Only child is gay

[Emma_4376]

Hello, I am the single parent of an only child (aged 19) who is gay. I can't find any support while I'm adjusting to this news and no options come up when I google. Is anyone else in the same situation? Thank you.

[Emma_4376]

Thanks Tony, I appreciate your thoughts. I guess I'm struggling with expectation and like most people, things happen in life that force us to change our perception. We have a brilliant relationship - there is no doubt of our love for each other and he knows I love and support him as he navigates early adulthood. Having read everyone's comments over the last few days, I've come to the conclusion that my sadness is because I only had one child. I just don't know anyone else - there is no forum or therapy for parents of only children who mourn the loss of a family that never eventuated.  

Thank you all, and Beyond Blue, for your contributions. Em x

[white knight]

I'm so happy to hear you are close to your son.

I do understand however I think you might be looking at this in the negative view with great respect. See, my wife never had children but now has a wonderful relationship with my 33yo daughter. I have two daughters but I have zero relationship with my youngest so really I only have one child. This is common not rare. You've mentioned a few times that having only one child as if that places you in a disadvantage uniquely, but I dont think that is relevant at all and I'm concerned that this belief that it's the pivotal reason for your problems is just not in the balance of things.

The core of my reply here is that having one child should be totally fulfilling in terms of how lucky you are not that only having one child causes such sadness. For that reason I suggest softly that you consider a visit to your GP to discuss this and take on any recommendations. This reply isnt easy to make because the last thing I want is to upset you in my endeavour to help. 

You said you are close to your son which is great, any unfulfilled vacuum left in your life may need professional consultations. The following post might help. I hope you are ok.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/who-cries-over-spilt-milk/td-p/43088

TonyWK

[Emma_4376]

Thanks Tony, food for thought

[Sophie_M]

Hey Em, 

We just wanted to pop in and thank you for starting such an important conversation. All the feelings you experience while adjusting to this change are completely valid, and we’re so grateful you could share your story here. 

We also wanted to second ecomama’s and Geoff’s wonderful suggestions of websites that might be helpful:
The Strong Family Alliance’s LGBQ Parent Guide
Raising Children’s services, resources and links for LGBTIQ+ families

We know you’re feeling alone in being a parent of an only child. We’re sorry to hear that. We think what you’ve shared here is really powerful. You never know who is reading this and feeling less alone in their own journey.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[OdliDPrincess]

Hi Emma.
Thanks for posting! For my friend the school counsellor was an immensely helpful resource when she came out in year 10 - Is your son willing to have a chat to the school counsellor? Another option for both you and your son is QLife who have qualified counsellors online and the phones for free until midnight each night.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Emma_4376,

Thank you for expanding on how you’re feeling, it seems this has brought up a lot of old unresolved issues related to your desire to have more children and thus perhaps assure grandchildren and the continuation of your family. One thing I will say is that nothing is guaranteed in this life, my parents had both myself and my older sister - both of us are straight but neither of us have decided to have children. And so I’m sure my parents are also struggling with a similar feeling as well. Grieve the loss you thought you would have but be careful that your child doesn’t see this as a condemnation of their choice of partner as I imagine it’s extremely difficult for them dealing with their feelings and so they may be incredibly sensitive to any perceived judgement or negativity. I should also say that my gay friends have had children via surrogacy so that door isn’t entirely closed either. It just may not happen the traditional way you expected but there’s no reason you can’t have a full family 

[Totally-Lost]

Hi Emma

i know how you feel, my only daughter has come out saying she is gay. I love her dearly, but this news has floored me and the dreams I had imagined. It’s not that I don’t love her, I just didn’t see this coming. I cry daily and will be dealing help in the new year. I do have a younger son who doesn’t know about his sister yet coming out.