Post Abortion

[Buterfly121]

Hello everyone,

I had a surgical abortion on Tuesday this week due to an unplanned pregnancy and I feel nothing - obviously the physical side is painful but I have no emotions about it at all. I almost feel as though I chose to abort my baby so therefore I don’t get to grieve and have the feelings that go with it. 
Has anyone else felt like this? I know eventually as with all traumatic events some feelings will eventually happen

[Sophie_M]

Dear Buterfly121

We know that it can be incredibly difficult to share our story, so we want to say thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience.  We’re so pleased you have reached out to the supportive community.  It is in moments like these, we like to offer a friendly ear to listen to these troubles and discuss any options or assistance that may be appropriate.
 
In addition to posting in the forums, we also invite you to call or chat to one of our trained mental health professionals who will also be able to listen and offer care; it’s completely confidential and available 24/7.  We can be contacted via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat, just click here.  You might also like to contact Pregnancy Counselling Australia on 1300 737 732.


We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.


Regards

Sophie M
 

[yggdrasil]

Hi Buterfly121,

Thank you so much for sharing your story on here. I think it's a really brave thing to do, and I think it will help others going through the same experience. 

I haven't been through what you have, but I can relate to how you are questioning your emotions, or lack of emotions. I think it's important to remember everyone is different, and reacts to big life events differently. Some of the things that are extremely emotional for most people may not be for certain other people, and vice versa. I'd be wary of any thoughts spinning round your head saying you should or shouldn't be feeling a particular way. Also, while simple events produce simple, easily understood emotions, complex events produce complex, even contradictory emotions, which can be harder to understand.   

Do you think it would be helpful to speak with someone? This can even just be to help "think out loud". I've used the BB phone support Sophie_M mentioned before and found it really helpful. I am also inclined to trust the referrals BB staff make - I suspect the counselling service Sophie_M mentioned could also be really helpful. 

Thank you again for posting on these forums - it's a very brave thing to do and you should be proud of yourself. I hope you find some support or perspectives that are helpful. Wishing you the best,

yggdrasil

[ecomama]

Hey Buterfly121

Welcome and thankyou for posting! I'm so grateful you found the BB forums as your safe space to share your experiences and feelings. 

I'm so grateful our country allows women the choice of what happens with their bodies and Counselling to support them. 

It seems like you're feeling confused at least, mentioning not feeling anything then remarking it as a traumatic event.

Just remember you don't have to feel any particular way in reaction. If you do, you do and you can share here. 
If you don't have any particular reaction then that's OKAY TOO. 

I would love to see you feel empowered by this decision to take control back of your body. Hopefully you can get further support through your GP to help with preventative measures. Hugs. 

You are absolutely allowed to grieve, ofcourse you are! Sometimes we are in a position that forces certain choices to be made. 

Hugs to you and please continue to share if you feel like doing so
Love EM

[jaz28]

Hi Buterfly121,

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you are feeling conflicted over this. I think that abortion is such a stigmatized and unnecessarily "controversial" topic, that having one almost feels morally "incorrect", if that's the right word. BUT it is not. Do not let anyone tell you it is either. Abortion care is healthcare and it is YOUR CHOICE given what is best for you and your baby (albeit a clump of cells at this point). A lot of people have a different view on abortion, and that is valid, but I believe that you should not feel guilty about choosing what is best for you. And maybe you feel the same, hence the lack of emotions? You have not developed an attachment to the pregnancy and you knew you would not want to keep it. Maybe you will develop feelings, may you won't. But if you do, just remind yourself that you made the right decision for yourself and that is all that matters, and allow yourself to grieve if you need.

I hope you are okay and please reach out if you need it.

Jaz xx