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Partner suffering severe depression decided to leave me.

KLJF
Community Member

Hi all,

My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago.

At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figure himself out. I lived with him at the time, but was happy to give him the space he needed, I would go stay elsewhere, and would not contact him unless contact absolutely needed to be made. About a week later, he had a break down, he cried for about two hours, telling me that in the week we had been apart, he had been getting into some pretty reckless behaviour, and in being away, he realised he loved me and wanted me back. We spoke all night about what he was going through- he realised that the problems weren't within our relationship, but they were his mental health.

I took him back, and for the last few months, things had been fantastic- he had gotten himself a car, and we just moved to a new house together. Although there was a lot of positive moves happening at this point, he had been telling me how much he was not enjoying work, and how he had been feeling down, and didn't know why, but had been reassuring me that we were okay and that he still very much loved me. He agreed to see a psychologist, and has since been diagnosed with a severe form of depression.

Last week, he made his second attempt at getting his license, and failed, and he became depressed again. On the same night, we sat and spoke for a few hours, but then he looked at me with a blank expression and said "I don't love you." I was devastated, there was no indication that anything was wrong with our relationship at all.

In the past week he has still been affectionate, but is now telling me I need to move out, and is continuously telling me he never loved me. However, in the past week, he has been sleeping all day, has tried to avoid going to work, and wants to spend all day and night playing video games. He insists that he is fine, and that he "just wants to be alone."

With all of the signs he's displaying, I know he is going through a depressive episode, and although I have tried to offer my love and support, he just gets defensive and angry with me, and says cruel things.

I'm sorry for such a long post, but I would really appreciate any advice on the situation at hand. Could his depression be the reason he is feeling this way about our relationship? What can I do to help him without him attacking me?

Thank you in advance.

2 Replies 2

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear KLJF~

Thank you for coming here. I'm sure it's a very worrying and confusing time for you, and sorting out what causes the different attitudes your partner has over time is very hard to fathom. Plus unless you have a good idea of that it's even harder to know what to do.

OK, I can tell you have I have felt - I think you will see a parallel. I was invalided out of the police with PTSD, depression and anxiety. When the depression was bad my whole thinking changed. I did not think - among other things - I was capable of love, did not realize I loved my family and general thought everything was black and hopeless. I was 'cut off' from myself and my emotions. I was always tired, no enthusiasm for anything , and just wanted to hide away.

I was angry and resentful even when the gentlest of support was offered.

This state came in episodes. My wife initially thought at least part of the trouble was due to her - a completely mistaken idea. I had to have extensive treatment (I did have the other two illnesses to be dealt with as well). Without that treatment - and my wife's strong patient support I would only have gotten worse.

As to what you should do - I don't know exactly. I guess it depends on the strength of your relationship and your own self-confidence and ability to cope. Trying to care for someone with depression is no easy or quick task. Apart from anything else you need to look after yourself - something many in your position neglect to do.

beyondblue has a publication that is designed for this situation, which you can download form here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

Apart from that I'd strongly suggest you read up on the illness in The Facts menu above and also have a browse in both the Depression and particularly the Carers sections of this Forum to see how others have coped.

Please feel you can post here anytime, we would very much like to help and are interested in how you are going

Croix

BballJ
Community Member

Hi KLJF,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I understand your partner has been diagnosed with a severe form of depression, what is in place to help him with this? Is he seeing a counsellor for this more importantly? Is he able to speak about things when he is in a clearer head space? It is extremely tough to support someone with a mental health condition but you clearly do love him so just keep trying to show that love to him.

Are you possibly able to engage his family to get to talk to him about all of this? Has he got a support network to help him other than yourself?

My best for you and your partner,

Jay