Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

I don't feel like a man at all. I hate the idea that I could be a man. I don't like anyone thinking that I am a man. I feel so uncomfortable being in my skin. I just hate it right now.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

You don't need to apologise for being away from some time. Sometimes a break can be good. I also know there can be good days and bad days.

How are you going with your new psych? And the social group(s) you are associated with?

Tim

PS. I can see you are critical of yourself in your last post, but I see you as a person first, accepted as you are.

[Azzdog]

Now I have the stupid radio station showing just how out of touch they are with the world. My god it does my head in.

The social group is going okay so far but my OCD means I can’t enjoy it as much as I would like to.

The new psych is going well so far as well.

[smallwolf]

Are you listening to the radio at work? Do you have any means of distracting yourself regarding the music so that it might just become background noise you can ignore? I sometimes play my own music in my head. So while the kids might listen to something modern I have something like Maiden in my head.

What sort of things have the social group done? (My dad, with Parkinsons could not do the exercises on headspace properly because of a tremble/shake in his arm. He would think about his arm, rather than doing the exercise. But holding or playing with a small bit of wood allowed him to not think about his arm and got more from the exercise. Not saying this would help with the OCD and the social group, but perhaps between your and psych might come up with something?)

Tim

#Acceptance

[Paw Prints]

Hello Azzdog,

No need to apologise for being away, this is your space & you can come & go as you feel you need. We will be here for you, though we might need to take breaks ourselves from time to time.

It's good to hear you feel your social group is going ok. It's only been a matter of weeks since you started, so everyone will still be trying to find their feet, yourself included. Don't feel you need to answer if you would rather not, but I am interested. Does your group just get together to chat or do you all do outings together or a mix of both or something else entirely?

Take care

Paw Prints

[HamSolo01]

hey azzdog

what's happening for you lately that has you down?

Take care bud

[Azzdog]

Hey everyone,

Life has been very up and down lately and I feel like it could go one of two ways.

Tim: I was at work and there really isn't anything I can do there. I can take small breaks here and there to listen to my own music but I can't do much more than that.

PawPrints: It has been a few months now with the group so things are starting to develop. It is a combination of both. We go trivia every Thursday night and we do chat every day as well on social media. It is just I have this intense fear of abandonment where I feel like they may leave me any day now which means I can't really enjoy myself as much as I would like.

HamSolo01: There has been a lot going on in my head. My OCD has been particularly troublesome where I keep getting stuck in routines where I can't get out for like hours. I have also been having this thought, recently, that I don't deserve the title of being a man. I am not gender queer or anything like that but I still think of myself as a boy. A stupid boy who has all these dreams of being loved and giving love despite the fact that I don't feel like I am allowed to, or that it is off limits. It is just really difficult right now and I am so confused as to what I have to do.

[Paw Prints]

Hi Azzdog,

It sounds like participating with your social group is a good first step for you. People come into our life & then drift out of it over time, sometimes people stay but most don't. Having a fear of abandonment must make it hard for you to deal with this. I hope your Psych has been giving you some things to try with this group that will over time help you cope better. I think you should feel proud of yourself that you are still participating despite your worries.

Take care

Paw Prints

[HamSolo01]

Hey Aaron

I see. what makes you say that about being a man or boy?

What is it that makes you think you are undeserving of the title?

I don't think it's a title. It's a sex. A title carries more with it. Something that is earned like a doctor or athlete. There is effort to earn a title.. So I'm wondering what this means for you re man?

Either way I'm sorry to hear about your OCD playing up. I don't know much about the intricacies of it. But I do know it's debilitating. I do hope you managed to get on top of it.

[Azzdog]

Hey everyone,

Apologies for the late reply to you all. Life has been very full on of late and I keep forgetting to update you all here.

I have big news. I’m in a relationship. It’s been over a month now and I wanted to wait until it was more stable before jumping on here to let you all know. But it’s been great so far.

The idea of being a man still bothers me. I still have my issues with it but I do talk to my psych about it and we have made some ground as to why that is. It’s due to me not feeling like an adult. Because I live at home still I haven’t quite come to grips with the fact that I am 25. I still feel like I’m 16.