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So confused

T-inch
Community Member

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second.

I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same anymore, he is LESS romantic and LESS affectionate. I feel like he is not so supportive of me and he isn’t really there if I need a shoulder to cry on. I have spoken to him about this several times telling him I need affection from him, I need to feel love from him. And the only time he shows me affectionate is when he wants to have intercourse. And I’ve told him my sex drive is a bit low because I’m pregnant and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now and it would help if he made me feel special and not only show affection when he wants intercourse. But he hasn’t done that . He hasn’t done anything at all to make me feel loved even though he says he loves me

when our son was 1 week old, he did not help me with night time feeds or changes or support me as I was a first time parent also and left me to struggle on my own. And I think i resented him for it. Up until this day, he doesn’t put our son to sleep, doesn’t change his nappy, doesn’t feed him , doesn’t do any of the hard work of raising a child. Only needs to entertain him a bit after work and to me it looks like he can’t be bothered to do that. He does what he wants when he wants. Example he naps when he wants even if I tell him I’m exhausted. He will end up going to nap with out asking if I will be ok to watch our son. And he will nap for 2 hours sometimes. Where I would never do that to him. I never leave him alone with our son for too long because I think it’s not fair. But I feel like he isn’t considerate of me. I feel like he just expects me to do everything when it comes to our son. And his excuse is because he works and I’m a stay at home mum and I have more energy than him. But doesn’t take into consideration how tired I actually am from trying to entertain our son and look after him instead of putting him in front of the tv which is something my husband would just do.

I do love my husband. I just feel unappreciated and I’m worried when this second baby comes. And I’m worried we are not compatible anymore. I’m always mad and upset and in my head I sometimes blame my husband because if he had helped me more when I need it then I wouldn’t be so depressed. I love my son so much and I feel like a bad mother when get into depressive moods 😞

2 Replies 2

Betternow
Community Member

Dear T-inch

I'm very sorry you don't feel loved and supported by your husband. Life can be very unfair and cruel at times.

Despite the fatigue that comes from working in a full time job, a husband should always find the energy to step up for his family. That's what good fathers do, especially when you're 6 months pregnant.

Can I ask what your husband was like when you were pregnant with your first child. Was he attentive and supporting? Did these problems only begin after the birth of the first child?

Do you have any family that could help in the interim? Can you afford to pay a house cleaner to come once a week for the next 12 months? Is there a third party that could talk to your husband respectfully and guide him in the right direction. T_inch is looking tired lately, looking after a bub while 6 months pregnant is a big load. Are you planning to get some help?

I don't obviously know your husband and there is a good chance he does love you but he sounds young and maybe inexperienced. I'm hoping some other members of the BB community can help with suggestions.

Please respond if you would like to communicate more.

T-inch
Community Member

We have had a tough start to the relationship. He was a heavy drinker who came from a broken family but he was so in love with me. I felt it. He has now been sober for 2 and a half years. After we got married he slowly stopped being so affectionate. I got pregnant quite quickly after I met him. I feel everything changed after we got married.

i have my family to help and support me. But I feel like it’s wrong that I rely on my mother more than my husband to help me with my son. When ever I’m tired my mum takes my son, when I’m unwell my mum takes my son. When ever I need a break my mum takes my son. My husband won’t do any of it unless I ask him. Does he not see that I need help? I’ve even spoken to him saying if you notice I am not ok or a bit more cranky than normal, give me a break, tell me to go lay down ect. Usually I feel bad when I have to ask him.

He isn’t a bad man, I think he doesn’t know how to love and support the way I need to be. Maybe from the way he grew up ? I know he loves his son but I think he might just be a lazy parent or doesn’t even realise he does it. ( even though I have spoken to him about it ) I get so mad at him but then I see him actually interacting with his son and they both look so happy. So I calm down until next time I can’t deal with it anymore