Separated from partner of 6 years and now starting a new relationship

[Lolly1986]

I am 30 years old, and last July I decided to leave my partner of 6 years. We had only gotten married in November 2015. She decided that a 'too close for comfort' friendship that bothered me and made me question her faithfulness was more important than me and our relationship. So after trying and trying to resolve issues, I left for the benefit of my health and spirit.

4 out of those 6 years were spent trying to conceive, which for a same sex couple is difficult to say the least. All I've ever wanted was to have kids of my own, but fertility issues held me back. After doctors appointments, surgery, drugs, diets, detoxes...I threw in the towel.

This has all taken a serious toll on me, mentally, emotionally and physically. And now I have started a new relationship, the topics of marriage and kids comes up. Although it excites me it also scares me because I dont want to be a failure again. I often wonder if my ex gave up on me so easily because I just couldn't fall pregnant. maybe my existing emotional baggage, depression and anxiety was too much.

I want to be happy and healthy, with my new girlfriend, and feel confident about the future. I go through ebbs and flows of emotion about my self worth, I fear being left again, not being able to trust properly. The baby 'stuff' is a raw nerve and as friends around me start families I cannot cope. I feel like a big ball of emotion that needs to explode but then the next day I will be calm and happy. It's so inconsistent.

Right now is a down day. I feel like crying non stop but I dont know why. I don't want to go home, I dont want to be around people, I dont want to sleep, I just feel lost and irritable.

[Boo1986]

Hi Lolly1986, isn't 30 fun? Not!! It seems to come with all these reminders of things I thought I would have "achieved" by this age... but life has some unexpected twists and turns. Sometimes the path that you thought you would take is very different to the one that is actually right for you.

Have you thought about adoption or fostering? Often people that have troubles conceiving are putting themselves under so much pressure their bodies cannot cope. You can take away all the stress of conceiving and still welcome a beautiful little soul into your family.

When I was younger, I thought I wanted to have children of my own, but as I have grown up I have decided it is far more important the way you raise a child than where that child biologically came from.

Don't let yourself get weighed down with stress over things you are not at fault for. Let yourself feel the love and excitement during the beginning of this relationship so you always have something wonderful to remember when the relationship goes through its ups and downs (as all do).

Keep in mind that your value has nothing to do with being able to have a baby, and your girlfriend should know this. Sometimes fear of being left can actually cause issues that lead to a break up. Be yourself, open up and be honest with your girlfriend. Listen to her when she says she loves you and believe that it is true.

Hopefully your day is almost over, you can go home and have some alone time to work through all your feelings. If you need to talk, I'll be here to listen 😃