It's clear I think that recent years has disclosed the immense differences between ages in terms of our thinking patterns and values. The new "woke" and the over 50yo are miles apart for example. Such differences can infiltrate into families and groups causing conflict. To minimise mental anguish is to acknowledge your differences and stop the interactions in their path before you suffer the consequences.
Family members can experience vast differences between each other. In my family it has become clear that narcissism has been handed down on the female side of my family. This revelation is indeed raw, it's hurtful as after 67 years I havent been able to combat it, cure it, sooth it nor cope with it. Narcissistic triangulation would have to be one of the most evil actions someone can do to another let alone within family. It is a process whereby one person has conflict with another and seemingly without taking a breath, the narcissist recruits other members by whatever means possible to "fight" their foe, be it young or adult children, parents, wills, anything to "win". What kind of sibling would manipulate against you by convincing others of your wrongdoing hence leading to the severing of your relationships of other loved ones? So this topic is indeed close to hearts out there that need to cope with loss
How do you cope? I've learned how. Draw your line in the sand. Eg You have a friend and you think you know them. They drop in as your daughter and her new boyfriend visit. Her boyfriend is of African decent. Your friend leaves and next time you meet you ask why he left. "I dont like to associate with Sudanese people". Immediately that is a red flag to my values and I would straight away inform him our friendship is over. That is breaching my values fully.
However, as humans there are less controversial judgements that are flexible. Eg politics. You can tolerate the differences. The time when I cant do so is when they constantly ignore the warning given to not talk about it or promote their party and why I should change my political choice. Similar to enforcing ones religion. So it isnt often the topic but how someone dominates the topic as they dont accept your freedoms. Flexibility needs both sides.
Whether you are in a marriage whereby your partner is trespassing beyond core values or family members, you have the right to - draw the line. For my well being I cease the relationship and move on. Saving a toxic relationship isnt logical
How do you cope?
TonyWK
