Parents Of Adult Children, Did Any Of You Cut Your Grown Up Children Out Of Your Will?

Struggler · ‎13-06-2014

I am contemplating just that, removing my younger child from my will. This is not just a fleeting thought. It has been on my mind for years. I think this will also help reduce sadness I feel everyday.

I'd like to hear from parents who experience the same.

Struggler

charliec · ‎14-06-2014

I often have to force myself to get out of the house also!

And thanks.. I hope he's see logic too!

white knight · ‎15-06-2014

Hi Struggler,

My type of depression isnt the type to restrict me to bed. I get up then wander aimously around, cry a lot, write sad poetry. And try to work out the meaning of life also.

But I soon motivate myself. I think of an example where someone has exceeded beyond their dreams, their abilities. Last week I recalled Kathy Watt, the gold medalist in long distance cycling. She won gold from a plan. She would get to the front of the pack, then pull away. Knowing they would want to catch up to her she'd put in another 10% effort BEYOND HER BEST. Then 3 minutes later another 10% beyond her best. She knew one thing, her normal best was as fast as her rivals. So 20% beyond her very best was unbeatable. Finally towards the finish line she pulled out another 5 %. She knew she had gold.

This inspires me. It snaps me out of my gloom. But it wont wont for everyone. But I urge sufferers to find "their way" to put one step in front of the other to get to the open air. Anything to feel you have achieved.

Struggler · ‎15-06-2014

Hi charlsc and Neal

Thanks for the encouragement.

My younger daughter sent me text on Friday night saying she had arrived back in Adelaide. I didn't reply. Then, next morning she texted again asking if I wanted to see her. I replied by asking her to bring back the house key. She came in around 1pm and stayed briefly as she'd made plan to visit her father. I was in bed feeling so sad. She asked if I was going to disown her by taking back the house key. I explained I needed the key for my new boarders. She accused me of acting like a baby. She asked if I wanted to have breakfast the next morning. As I didn't feel like going out, I asked her to bring/buy something instead. She said she'd be here at 9am. I waited till 12:30 pm and she showed up.

I had no warm feeling towards her even though she tried to make conversation. After about 10 minutes of small talk I said,"You'd better start driving back before it gets dark." She lives five hours from me now due to work. As she was walking out, I said, "You don't have to visit me. Don't feel obliged." Immediately she retorted, "Mum, I am sick of you playing the victim." I just calmly replied, "There must be good reasons for me feeling this way. Drive safely." and closed the front door gently.

I am feeling sad now but I was feeling sad anyway because of her. It makes no difference. I will remove her from my will next week. A lot happened between us in the past and I think I am better off without her, unless she changes her attitude towards me. The chance of that happening is remote.

I haven't been out of the house over five days and I must go now to get some grocery albeit with a heavy heart. Chat again later.

Struggler

Neil_1 · ‎15-06-2014

Dear Struggler

Thank you for sharing your most recent post.

I applaud you with your stand you took to your daughter and your final sentence that you delivered to her before you closed the door. Well done.

In instances like that, I usually jam up and think about 3 hours later, "Oh damn, THAT'S what I should have said". So well done to you and also for getting the key. And oh wow, she still must have a dig at you.

I agree with you, the chances of her waking up and changing sound very remote.

Charlsc provided a really good thing - so when you do go to the shops, to get the necessities; also get yourself some nice flowers - a great suggestion. Then sit them pride of place in the kitchen, or family room - somewhere near where you will see them regularly - and NO Struggler, don't you dare say, on your bedside table 😉 😉 😉

Kind regards

Neil

Neil_1 · ‎15-06-2014

Dear Struggler

ps: this Canadian trip will be a definite challenge. I've been warming to it of late, but just over the past few days, things have changed in my mind - and it's that old depressive state, where you cannot put words to why or how this has come about.

I know it won't be a waste of money - because there's 4 of us going, so at least I know definitely that 3 will be over the moon with everything. I've just gotta dig real deep.

Anyway, sorry, I'm not hi-jacking your thread with my troubles anymore.

Kind regards

Neil

Snuffleduck · ‎26-06-2014

Well, I myself have been disinherited by my mother at least 7 times, so perhaps sometimes it is hereditary!

It's a sad situation to find yourself in. I am going to disinherit my son. I have no qualms about it. But it's still sad.

Keep strong.

Struggler · ‎26-06-2014

Hi SnuffledDuck

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for commenting on my thread.

Sad, yes I live with sadness in my heart everyday. How did it come to this? I know I have my other daughter who cares about me. The frequent fallout with this younger daughter kills all the happiness I enjoy from my other area of life.

You always hear that parents give unconditional love to their children. I sometimes wonder about that. This maybe true when they are little and malleable. Parents with adult children may understand what I mean. I feel used and discarded.

Struggler

Cherpieus · ‎21-09-2015

Hi Struggler,

My husband has two adult children. He is planning to leave his million dollar home to his son alone. Not to me (wife of 4 years) and not to his daughter who caused him much grief during her teenage years.

This is his prerogative. It doesn't matter if I or anyone else thinks it's right or wrong.

People make decisions like this for various reasons... some make them for practical reasons, others for emotional reasons, others for financial reasons. It sounds like you are making the decision for emotional reasons and that is totally fine and completely your choice.

You can't make everyone else happy, you just need to do what gives you peace.