Partner acting strange - think he may have cheated. Anxious.

[unsure44]

Hi.

I am a very anxious person, and my partner has recently been acting strange and I am reading very much into it.

He recently went away for the weekend with some friends, and got very drunk and went out. All night he was texting me things such as 'I love you', 'I'm going to marry you', 'I promise I won't hurt you', 'Don't get worried and cheat on me'. This was him being very over affectionate which he usually doesn't do. Mind you, he has not been out drunk without me yet, so this may just be drunk texting. He got home but stopped replying as soon as he did. I noticed on his Uber receipt he split the Uber with two girls whom I know are friends with the person he was staying with. He never mentioned this to me though, possibly due to my anxiety.

However, the next day he acted quite normal until that night. He began being over affectionate again, constantly calling me baby, telling me he would marry me again, saying 'just keep remembering I love you and I won't hurt you', 'don't be worried, I'll treat you the way you deserve', 'I'm doing everything I can to make you feel better and loved'. This might be too much detail, but he asked me twice (and I did twice) if I could send some pictures so he could .... because he missed me. This was also unusual to do it twice on his behalf.

The next day I said I felt quite uneasy and nervous and he just got very defensive saying he has told me he would never do anything and I need to stop bringing it up. He also said to me "if you're hiding something, tell me", which is accusing me of cheating - which he has never done before.

To me this is all signs of him being guilty, but I may be overthinking it. I cannot see him for a couple of weeks as he is away but this one night is really playing with my anxiety and I just need advice on whether this is normal behaviour because he misses me or if it is possibly guilt.

He has never cheated on me that I know of, and I cannot bring it up with him or he will get angry. I just need to ease my mind for now until I can see him. This is the first time we've been away from each other and I just am feeling so uneasy.

Thanks in advance.

[MsPurple]

Hi unsure and welcome

I know you are worried about your bf cheating on you and is irritating your anxiety. I think open communication is essential in a communication. We also need to be mindful that when we are consuming alcohol. He may have just hit a point where he was unable to text anymore and just crashed for the night. I also think he may not have thought about telling you about the ride share since you already knew the girls. Yes he maybe acting a little sus but maybe he just feels guilty or a bit awkward about his drunk messages. I think you need to have an open discussing with your boyfriend about communication and trust. You want to be able to trust each other or the relationship will not work. My boyfriend is currently on a guys trip and we have open communication and because of this I fully trust him on this trip. IT is something to work on and it becomes easier with time.

[To_Old_For_This]

Hi unsure44

As someone who has been cheated on, lied to and blindly gone along believing/trusting. I would ask the questions. You have every right. Frame it in a way that you are not straight out accusing perhaps.

If you have suspicions, keep your eyes and ears open. I never snooped and that is one of my biggest regrets. Maybe if I had off, I might have known sooner and put an end to it.

I hope your suspicions are wrong, but if they aren't, it's better to know what you are dealing with sooner, rather than later.

Best of luck.

[JessF]

Hello unsure44, I agree with MsPurple and Too Old For This. Communication is essential in a good relationship, and keeping things bottled up out of anxiety is only going to make the problem worse, and make your resentment come out in other ways.

The bit that worries me in your post is where you say "I cannot bring it up with him or he will get angry". Being afraid of your partner is not a good place to be. If you compromise your own needs out of fear, you will lose yourself as a person. People who are secure in their relationships will not be bothered by these discussions. In my experience, only those who are insecure or have something to hide will be defensive and project those feelings back onto you.

[Terry73]

Hi unsure44,

I wont say if he is or isnt cheating, more about what I think he means by his actions to you, as if I was in his shoes, well as I interpret it anyway.

You claim this is the first time you guys have been apart, from his point of view, from what I understand, he is missing you as much as you are missing him, so he is texting you. Him being drunk is also a way in which he is more "brave" to let you know how he really is feeling towards you. I think that way because if he was cheating on you, he wouldnt really text you, as there is no reason but to throw suspicion on himself and wouldnt really be in the frame of mind (if he was cheating) to actually remember to send you a text. It may also be that he has talked with these girls about you, and they have given him advice on how he should be communicating with you, and letting you know how he feels and he is acting on that advice.

Anyone would get defensive if accused of something they hadnt done, you know how you felt when he accused you of cheating there, he is probably feeling much the same way with your worry to him, so he is dealing with it his way.

I am not saying he is, or if he isnt cheating, merely my thoughts on it, my suggestion would be to keep this in mind, but then still continue as normal as if this wasnt a concern, or even never happened. What I am saying is dont jump to a conclusion so fast, show a little patience, it will reveal things for you to be able to make a solid conclusion.

I do agree with JessF comment that it worries me that you are afraid to confront him, never be afraid to confront someone, it is far better to deal with anger and then reach a solution than to be left with assumptions running though our minds, of course be tactful in how you say things to him if confronting him about it so as to get his honest opinion without trying to spark his anger (you will have to work that out yourself), but also be patient, the situation might be something that I have stated, and by jumping to conclusions early, you will effectively make him more closed to you in the future as he will be worried to say something to you in honesty in fear of a similar reaction to now. It just would be better to allow trust to build, so you can go to him honestly and without fear, and he can come to you in the same way.

Thats my thoughts, hope they help

Terry