Single and lonely

[Von is lost]

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved me being rejected). I have a good friend who is 20 and she’s been with her boyfriend for a while now and I’m very envious of their relationship. She posted some photos of them from a camping trip they went on recently and found myself crying about how I wish I had someone to do things with. I’m just so frustrated that I can’t find a relationship like theirs and I don’t know what else to try. It’s hard to stay positive about it all.

[PBusy]

Hi von!

first of all you need to show love to yourself before you can seek being in a relationship otherwise you’ll be in it for all the Wong reasons . The best relationship you can work on is the one you have with yourself and once you establish that and feel secure and confident you’ll be attracting people to you

[Banksy92]

Hi Von,

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Being lonely is an awful feeling and the dating world can be so tough, hey?

I think first and foremost PBusy makes an excellent point, that how we feel about ourselves first is so important. We must be kind to ourselves and practice self-love on a regular basis to build this up. If you are feeling really down, you may even want to consider speaking with a counsellor for some extra support - this can be a really great step to build our confidence and help us work through life struggles.

With confidence and self-worth, often we attract healthier relationships. Because we feel good inside ourselves and others are drawn to that.

Have you got a network of support around you? Like close friends and family you can spend time with a bit more while you are going through this period?

[Von is lost]

I actually am quite confident and happy as a person, and I’m sociable and always try to get out and about and meet new people. I feel like I have a good relationship with myself but I’m not attracting anyone. I don’t know what else I can be doing 😞

[Kim1988]

Hi Von. I also had issues with meeting people in a relationship sense until I was in my late 20’s. I had a lot of male friends, but for some reason or another they always friend-zoned me or thought of me as like a sister. There comes a point where I had to many guys that were just my friends and you want something a bit more than that.

As others have said the best thing is to have confidence in yourself. I know it’s easier said than done. I’m not a confident person by nature either, but I found if I did things that interested me like going to the gym, volunteering at an event it makes you feel good and you’re doing things for you. Don’t stress to much about meeting someone. If you’re going out with friends and socialising it’ll happen sooner or later.

Just take this time to think about what you want out of a relationship. Do you want something long or short term? Don’t settle for less than what you expect.

[Banksy92]

Great to hear you're feeling confident in yourself and are able to put yourself out there Von, that's half the battle!

Have you considered dating websites or singles nights in your local area? Not for everyone, I understand, but does work for many people! Or alternatively, asking around your close friends and family if they can introduce you to more people? Trying to expand your social network and see who else you might feel a spark with.

Let us know how you're getting on.

[Guest_02445369]

Don’t be so harsh on yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. Keep your head down and work on yourself and everything will come to you. When trying to enter a relationship it’s best to walk in with clean confidence rather than try to jump in frantically. In order to attract the someone you want you need to build upon your own confidence and only then will you too find that special one. Strong relationships can’t be done overnight so I wish you the best of luck and hope you find that special person