Partner needs a break

[Melf]

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. We still live separately. All I want is to be a family. Lately he has begun to feel empty and completely run down. He says he's in a rut with everything and he doesn't get excited about anything in his life. He doesn't really talk to me. I really want the relationship to work. I love him alot. On Sunday he asked me for space and hasn't spoken to me. I'm so lost and confused and I don't know if I should have hope or if he has given up on us. I don't know if it's the depression or if he just doesn't want to be with me. I don't think he has the space to think about me right now because of how he feels in himself. What should I do to look after both of us? I am have lost my person and I don't know if he will ever want me back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Such a difficult situation to be in, the middle of nowhere. He obviously doesnt realise that clarity is needed and deserved or he hasnt got that in his mind either. Either way its causing you distress.

My immediately feeling is to give him space he asks for and as he hasnt given you a time frame like say 2-3 months maximum, I's give him that while spending all that time distracting yourself with activities and those activities are for you to consider but along the lines of new experiences like hiring golf clubs and gathering a few friends for a session, camping, gathering friends at a cafe for lunch. In my case 30 years ago when my marriage fell apart, 2 young kids, I bought land, spent spare time clearing it and built a kit home. I was so exhausted I didnt think about my kids as often when was a real process of grief.

If he has depression of other challenge along the lines of MI you can only suggest medical advice. We get that commonly here, people that are in denial. Essentially its his responsibility not yours. Sadly

I should imagine your biological clock is ticking. That is not something to be taken lightly. During this time of "space" you could re-evaluate your future with him. Yes, you love him, I'm aware of that, however you also want a future partner that is reliable and can communicate so effectively that you are never left in this position of lack of clarity which is a feeling of emptiness and insecurity.

Spend your "space" time as enjoyable as you can make it. Socialise with friends and their friends to get a feeling of how others feel with their partners and how they obtain unity in times of doubt.

I hope that helps.  Reply anytime and my thoughts are for you.

"Most of us strive for a partner that is compatible and we can fall in love with... some seek a soul mate where doubt never appears and consideration of your partner is paramount...partners we hold hands with, soul mates we breath for...."  (TonyWK)

WANTING FREEDOM

We can fall in love with many people

We can cherish their care

But its all such a waste

When they're not there

For its one thing to want freedom

Even for a week

But its another to not be worried about you

His freedom more important- than what you seek...

TonyWK