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Riding the rollercoaster

Neese0891
Community Member
Hi everyone, this seems like a great place to seek support. After landing a new job which I have been over the moon about for the last week I am having one of those days today where I am feeling quite lonely, not seeing the joy in much and crying for no reason. Despite a seperation three years ago I have a wonderful life in comparison to some so when my brain switches for whatever reason it does and I feel the way I do today it just really sucks. Part of the seperation meant that I lost the sense of family. I was quite close to my ex's family, I still see most of them from time to time but it's not the same. I have family but we don't catch up or hang out with each other much, three siblings live in other states so that doesn't help. I like to eat well and exercise, I try to avoid too much alcohol (while I enjoy a night out the aftermath is not so good-alcohol being a depressant and all!) and I try to keep busy so I can never understand why I get down sometimes like today. I have a small handful of friends and know plenty of people via my local sporting club but they will never fill the void of coming home to family. I have one daughter who is grown up so she does her own thing, I do see her every week but I miss hanging out in the same house with her terribly. And then there's social media! I do try to avoid it because all I do is compare my life to everyone else but it is addictive, I guess I see it as a way to connect with others at least. Maybe on this forum is a better way to connect? I am interested in people's thoughts on whether they think social media is good for them or not?? Thanks for reading.
7 Replies 7

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Neese welcome & yeah this is a fantastic safe well moderated place to be without judgement. Another thing I can't shut up about, I swear people are gunna start walking away lol

Loneliness although you have some friends and people contact is good but that would be hard. Good you're still in touch with some of partners family. Understand you saying it's not the same though.
Going through similar in the not the same context with loving family on late partners side,going to stay there couple days soon actually.

Yeah social media is great BUT has so many downs as well but then I guess too that can be the case in RL too. I think if it's pulling you down maybe take a wide till you feel a bit stronger do you think, cause as you said here will be a good place for you and if you want to navigate these threads you'll meet new peeps too & the beauty of here is there's only support and understanding not judgement or criticism. Seriously great place.

Do you think seeing a counsellor or psychologist could be useful, apart from here they're a good help with the right fit, and maybe able to sort out the why's for the downs. If you do want to through GP there's up to 10 free visits to either with a mental health care plan.

Sorry you're feeling low, hope you come back to keep us updated, I'll be back even if not for periods of time.

Cya later hoping.

Thanks Demonblaster. I did see a counsellor not long after the seperation and tried medication as well. My down times are less frequent than they used to be so that's a good sign. I kind of know the triggers for the downs, it's just really hard work lifting myself out of the mood when they happen. I feel a bit better today, still a bit drained from crying but otherwise ok. Thanks for your words, much appreciated.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Neese0891~

You sound pretty much on top of things. By that I don't mean you are not still going through the throes of separation, loneliness and the gaps in your life. The feelings that overwhelm will still be there. As you are finding they do get less frequent as time and other things take over. I mean you are doing all the right things, having some contact with that family, being reasonable about drink, have friends and a lifestyle that's a good base.

Coming home can be a hard time. Trying to think of all the good things in a sort of 'intellectual exercise' does not seem to work well, any more than comparing your circumstances with those worse off.

So what can you do? Do you think you can come up with an action plan in the good times to put into effect as the soon as the downs start. If it is predictable, such as nearing home, then can you think of anything that will make homecoming something to look forward to instead? I know having a lovely partner on the doorstep might be best - however something a little less? Perhaps a pet?

Another action plan for when it just hits for no real reason? Dunno what, you would know you better. One thing I do is come here and try to help others, makes me forget myself for a while.

As for social media, I guess it depends on how you use it. For many there is a temptation to display their lives as a sort of Kardasian world, full of all the good things. So if you look at these then you are going to half believe it is true and feel wanting as a result.

If you have one or two friends or family that you feel comfortable talking with on FB or similar and come away from each conversation happy then foster them and cut out the rest. If there are not threads you get a lift from then just leave social media to one side, this is how I have found I'm best served.

I hope you do feel welcome here and will come back often and then leave each time feeling a little less alone.

Croix

Neese0891
Community Member
Thanks Croix! I was just talking to someone today about getting a parrot haha. Teach it to say what I want to hear perhaps. I too like the thought of helping people, get out of my own world for a little while. I like the feel of the forums already and will most definitely feel welcome. Thank you for responding, it helps a lot.

You're welcome Neese 🙂 Hi all 🙂

One of many WOW blew me away that supported us and me during & after loss of my darling to leukeamia had at roughly same time broken up with her fella ( he broke up) she was gutted, & said that in a way we're going through the same thing. Gave some thought & could see the truth in that, it's a grieving isn't it, loss.

Kudos learning triggers, and yes it is hard pulling up when the beast being so strong wants us to go South, Croix has some good thoughts there, also a suggest is in the good times, awesome that you're having more now btw 🙂 to write down things that make you happy, a psych in one of my extreme deeps said to do this and it worked, didn't think it would in that state, it was simple stuff like being in the water, birdies singing, trees, around people (not always lol) taste, sounds, etc, could be song you like, so doesn't have to be hard thinking's my point and apparently there's a few apps out there if you have a mobile can be handy, keep forgetting to ask the chooky that said about them and others have here too.

Distraction seems like a good go too, even just for short periods of time, gives the mind a rest free from pain

Back to fb, also a thought reading Croix's post you may already know but you can block notifications from certain people could help to atm not feel down then if you wanted can unblock later.

Glad you feel good here, it's an amazing site, I rave on to anyone and everyone lol, but then I just rave anyway 🙂 nah well yeah

Thx coming back, good to see you've got a bit of sun happening too

Thank you Demonblaster. Yes I think sometimes I am still grieving after the seperation, it was more of a sad situation than an angry one, I still miss his company from time to time (and my daughters), I just didn't feel right in the relationship anymore, didn't feel love. Every now and then I feel like I've had my fun being on my own and perhaps I should go back (neither of us have entered into new relationships) but I know in my heart it wouldn't work and we would just end up in the same situation. So yes the grieving continues from time to time.

I have started using the post on here about the 3 things you are thankful for each day. Just writing it down does make a difference! I have unfollowed a few people on Facebook, they're not doing anything wrong, only sharing their happy moments but I just compare my life to theirs too much. I try to stay off it on the weekends especially.

I can have a good rave too - because I have worked admin for most of my life I type really fast!!

Thanks for your words

Pleasure :)
Yeah I'm getting better at typing, mind you spend a good chunk too on the backspace lol

Loneliness is very hard, cruel. I'm not now but was not long ago although friends/family here, walks that see people.

It's a biggly to like ourselves, we spend all our time here with us so helps. I'm slowly getting there.

Good reasoning that yous would be in the same place again.

Yeah those threads are awesome aye, I'll put a link up for another too if you want to visit. Similar.

staying-well/store-your-happy-memories-here- by Croix, the links not live I just found out but it's a gooden too.

Ok getting too late again oops,

Catch ya later

sleep well