Over my selfish husband

[Fed_Up_Mumma]

I’ve been married 3.5 years and have a gorgeous 4 year old son and a beautiful 6 month old daughter who are the loves of my life.

My husband on the other hand...I love and care about him and don’t want to split up but I just wish he wasn’t so damn selfish. When I think of him, the first words that come to mind are all negative: selfish, unreliable, lazy.

He contributes to the household financially but that’s where it ends. He literally does not lift a finger around the house, has never washed any clothing for anyone but himself. Refuses to bath the kids, won’t play with them outside or take my son anywhere.

He won’t even take rubbish to the bins or wheel them out on bin night. I literally have to do everything. He works, eats and sleeps. His world revolves around him and his wants and needs. Not the children or the family as a whole.

He spends most of his time passed out on the lounge sleeping. I know he’s depressed, so am I, but the difference is I do something about it. We fight so much about his mental and physical health and not helping out at home. His response is always I hate doctors and I’m lazy.

I’m over his selfishness and unwillingness to change his ways. I can’t count on him for anything. If he puts our son to bed it will be 1 hour later than his usual bedtime and he won’t read him a story. He tells me he will do the daycare run one morning then the morning comes and he decides he is too tired and not up to it. So I have to scramble down with unwashed hair and dirty clothes to get my kid there on time.

I’m completely exhausted as I do everything when it comes to the baby and our son. I cook, clean and if I take a break he comments on the state of the house etc yet he won’t lift a finger to help. I feel so resentful because he is not the husband or father I hoped he would be.

He is his own number one priority. I’m just so tired of nagging him to help out, do things, see a doctor about his mental health etc I’ve literally got burnout from dealing with and living with a lazy, selfish person. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It would be easier talking to a brick wall than trying to get through to him.

[Fed_Up_Mumma]

Hi Marisa,

I’m sorry to hear that you too are exhausted and frustrated. Relationships are hard enough without having all these additional difficulties thrown in.

Thanks for saying I sound like a great mum. I try so hard to make sure my kids want for nothing and know how loved they are. It’s nice to hear that positive feedback as I sure don’t get it from my husband.

Take care and I hope things improve for you.

Kelly ☺️

[Juliet_84]

Hi Fed up mumma,

I suppose I have just learnt to find my peace. If he wasn’t here, I’d have to do all of these things anyway, and so I just do them as if he’s not. I enjoy tending to my animals, having my house (relatively) organized, and I also make sure that I prioritize myself. I enjoy playing sport a few nights a week and so I make sure that I always make time for that. And if that means that some things don’t get done then so be it. I usually ask him to do them and then I don’t hear about it if they don’t get done. I still make my comments but that’s really just so that he doesn’t think he’s gotten away with it. Sometimes I get childish temper tantrums when I ask but I now just say things as a “joke” but the point is made. That’s sad that he doesn’t care about his own child’s routine. He is the only person who will miss out from that. Your children will know who was there for them and cared for them. I’m so glad to hear that your son is growing up to be the way he is, not only is he being such a great help to you but he sounds like he will be a lovely partner to someone one day. Well done mumma, he is a restatement to all of your hard work 👏 I wholeheartedly encourage you to get a cleaner, do whatever you can to ease the burden on yourself and allow you to wrestle a bit of time back for yourself - I’ve learnt that no one will give it to you, sometimes you’ve just got to take it!

[Sweesoft]

Hi,

Hope you are well. It's really exhausting at times to be a wife. They expect us to be this and that, and they don't even ask us if we're all right. When you feel like that, there's nothing more to do but to take a break. You gotta love yourself too. You can't fill somebody else's cup with an empty one.

I wish you all the best.