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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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dee_1 My dad's destructive behavior is ruining the family...
  • replies: 11

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he ha... View more

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he has completely lost it. From memory dad was always harsh with his punishments towards me and my 2 sisters. We would get the occasional smack across the bum with a wooden spoon or we were told to kneel down onto the bathroom tiles as punishment for being naughty. I dont really remember being so naughty that severe punishment was appropriate for the things we did wrong. Anyway, when I as 15/16 years old and in high school everyone around me...my friends I mean got their youth allowance money except me. So one day when the 5 of us (mum, dad and two sisters), were traveling in the car going home and I asked dad why I wasn't getting my youth allowance money...he actually got quite ugly with me and told me that when he was growing up in Hungary, any money he earned from his job went to the family so his mother could support him and their family and he only saw a small portion of that money. I said that the fact that my friends got their youth allowance money and I didn't was completely unfair. To which he responded to that with - if I didn't like what was going on in the family I could take my youth allowance money and I can go leave the family and live on my own. He said I wouldn't survive because it was not much money. From this day forward I saw my dad from a different light. He was always so aggressive when he was in a bad mood. My middle sister, coped it so badly when she was a kid. She was punished severely for not being able to understand how to read and write and do basic mathematics. At one point my middle sister pissed my mum off so bad when she couldn't write a sentence that she clasped onto my sister's writing hand so aggressively my sister's wrist couldn't move from the pain. I remember her crying in pain from not being able to move her wrist. My middle sister starting pinching stuff from children's school lunch boxes and dad tried to punish my sister over and over again for stealing but nothing was working so my dad...i remember everything vivdly... grabbed my sister's little hand and put a lighter to her hand. My sister screamed and screamed her lungs out of fear and shock I was so worried for her. Dad said he was just trying to scare her...it worked and she never stole again.

Parallel No Friends In Highschool, Never Seem To Fit In, Looking For Advice!
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Hi, im 15 and currently in YR9 at Highschool A year ago i moved school due to bullying. The school i moved is where all my primary friends are so when i came here i had people to sit with however..... 2 Months ago i had a breakup with this girl and s... View more

Hi, im 15 and currently in YR9 at Highschool A year ago i moved school due to bullying. The school i moved is where all my primary friends are so when i came here i had people to sit with however..... 2 Months ago i had a breakup with this girl and she spread rumors about me to everyone, people come up to me and say rude things to me regularly, my friends have basically told me to piss off and never respond to my messages and my grades have fallen from an A to C. TLDR; knowone likes me,knowone cares what i say and i just get shunned away, what should i do?

MissMc Friend Issues
  • replies: 4

Hi I have a female friend which I work with and DID class her as a sister cause we became very close due to both being born on the same day in the same hospital etc .... I have now deleted her off Facebook and blocked her from messenger ... we both c... View more

Hi I have a female friend which I work with and DID class her as a sister cause we became very close due to both being born on the same day in the same hospital etc .... I have now deleted her off Facebook and blocked her from messenger ... we both communicate on messenger about work issues etc .... but cause I didn't reply to one of her messages she thought it was her right to rip through me over it and this has happened on a number of occasions with me having lunch with fellow work collegues and she found out and again I receive a message saying HOW WAS LUNCH .... I get that this is jealousy on her part but why personally attack me over it?..... I replyed to her message the other day saying to her BACK DOWN AND STOP GETTING UPSET OVER MINNOR THINGS!!!# ..... well did she loose her shit!..... can not believe this is all over a message I didn't reply to.... as this friend tends to be selfish and self centred and all about her, I accepted that as part of her friendship, she also threatened me not to message me again and I thoughts fine and that didn't upset me at all, but her behaviour? and she has breakfast with a fellow workmate every sat, do I get upset over that? NO zero care factor as its between her and her!.... I have not spoken to her @work and I will continue not to as I thinks she is TOXIC? & she always playes the victim as before I deleted her off FB she put in one of her post about " why do so called friends make her fell bad about herself" ????????.... I have confided to her abouts my Depression and now I'm regreting it!..... not sure if she will repeat it to others @work or not?..... the reason why I don't talk to her anymore is I'm protecting myself as I don't need people like her in my life! Just don't understand her behaviour at all?????

pixie_ Breaking free from a Co-dependent marriage
  • replies: 10

Hi guys, this is my first time posting here. I suffer from severe long term depression and anxiety. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for 5. We are the only partners we have each had. I am 31. I have been unhappy for many years. I fee... View more

Hi guys, this is my first time posting here. I suffer from severe long term depression and anxiety. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for 5. We are the only partners we have each had. I am 31. I have been unhappy for many years. I feel like he is a man-child that I am left to mother. Deep down he is a great kindhearted person but I am not satisfied in our marriage - I feel like we have totally grown apart, I cant talk to him about anything (he tends to have a bit of a tantrum if I say things he doesnt feel like dealing with), our sex life has been incredibly lacking for years and now I have totally lost interest, and in general I just dont feel excited or happy to be around him. I feel stressed, frustrated, on edge, anxious when I am at home. We have tried couples counselling but he wasn't interested, I have tried for years to tell him how unhappy I am and what I need from him but it falls on deaf ears or changes back to how it was after a week or so. I have tried to end the marriage several times but every time I have, he cries, sobs, tells me he can't live without me and guilts me into changing my mind again. I am scared that my life is just going to pass me by and I am just going to spend it being miserable because I know I am not getting what I need from the relationship. I want to get out but the guilt leaves me feeling trapped, alone and depressed. I am seeing a counsellor but she says I have a long way to go. I guess I am just wondering if anyone may have some advice? Thank you

Peppercorn67 In a lonely well and can never find a soul mate
  • replies: 3

Hi, just new here , fifty year old male .. have tried all my life to make close friends but never good enough to have a soul mate or first friend , I hate how I look and how I stuff up friendships , do I just give up and accept I can never be loved e... View more

Hi, just new here , fifty year old male .. have tried all my life to make close friends but never good enough to have a soul mate or first friend , I hate how I look and how I stuff up friendships , do I just give up and accept I can never be loved etc

Hawka1980 Fiancee walked out. We share 3 year old
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3 weeks ago my fiancee left saying she was unhappy. Hooked up with someone else within 1 day. Swore on our daughter there was nobody else when she left but confirmed she was with someone when i asked her a week after she left (originally she needed t... View more

3 weeks ago my fiancee left saying she was unhappy. Hooked up with someone else within 1 day. Swore on our daughter there was nobody else when she left but confirmed she was with someone when i asked her a week after she left (originally she needed time) but hooked up without even properly breaking up but wasn't even feeling bad about it. Said it was a random but find that hard to believe. We have a 3 yr old daughter, were trying for another one in September.. had arguments for 2 weeks prior to break up. She looked down and sad during this time but never thought she'd leave. Left me blind sided. We work in same building so see each other every day and during daughter drop offs on weekends. Conversation is non existent. She won't engage in Conversation, says it's now "her time" to live. She has changed her appearance, goes out every time she hasn't our daughter, and posts glammed up selfies on social media. Is up to all hours when previously was in bed early. Her current behaviours were not present in the 5.5 yrs we were together. It's as if she is free and does not care she has split the family unit. I am Having a hard time myself functioning from thinking 6 weeks ago we were getting married and having a second child to co parenting with someone who has totally shut me out and me seeing my daughter half the week. Don't know how I've coped and struggling to accept the person I loved isn't that person anymore. Anyone give me some ideas how I can move forward and get closure with someone I need to deal with for years to come bc of our daughter. It's as if I was living with a totally different person to this version of the last 3 weeks. Ps - she moved back with family and no longer live together

TLC2017 Parenting with a partner who’s changed
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new to this thread and would love to get some help as I really am struggling with who to talk to about my current situation. Ive been with my husband for ten years and we have two young children together. When my partner and I met, I never wa... View more

Hi, I’m new to this thread and would love to get some help as I really am struggling with who to talk to about my current situation. Ive been with my husband for ten years and we have two young children together. When my partner and I met, I never wanted children but he always did. when my daughter was born he was a great father and always loved spending time with her but as she’s gotten older he has lost interest and barely speaks to her now. My son was the same, he is two years old and it is really hard to get him to play or communicate with him much. The start of this year our family moved into an area where it can be difficult to get work. My husband was unemployed for a little while and it effected his confidence. A few months ago my husband got a job 4 hours away from us and now he is only home on the weekends. One weekend when I was at work and My husband had the children, he left my son in the bath on his own to go listen to music and has also left him out the front in the car on his own while asleep, My sister luckily was home that day and made it very clear to him that it was not alright. There are several other situations where he has not thought properly and put the children in potentially dangerous situations. Over the last 6 months my husband has increasingly became angrier and I am struggling to communicate with him. He apologises and says he will try do better but it only lasts a week then he is back to putting in minimal effort. My husband has adhd and will use it as a reason a lot of the time as to why he does things a certain way but I can’t accept that anymore. Should I divorce him and try raise my children on my own? Or should I keep pushing him and the kids together and hope they will bond? It is breaking my heart to see the man I married and started a family with treat our children this way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dan049 Separation, can the kids cope?
  • replies: 4

Hi. I am a 43 year old male and have been married for 20 years and have 3 bright, wonderful and caring children. There ages are 16, 14, & 11. My wife and I are not close and I partly take responsibility for part of that. I was diagnosed 13 years ago ... View more

Hi. I am a 43 year old male and have been married for 20 years and have 3 bright, wonderful and caring children. There ages are 16, 14, & 11. My wife and I are not close and I partly take responsibility for part of that. I was diagnosed 13 years ago with Anxiety & Depression and find it hard to be close with anyone. My father left me as a child (3) and my step father was physically and emotionally abusive so I grew up being more comfortable In my own company I feel that i would personally benefit emotionally by seperating however I feel that I cannot put the “safe” and “secure”life of my children at risk. Am I right to put the kids ahead of myself? I have done it for the past 5-8 years but it is getting really hard to do. They are not far off moving out and feel that they will cope a bit better the older they are. We have no sex life at all and to be honest I do not really want one with her anymore, she prefers to fall asleep on the couch EVERY night rather than to come to bed and I am now really happy with that scenario We are asset rich but cash poor so there is a huge financial implications on my decisions which is also impacted by my a & d. I thank you all in advance for any advice. Cheers Dan.

Mcrates Unreasonable neighbour causing Anxiety...
  • replies: 7

I live in a 2 house on 1 block size situation. For 9 months I have endured 2 large dogs barking loudly and constantly... My house wall is her courtyard fence line.This has been really tough but finally She has stopped them. She owns her place...I ren... View more

I live in a 2 house on 1 block size situation. For 9 months I have endured 2 large dogs barking loudly and constantly... My house wall is her courtyard fence line.This has been really tough but finally She has stopped them. She owns her place...I rent mine with a AAA tenant rating. Today her male partner was playing music so loud I couldnt hear myself think. I messaged her to ask him just to turn it down a bit... Well that was it! She makes me out to be a complaining thing and that they have a right to do whatever they want when they want. She has no empathy towards me as a neighbour whatsoever. I live quietly and respectfully. Today I rang a trusted friend to come around and speak with her... The conversation was taped... It was evident that she thinks that I am the problem not her. Subsequently I am experiencing awful anxiety. Is their such a thing a neighbour abuse? She is 30ish and I am 54. I have 2 university degrees and do volunteer work in my community. I have 1 adult son who is married. I dont want to leave here as it is close to my work. I have an excellent relationship with my Landlord... I have been calm and reasonable towards my neighbourand, not confronting... She has never said sorry about the enduring noise. Its as though its my fault... Gaslighting! She is a real little Miss! What would others do in my situation...? I cant even go into my garden now as I become very anxious and start shaking etc. It seems all so unfair and so unnecessary. Thank you

Elmo85 Newly separated and feeling lost
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So my ex gusband and I have seperated for good and has left me financially struggling and now i feel i cant do anything right... Ive had to have an AVO against him as well and my little boy is so lost as well ... sees mum crying and guves cuddles and... View more

So my ex gusband and I have seperated for good and has left me financially struggling and now i feel i cant do anything right... Ive had to have an AVO against him as well and my little boy is so lost as well ... sees mum crying and guves cuddles and kisses and tells me it's ok we will be ok.. I just wish i had my sons enthusiasm as I know he's right but just feel so lost and on my own and like no body cares or even wants to listen as they're always busy...