, just makes it very difficult when I don’t really know what she wants. She tells me she loves me and I know she does but she is just not coping with many things and our relationship is dysfunctional at the moment. I don't know what to do and can see that I am starting to internalise and get stressed with everything. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Matt1991 27, virgin male, disabled
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involv... View more

Hi all, I am 27 year old with aspergers and hearing loss living in Brisbane. I am a virgin, or late bloomer that you called. Never had a relationship or kiss. I never had an acceptance from someone asking out. I am very socially active getting involved in common interest groups, sporting groups Meetup events and volunteering. I have great schedule. Unfortunately the downside I am lacking attractiveness to what women wants. I think I am too honest, blunt, organised and straightforward person for a romance life. Lot of women told me that I am not physically attractive either. It frustrates me when I met lot of girls on the spectrum who are either in long term relationships and others who are single are lesbians. I am stuck in between two ironies. For the Neurotypicals it almost other way around, the ones who are in relationships aren't compatible with me but the ones who are single are but the problem the ones who are single are too party animals, have poor attitude personality problems and lack of empathy. I have been counselling for long time, 9 years worth of pschyologists and that. My depression and anxiety is still happening while I am suffering isolation, lack of human connection and intimacy. It makes me feel lost and disconnected. I have no problems on my own because I do lot of things on my own such as fit bootcamp three times a week, Parkrun club, riding bike, take photos and that etc. I have done enough being on my own. My friends do hang out with me, despite many of them are females and unfortunately they dont find me more than friends nor attractive. I am quite frustrated by how the society treats and put me in bad luck. I thought I am doing so well with many personal achievements, benefits and milestones because I am happy on that but when comes to relationships and romance it goes bad darkworld. Like Black Fridays everyday with Groundhog days. I wonder why I find so difficult to get someone to accept for who I am. I am only being myself as my name and who I am. I don't do what others do or re-create their identity. Though I feel negative of myself because of being ashamed more as I get older by having zero relationship and sex experience. Pretty funny this forums only have people with problems in their relationships. I never heard any problems from Aspie girls I met of their relationships. I live in bad luck, ironic and upside down lifestyle. Where is my lady?