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Seperated & now husband has a girlfriend

M_R
Community Member
When i got married it really meant something to me.married 13yrs 3 children,1 not his 2 his.been in seperate homes caz he was abusive to child not his.more so verbally and emotionally.i still loved him but had to leave caz of this.he was still a big part of our life & rang alot plus my house is like his.recently he dropped a bomb shell hes met someone.within a wk he took 2 of our kids to meet her and her kids. he only has our kids 24hrs wk & is taking kids most wks to hers.she also lives in my suburb.i am constantly crying.i have high aniexty & think when im at the local shops is that the women.my kids are highly demanding with there development issues which he is no help with.when driving i pass something that reminds me of him and feel like i want to throw up and then cry.i think about them having sex i think about her with my children i think about how hes doing stuff with her and her kids and never did that with me and our kids.my house is turned upside down.i tried communicating in writing but he got her to write to me caz he wouldnt say the right words.i knew it was not him as i know how he speaks & when i spoke to him he admitted it was her.i cry im so sad.i feel like a failure i feel like i was never loved by this man.he has disconnected himself.i don't know who he is.i love all my kids 1is to young to understand & the other has aniexty & scared to say something to him just incase he doesnt see them anymore.i feel like im heading down a spiral of feelings of overwhelment like climbing out of a well only to pop my head up and then to fall down to the bottom again.family is not helpful & friends are good but i feel bad when i talk about him & what hes doing to me on a regular basis. i feel so broken. he wants a divorce.
2 Replies 2

pipsy
Community Member

Hi M_R It would've been devastating marrying him in good faith, believing you had found Mr Right. He sounds extremely unstable and quite scary. It's highly possible he is treating his new gf similar to the way he treated you. May I ask who lives in the matrimonial home, if you do, I would be inclined to get some legal advice about your rights and his. You may find you can stop him just calling when he feels like it. I would also get some legal advice in regards to him taking your children to visit the new gf. If you're not agreeable to this, perhaps an arrangement could be made regarding this. Some lawyers will allow 20 minutes free. If you have little/no income I think legal aid can be arranged. Try not to dwell on the intimate side of his new relationship. I tend to agree with your statement doubting he ever loved you. I also feel he doesn't love this new gf either. I feel he is unable to love as he is incapable. I also feel he will eventually tire of her and move on. Perhaps a visit to your Dr for some short term AD's for the depression you are experiencing. Also perhaps some counseling to help you get through this. The grief you are experiencing is real and talking about it with someone experienced in grief will help you move ahead. BB have counselors 24/7 who will help you and offer support. The high anxiety you feel is part of the grief. BB's helpline is listed at the top of the page, please call.

Lynda

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi M_R, we try and advise people to get help by talking to their friends but sometimes this may not be possible or perhaps it's something that you don't want anyone to know, because of how they may react, this is a decision you have to make.
You have mentioned that you were never loved by this man, so what he seems to be doing is that he only wants a sexual partner, and yes once he gets sick of this new lady he will move on and on, and will never be able to settle down.
This isn't what you what or need because you want to have someone who is a father to the children and settle down with you.
Sure he may love the kids, but by taking them to his new g/friend's place isn't love, it's showing them off to her, pretending to be the perfect father, which indeed he isn't.
I would go to a lawyer as Lynda has suggested and would seriously consider divorcing him, otherwise I'm so sorry this will keep on happening, until he runs out of ladies who he can have sex with, because that's his only intention to lie and pretend to these other ladies just to satisfy his needs. Geoff. x