Post covid world and relationships

[LF1986]

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit and it changed even more. I don’t hear from anyone ever. Tried a few times but it feels one sided as though I haven’t made the inner circle of my ‘friends’ has anyone else experienced this? As an example friend bought a house, one moved state, one is pregnant, one has had ivf on her own and no clue other than generic social media updates. I did get upset I didn’t know and was met with comments or just say congratulations. curious if anyone else is experiencing this in their lives? 

[quirkywords]

LF1986

Thanms for your post amd for ypur observations.

Yes I found that after the fires and covid

people I  thought were my friends were not .

they never answered my emails.

I think many people are experiencies as everyone is changing and evaluating the last two different way.

1. I'm interested in continuing this discussion if you want to post again.

[LF1986]

Hi quirkywords,

thank you for responding. Just feel like I am endlessly looking for a reason for it. Been a really difficult few years and some people seem to have strengthened their relationships and I am sure I am not alone in this not being the case, it’s a very lonely feeling. I have stopped trying to reach out and also almost feel like I am grieving this. Unsure if for most it has gone back to normal but I know personally a lot has changed. Also made me question alot.

[Guest_342]

Hi LF1986,

I completely relate to this. Maintaining friendships is, even at the best of times, something that requires work and nourishment but COVID lockdowns and other restrictions made this so much harder. I feel I lost some friendships during that time but am not too concerned, as they simply weren't strong enough to weather the situation - well, that's how I choose to see it 🙂 But a small number of friendships really bloomed. I have also been trying hard to meet new friends through eg social apps but am not putting too much pressure on myself with that or trying to rush those new connections because they do take time to grow. I think forming friendships and retaining them after school/uni years gets harder.

What I would say about your perceptions of your friends' lack of engagement, though, is to perhaps challenge your assumptions about why they're not in touch sometimes - e.g. is it *really* because they're not interested or is it perhaps that they got busy and simply forgot to check in with a few friends (including you)? I personally find it hard to commit to a large number of friends and I have a small number of good friendships and, even with those people, I tend only to see each one every few weeks or monthly at best. I love my 'me time'. But I try to send them a text every now and then to keep the connection and be really interested in how they are - maybe not just, "Hey, how have you been?" (as those texts seem hard to want to engage with) but maybe something more engaging like eg "Hey You crossed my mind and I wanted to check in and see how you are? I did [something interesting - details] the other day". Or maybe tell them about something funny that you saw. I find with some people, they are never going to be the one to initiate contact or catch-ups. That used to upset me so much and I read into that that they didn't want to be friends. I said to myself that it's their turn to contact me and I would gove them radio silence to prove a point. But in reality, they might not have even noticed the little 'game' I was playing. So I lost so friendships because of that - they just fizzled out. But I've come to accept more recently that that's just how some people are (as hard as it is for me to understand - because I'm not like that) and if I want that friendship I will have to be the proactive one. 

[Beaser]

Hi LF.    I started a new relationship in early covid days .  In a way i think it made us bond better because other than seeing each other, being in  vic  most of the time we were all supposed to stay home and all social venues and ativities stopped.     After covid i felt a need to reconnect with old friends and this put a strain on things and we are now apart.   I hate what covid has brought to us all.   I  seen an old friend on the weekend and he didnt want to shake hands and i respect that.  Ive had my four vaccines and im done with it all .  Im also sure ive been around covid as ive been in some crowds at times but i havent caught it .   Yes i do think its greatly affected peoples friendship circles .  Im not changing my approach to people though .    I hate what it has done to us all.       Beaser