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Scared of rejection second time around

Clear82
Community Member

I gave my ex a second chance.

First time we were dating, all seemed fine and then out of the blue he messaged me saying he can’t be with me anymore.

Now we have been dating again for a month and everyday I live in a state of anxiety that he going to do it again. I lose sleep over it now and read over our texts all the time and think oh maybe cause he said that he isn’t happy or it’s been long wait for text etc.

How do people cope with the fear of rejection?

2 Replies 2

TunnelVision
Community Member

Hi there Clear82. My advice would be not to rely on texting as your primary form of communication.

I have just come out of a semi-long-distance-relationship where we did text a lot and it is easy to fall into a habit of over-relying and over-interpreting what is said in text.

My second bit of advice that when we enter a relationship, we put our hearts on the line and there is always the chance of rejection. We just have to be prepared to take that chance.If this guy is worth it then you perhaps need to learn to focus on the good stuff and put the past behind you. Breaking up by text does not sit well with me, but you forgave him and took him back so this is a whole fresh page for you guys.

The problem with texting is that you can interpret the written word in so many ways, especially texts which are generally pretty shorthand ways of communicating. It's like that phrase "let's eat grandma" A bit of punctuation and it can have 2 very different meanings. Also, and this is just my opinion, but you shouldn't be having important conversations by text; if it's about feelings or your relationship or anything big, that needs to be face to face or at least by phone so there is no scope for misinterpreting.

So with the texting, dial it back and start actually talking more - by phone or face to face. If he sends you a text that makes you feel uneasy, pick up the phone and call him just to clarify it. This will help with your own peace of mind and also helps create connection through real communication.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Clear,

Welcome and thanks for starting your thread.

I was about to reply when I saw tunnelvisions reply an helpful suggestions so I won’t repeat them.

I do agree that talking on the phone and face to face will stop misunderstandings from text.

I can see that you were prepared to give your partner a second chance and I wonder if you can think of the reasons you did. you said things were fine at first.

can you focus on the good in the relationship and enjoy the times you have together.

Feel free to discuss this further if you want to.

Quirky