On the brink of seperation

[Sad-Depressed]

Hi all,

reaching out because I'm having a really hard time coping at the moment.

Last week my wife of 10 years confessed that she has been seeing someone else for approx 5 weeks and would like a divorce.

I knew our marriage wasn't in the greatest place, especially after COVID. We seemed to have lost our connection due to work, kids and just life in general but I never felt it was at the place where divorce was on the table. Communication is also not one of her strong points so its not like it ever came up in conversation.

We don't have a toxic relationship, there is no abuse or constant fighting, I feel that this has just occurred because we didn't spend enough time with each other.

I have tried multiple times over the past week to sit her down to talk about things but the interactions are always the same - She will give me 5 mins, answers are very short and sharp and she acts as if I'm just an annoyance to her. She doesn't want to consider counceling and feels the spark is gone and can't be recovered. Sometimes during these conversations she will even laugh at what I'm saying - which is normally something like "please think about this, I love you and we can work through this". LIke its all a big joke.

I'm absolutly shatterred. I'm having a very hard time eating, concentrating, working ... pretty much anything. She seems to be going on like things are normal.

We have 2 kids (4 and 7) and recently moved to Sydney for a happier better life. I have no friends or family here and am now starting to feel trapped because if we seperate I can't leave the kids. I'm also terrified at the fact I'll only be seeing them 50% of the time once we split.

I still love her very much and am willing to look past the affair if she is willing to give it another go (and end things with this other guy). She is still living in the house but I have asked her to move out. Whilst shes here I can't help but feel there may still be a chance to reconcile things but this her ice cold exterior is really starting to get to me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Sophie_M]

Hey Sad-Depressed,

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing what's going on for you here. It sounds like things are especially difficult at the moment, with the instability in your relationship on top of feeling quite isolated where you're living, and dealing with the impacts on your wellbeing. We think sharing here is a really great start on the journey towards feeling better. 

We'd really recommend reaching out to the Support Service to talk this through. Please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. Other options include Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277, or the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. They offer free advice to families going through separation.

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members soon. We hope you can be as kind to yourself during this difficult time as you have been in opening up and sharing with the community here, today.

Kind regards,

Sophie M