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Post break up loss of hunger

T-j1996
Community Member
I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with for a year and a half about 10 days ago. I had found out that she had been cheating on my with a group of rather... 'unsavoury' boys, sleeping with several of them.
In all the time we spent together I never, not for a second pictured her to be the sort of person to do this. She was always the sweetest girl. She made me feel so special and she was the first girl I've ever dated that I can say, with 100% confidence, I loved more than anything in the world. She was my best friend and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her.

I've stopped eating. I haven't eaten since I first started suspecting things weren't right... and that was 12 days ago. I've been drinking a lot. And more than too much of that has been alcohol. I can't eat. I've tried so hard to nibble on things but even the thought of swallowing causes me to vomit. I don't know what to do. I'm looking like a wreck. I have bags under my eyes from getting about 1-2 hours sleep every night and I've lost nearly 6 kilos of weight. I'm all alone, all of my friends were her friends, and I know that they're not going to want to have anything to do with me now. My family won't help because they never approved of her in the first place. Every night I lay down and clear my head, yet I can't sleep. Even when I'm not thinking about her I'm in physical pain, in my stomach.

I feel like I should see a doctor, but I've heard that there isn't much they can do when the cause is something purely phycological. I feel like I'm getting weaker every day, and honestly I just have no idea what to do. I'm not sure if I'm going to last like this.
9 Replies 9

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi TJ1996

Welcome and good on you for posting too!

Im really sorry about the pain you have been going through.....I remember going through the same.....It Hurts!

Its so sad when we have our heart 'trashed' when feeling so strongly for someone 😞

Just re the GP's....They have much better training on psychological health than they used to when I had my chronic anxiety attacks.....

I really hope you can make a booking (preferably a double appointment) and really let her/him know that you are doing it hard.

You have everything to gain....and nothing to lose

(I still see my GP every month for a tune up with my depression)

If you have any questions or just want to chat there are many caring and non judgement people on the forums that can be here for you 🙂

please be gentle with yourself in this difficult period. The Beyond Blue Support Line has qualified caring people to if you need a voice on voice....1300 22 4636.....24/7

Paul

MyProfile
Community Member

Hi TJ1996,

I'm so terribly sorry to hear of your heart break. You didn't deserve to be treated this way by someone you trusted and gave your love to. You deserve someone to treat you with the same love and respect that you give them.

Please don't let this destroy you. The fact that you are hurting so bad and suffering so deeply tells me that you have a wonderful capacity for love. Look after yourself and give yourself the love and care you deserve.

Seek help from your gp, they're much more well equipped to deal with this sort of stuff than you think. To me this is a crisis situation and you need help immediately. I'm sure a doctor will do all they can to help.

I also think that if you or your gp can somehow get you to hold a little bit of food down it will help with your appetite, and even a bit with your mood. When I'm stressed I stop eating too, and it becomes self-perpetuating, I feel sick because I haven't eaten so I don't want to eat, and at the same time I can't manage my thoughts because my brain is starving!

Please, please look after yourself, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, you just have to fight your way through and you're totally worth it.

All the best wishes and keep chatting here, people want to help.

MP

Staele
Community Member
Hi T-J

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation myself. I lost my relationship with my partner who was my best and only friend in the entire world back in november after finding out he had cheated on me and no longer loved me apparently.

I haven't been able to eat or sleep right since then either, and i have been to see a GP and got put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.

I find my hardest times to be at night when everyone in the world is sleeping and all i can think about is how he's now probably cuddled up with the person who he cheated on me with while i lay alone in an empty bed wondering what i did so wrong to lose him like that.

I don't know what advice i am fit to give as personally i'm barely clinging onto things myself. But i hope that you manage to get through this. I wouldn't wish this kinda of thing on anyone.

Thetormentofexistence
Community Member

Hi T-J,

I feel so much for you. my heart is honestly breaking for you.

you sound like such a loving and caring person.

as previous comments above state: please see your GP. they are definitely switched on and can cater to your needs. It's important to have a GP you feel comfortable with and you are familiar with.

my GP had helped me with my recent problems, including my break up, the loss of my childhood dog, feeling there is no purpose in life as well as hating my job. I have started a diary stating everything I feel or have felt during that day, a lot of people suggest this but I honestly think it works wonders.

Please get your feelings out in anyway possible and I'm so glad you came here to do so, please have a read of some of these forums, you are not alone in this, trust me. Moving forward and dealing with this is so hard but there is a way through. Don't lose hope.

i really hope you're feeling better and have a bit to eat, even just a piece of fruit or toast. You will build your strength up over time, unfortunately I know this doesn't happen over night but we are all here for you. Let me know if I can help in any way xxx

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi T-j, after a year and a half this is not something that you would ever think was possible, and I'm sorry that you have been let down by someone who you thought only loved you, it's more than a disappointment, it's heart wrenching to even consider that she would was capable of doing this behind your back.
Love is such a difficult word to understand, because within it there are so many complexities that you may not know about which could be alright, but to learn that she has broken that trust with you is not something that you would ever expect, the shock, the shame and the embarrassment that she has caused to you is something she would never be able to explain, because she has broken this love, but more so your trust.
If you knew that this was happening then it would be impossible to remain a b/friend with her, because just the thought of this disgusts and horrifies you, and maybe all these other guys never knew that she was sleeping around, but that doesn't matter, she could never make ammends, because you trust in her would be zero.
Your g/friend has done this behind your back without even considering what your reaction would be, and didn't care at all, she only looked after her own interests and that's not what love means. Geoff.

Hi Staele,

I just wanted to write to you to tell you how sorry I am this has happened.

i feel that being cheated on is one of the lowest things someone can do to a another person, especially their partner.

I know all too well how alone you feel when cuddled up in bed alone at night, just remember that you are free, you can spread out whenever you want 😉 but seriously you can be whoever you want to be without anyone holding you back (not saying your ex was but you can be happy without him trust me)

It doesn't happen overnight but with the help of talking about your feelings and accepting who you are as a person will make you feel more confidence and self-love.

As much as everyone can say this: try and distract yourself, gain new skills, gain new hobbies, gain new friends. Support yourself with people who really care about you and want to see you happy, please know that all of us here want you to be happy.

Even if you don't feel like it; you are loved and there are people here for you, feel better xx

Great way to think about things Geoff!

As much as you love this person they have broken that trust, it hurts so much.. how could you guys ever push through this issue and trust again? A very hard task to accomplish and remember that you deserve better treatment than that!! X

Jane2
Community Member

I split with my partner of 15 years. I wanted out, but it was a hard year, taking on the kids, moving house, settlement and the stress he put me under. I basically didn't eat for a year (hot dog every 2 days, or one small meal a day). I was a smoker and basically lived in cigarettes. I lost 20kg. But once everything settled, I put on 30 kg back on.

please be careful substituting alcohol as this does not look like a healthy path.

Brockstorm
Community Member

TJ

hey, first time on this site and your post was the first I read. Felt like I was reading my own story almost.

Like the others that have replied, I definitely recommend you go see your gp, they are more equipped to help you get back on the right path.

i know it's hard when you can't stop thinking about everything, and it's hard to get the energy to even try and do something to take your mind off it all.

i won't even pretend to know the answer all I can say is one piece of advice I got from some caring friends is to just go one step at a time.

it takes a lot of courage to tell your story, and by reading your post it makes me feel not so isolated in what I'm going through, I wish you well on this journey, and hope you find the happiness you sound like you deserve.

Cheers