Hi there,
Thank you for sharing this. What you’ve described sounds incredibly heavy, and it makes sense that today feels especially hard. Leaving a long‑term relationship where there has been control, broken promises, and emotional harm. Especially when it’s affected your children can bring up a huge mix of grief, guilt, exhaustion, and numbness all at once.
I want to gently say this, feeling guilty now doesn’t mean you failed your children. It often means you were doing the best you could at the time in a very difficult situation. Many people stay longer than they wish they had because they’re trying to keep the peace, protect their kids, or hope things will finally change.
It also sounds really unsettling to be waiting for “things to blow up again,” while trying to hold firm to your decision. That constant sense of vigilance can drain you emotionally and physically. The numbness you’re feeling may be your nervous system’s way of coping after so much prolonged stress, and medication changes can sometimes add to that, it’s good that you’ve already spoken with your doctor.
You deserve to be heard, to feel safe, and to matter. Reaching out for support and involving the police when needed shows how seriously you’re taking your family’s wellbeing, even when it’s incredibly hard.
If the emotional weight starts to feel too much, you might find it helpful to talk things through with someone outside your immediate circle. Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on
1300 22 4636, or via webchat at
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support. Given what you’ve described,
1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) can also offer specialist support around relationship abuse and ongoing safety concerns.
You’ve taken a very brave step by leaving and by holding your boundary, even while feeling worn down. You’re not alone here, and you’re very welcome to keep sharing with the community.
Take care,
Sophie M
