My mum wants to divorce from my dad, but we don't have much options for housing?

[Guest_51784955]

This may be lengthy but please bear with me here. My mum has been wanting a divorce for a couple years now, but the main things that have prevented her from this out have been the lack of clear housing options for us.

currently living together is my mum, my dad, 17yo daughter (me), and two 6yo sons.

Her main reason for wanting to separate from my dad is his incompetence and the unequal division of labour. This is something I noticed on my own growing up. My dad really does nothing in terms of raising his kids. 

Ive never seen him read to my younger brothers, or give them baths, etc. He rlly does nothing for them or for me . We are not close at all. 

All of the responsibility and the work that comes with parenting is laid on my mum. I help out as much as I can but I know it's nowhere near enough since a 17 year old girl probably can't substitute a father well. I'm also about to enter my final year of high school which includes major exams. I don't want to sacrifice my own opportunities and my life just because of the misfortune of having a poor excuse for a dad. Genuinely all my dad does aside from going to work is eat, nap 50 times a day, watch stuff on his computer. He also has an office of his own where most of his time is spent (the eating, watching movies, other work stuff, etc). If hes not in his office he's sleeping. My parents also have separate rooms-mum with the boys and dad in his own room, so! 

We dont have very many options in terms of housing or where we could go if a divorce actually does happen. I doubt the custody over me and my brothers would be shared or split 50/50 given his incompetence. I see myself to be pretty independent and I dont have issues taking care of myself, but I also doubt anybody who knows my dad and his "parenting" style would trust him to raise two primary school kids on his own. So the living situation almost definitely would be mum + 3 kids.

We're already not in the best financial situation. Its not that we're 'poor' but things are still tight. Whilst my mum was on maternity leave after giving birth to my brothers, her work place shut down permanently and she has not worked since.

I feel a sense of urgency here because my dad sets an example for my brothers, no matter how much I or my mum can interfere. I would seriously appreciate any advice or some semblance of a solution anybody has to offer!

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome to the Forum. The housing situation causes so many problems, this being one of them. It must be so frustrating to want ot leave for good reason but simply cannot. 

You obviously have thoght about this a great deal however there are a few things worth mentioning.

With children a divorce does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship as custody, and the cooperation that needs, comes into it.

Without wishing to defend your father if he works then maybe your financial situation is improved because of it.

It s a great pity your mother's employment closed down, not only would it have given her more independence but also maybe a break from the home situation. Does she have anyone who can look after the kids?

You worry about the example your father is setting, and that is most important. I do think however your mother and you in particular are counteracting that and show how to cooperate and get things done. The sooner your brothers can be included in this the  better.

You do have a balancing act coming up, it may not be possible to assist your mother as much as you do now. Your own future may depend on your success at studies and it is simply not worth sacrificing that. What does your mother say?

I wonder if you hve talked this over wiht your father, not to accuse him of neglect, but in a more positive tone offering him opportunities to contribute?

You are most welcome to keep talking here

Croix