Partner has abruptly ended relationship and blocked social media.

[DangerousDave78]

I have known my partner for 6 months and within the last 2 months have become very close, way more than friends. We haven't placed a label on it but were very much beyond dating. We live apart in different states, met and courted due to my being in her location for work and the discussion of LDR hasn't been a concern or issue to either of us.

She does however have a history of an emotionally abusive ex-husband and suffers PTSD and anxiety as a result which she receives counselling for. Recently to add to this her grandfather is close to passing away and her father appears to have cancer, literally occurring within the same week putting tremendous strain on her. In all this I've tried to support her as best as I can.

A week ago I came home to QLD, we left on great terms and we talked to each other daily but for a good 24 hour period she fell silent. The next morning I messaged and asked what was going on as it was really disconcerting and she told me that she "couldn't do it anymore, couldn't sleep or eat, was in a bad way and that she just wanted out." After that, blocked me on facebook and instagram however hasn't blocked me on Snapchat which is what we primarily use to talk / video call. But to date won't answer back to my messages or take/return my calls asking to talk about things. Will look at story posts but gone silent. I have her phone number naturally but trying not to bombard her.

I love her very much and understand she is going through a lot right now but hard to understand why she is choosing to shut me out. I still have no idea what exactly is bothering her. There is a lot more context that I can't fit into 2500 character limit.

Just asking for some help and insight as to what I should do that I haven't done already which is to reassure her, say I'm there for her and want to talk to her. Afraid to lose her as I consider her to be my person and I firmly believe she feels the same.     

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There can be several reasons for "silence". They range from the person believing they have already addressed the issue eg "....she just wanted out." to using silence as a weapon of which, in my first marriage for 11 years I endured. I dont think it is the using it as a weapon scenario here. And many other reasons eg self protection another relationship, distance etc.

The only recourse or valid reason to continue communicating is that you havent had enough expression from her to give you closure or any possibility of a continuance of the relationship. For younger people this can be frustrating and unfair. Older people generally have a down to earth chat about it and therefore more upfront and direct.

So, with my ex wife, that silence was very frustrating. If I asked her to tell me the reason for (whatever) her silence was her tool of trade. If she remained silent that would hurt me more than informing me, answering the questions asked... hence using it as a weapon. Relationships such as yours will leave you high and dry so you have to ask yourself- if this relationship is to become long term, permanent and maybe live together... is this silence what you would be able to deal with?

Paint scenarios- if you upturned your life, made a interstate move, changed jobs, lived together and maybe had a child then- gone? maybe moved in with a friend, stopped answering calls and texts etc and no way of visiting your baby how would you feel?

Whether you sort out you issues (her issues) or not this is the question that has to be answered by her. Such lack of clarity is unfair on you despite her past issues like PTSD etc, this is how she is conducting her relationships and it is unacceptable.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that Tony , l see there l need to be asking myself the same things in my situation and it's finally sinking in.

Op , separately , tbh there's 5 ot 6 threads round here that l know of , and prob a lot more that l don't ,  of other partners and women doing the exact same thing. Unfortunately mine included, she says she's too sick to have a relationship, then 2 wks later she isn't or she's back. She's had many very hard situations and as from MH problems too. 

Your lady , it sounds like it is just too much for her atm too and l'd say that's just what it's about , it's just too much for her right now. But whatever the case l agree with Tony and she should explain rather than just drop out and that way of handling things is just plain scary in the thought of any real future , as Tony pointed out. lt has been a very serious issue with my lady too bc she's done it 5 or 6 times but at least she does explain it l'll give her that much. At the same time though l'm starting to except finally, that l'll just never be able to trust life with her bc as soon as things are a bit much she'll just cut and bail.

l'm sorry about your situation and everyone l guess is different , but l do agree with Tony.

Take care of yourself.  rx

[DangerousDave78]

Thanks for your insight and from randomx as well.

She finally answered a video call from me but to say the conversation was ice cold was an understatement.

Got berated that I wasn't giving her space like i said i would and i was being selfish towards my wants and needs but as you have stated she has stayed silent up until that point so had no true idea what she wanted. She blocked my snapchat now as well and phoned her to try and get some sense to it all but got verbally belted again as she was at work. 

I have taken stock of the situation and realised that it isn't a situation I can influence anymore. She is trying to tell me she has no emotional time for me on top of her other troubles and so I have to live with that. It is fair for her to say that I have been selfish with my feelings and what was happening with me as opposed to her needs. Having said that I have only asked for her to communicate but I'm not going to get that while she is in her current mental state so I have apologised, made amends where I can and giving her the space she is asking for.

If she values me or us as a future, then I've left it in her hands to decide when she wants it. I'm happy with that and feel is the right path for now. I will either hear from her again or I wont.  

[DangerousDave78]

Yeah i know and thanks for your input.

I do have to put myself in her shoes and you can agree that two close family members both in very poor health almost simultaneously and then dealing with her existing mental health and throwing me into the mix can really stuff your day at the beach. I've thought about it and while i would rather she communicated, I understand I am probably last on her list of priorities, which is fair to a point. I don't think we would be having such acute problems if it wasn't for the family illnesses right now, it's been the straw that's broke the camels back.

Giving her the breathing room and letting her decide when she is ready. But if she doesn't then i will surely know.