Thanks quirkywords. For the first time ever (looooong overdue if you ask me) he’s made an effort for himself to talk to a counselling. He has an anonymous one available through his employer. Trouble is finding the time around his impossible work schedule. And money is too tight for either of us to use a paid counselling service. I’ve spoken to my GP and he’s referred me to a psychologist so hopefully I will qualify for the ten sessions rebates through Medicare? I don’t know if that’s fully covered or if there’s a gap.
I should mention, he’s lived in chronic pain for a long time which I know does really bring him down. He’s also a cancer survivor and has not enjoyed great health ever since his treatment. This is the first time he’s got serious about looking into a fitness plan to combat his pain which is made worse of course by being a bit out of shape. He used to be a very fit guy. So it does seem he’s had something of a wake up call.
He also seems more motivated to do stuff around the house in the past few days. I don’t want to get too hopeful, but I’m not sure I’ve seen him actually show this level of initiative in a decade. I have made a real effort to be calm and kind in that time. I’m sure this helps but I’m also sure most ppl could understand my frustration over the years of living with a brick who doesn’t respond to anything and the enormous workload that has meant for me. I don’t deal with that frustration in the most productive way, but I am only human and I get bloody tired and exhausted too (I have recovered from chronic fatigue problems with a great integrative doctor).
I have a couple of friends to talk to. I have not shared the infidelity part with girlfriends because honestly I don’t find their feedback helpful. It’s always along the lines of “well he should be helping you!” “That’s not good enough” “he needs to get over himself.” None of them have lives that have been even remotely similar in difficulty to ours. I don’t need to be told he should be helping me. I also don’t need to hear all about how woooonderful their bloody husbands are.
The two ppl I feel most comfortable asking for help/advice or just venting to are male friends, one who is a mutual friend of ours. I find them much less focussed on judgement and more focussed on “Well, life is never ideal so what can we do about this.”
I find women competitive, especially in the relationship stakes.
