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Forgiveness, where is the boundary before you can’t forgive,

Community Member

Hi all,

I was in a new members thread earlier and consequently came across this issue of forgiveness with another member, so I thought rather than hi-jack the thread I decided to create one that allows us all to talk about our ideas on forgiveness and when do we draw a line in the sand, or if we choose to at all.

I have found here that are plenty who have forgiven, those who want to forgive, and those who want to be forgiven.

all are welcome to join

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

This topic has been raised before. It's interesting. I believe we have the wrong idea about forgiveness and how it works.

It sounds on the surface as though we are bestowing a favour on the other person by forgiving them. Well many people do not care about being forgiven and will shrug and move on. Forgiveness is really the wrong word. A better word is acceptance and the ability to put the whatever behind us. We do it to help us move on. We all know how uncomfortable and/or painful it is to be continually upset with someone. Constantly going through the scenarios and wishing the ending was different.

It's when we can give that pain away and continue with our lives that we appear to forgive the other. In reality we are exchanging our anger/pain for rest and the acceptance of what happened. No need to apportion blame to anyone. This sounds difficult to those who have not done so. We want the other to suffer as much as we do/have done. It's human nature and when the other seems not to care, or worse continues to harm others, we become indignant. No use. That person will continue to live their life as they choose with or without our approval.

You can tell the other you have forgiven them but I doubt there will be any sign of remorse or gratitude. Mostly that person will not care or think we are fools. Forgiveness is for ourselves. A place we can get to where the event no longer hurts and bothers us. Not easy to do as we all probably know, but far easier that making ourselves forgive the other.

Often it's said that the other person does not deserve forgiveness. Or has not asked for forgiveness. Well that's not really up to us to decide. It's like saying we have the right to punish the other. No, we do not have that right. All we control are our own thoughts and feelings. This is what makes us uncomfortable or hurts. This is the only area we can heal. Once we can do that I believe we have reached the place where it is said we have forgiven the other person.

In reality the other person has lost control over us because we have moved on. That person no longer live in our thoughts. What happens if someone asks for forgiveness? That's a hard decision as we may not have reached the place of acceptance. Would you feel guilty if someone asked and you said no? It would appear we are mean and cause more problems. Unfortunately others would see we cannot forgive and then we become the bad guy.

Work on acceptance not some noble sounding concept which is impossible.


HI mary

very well put,

acceptance is a good word and more transcending than forgiveness.

But, to me forgiving someone is acknowledging that that person can learn and change for the better.

acceptance is understanding change won’t happen and one accepts that.

I think forgiveness allows one to be validated as a human being regardless of their action