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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Scoop04 GF left with no warning. Looking for some advice.
  • replies: 4

My now ex GF and I have known each other for 17 years. We have been friends but not overly close. That was until COVID hit and we just started talking. We hit it off instantly once the COVID restrictions were relaxed we were hanging out. Because of h... View more

My now ex GF and I have known each other for 17 years. We have been friends but not overly close. That was until COVID hit and we just started talking. We hit it off instantly once the COVID restrictions were relaxed we were hanging out. Because of how long we had been friends we kept our relationship a secret for awhile until we told our closest friends(one of hers is my sister inlaw). This started to make things progress we went to the footy together and started making long term plans, she even mentioned when we retire. This made me so happy, I knew I loved her very early on. I had always known she had suffered from severe anxiety and depression but it never worried me. I was always supportive of her even when she cancelled dates at the last minute. Her health was the most important thing. Things started to change when she got a new job and the support she was promised never came. Her stress levels rose and her anxiety and reclusiveness became stronger. We still talked like everything was fine until one day she asked to meet up and she ended it and told me she didn’t have feelings for me. It felt like to come from nowhere and has shattered me. I know she loves me I have felt it and when she ended it she told me she didn’t want to do it and I was perfect and knew her better than anyone ever has. She even kissed me. I told her everything would be ok and let her go. Things got the better of me and the next day I met up with her again and told her I loved her hoping that she would see that she was worth it and I wanted to be there through the thick and thin. It’s now been nearly 2 months and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is posting things on social media that too most look harmless but to me I can tell she is struggling. I need advice on how do I approach this? I have read similar stories on here about the anxiety kicking in and telling them to run and making them believe stuff that isn’t true. I want her back in my life. We are perfect together. But if nothing more I just want to help her and get her though everything she is going through. She is the most important one to me. So please reach out if you can help me on any way. I’ll be forever greatful.

Summer188 Drug dependent mother
  • replies: 2

I'm 23 now and out of home but feel as if I've never properly addressed the ongoing issue of my mother being addicted to prescription pain medication. As of the last 12 months all my siblings are finally living with their dads (aged 11,15,20) and I'v... View more

I'm 23 now and out of home but feel as if I've never properly addressed the ongoing issue of my mother being addicted to prescription pain medication. As of the last 12 months all my siblings are finally living with their dads (aged 11,15,20) and I've moved out of home but my feelings of hopelessness always seem to return to centre around mum. Its taken 4 trips to the hospital for accidental overdoses and millions of "im sorry it won't happen again" yet nothing seems to change. This week shes finally off to move to QLD to have her sisters support but just doesn't seem to get that she's put herself in this position. This issue has been going on since before I was born, and I feel as if this has just been the norm for her now for so long that she forgets that she doesn't need to be doing what she's doing. That yes she needs to be only given 3 days medication at a time because she's the one that put herself in hospital on numerous occasions. She's apparently been diagnosed with fibromialga and constant migraines so is on a constant pain medication schedule. Now when I look back on the 18 years I lived with her, I realise that it was me running the household. That when she went through 2 divorces, I was the one trying to raise us kids. That when she would not get out of bed for days, I was the one to feed everyone. I feel this build up of resentment but I can't say anything because her last trip to the hospital left her brain not 100% all there. She wants this great relationship with her kids and thinks she has one but we don't enjoy speaking to her and hearing every time that "the doctor won't give me more how stupid" as if she has no idea what she's spent the last 25 years doing gets too much. I dont really know what I'm trying to get out of this post, maybe just to hear anyones similar experiences. I've tried to speak to a counsellor about this in the past yet after 2 visits and an hour and a half im apparently "fine" and "much better now". Anyone have any idea on how to let go of this resentment? I'm sick of feeling down and over thinking everything because I'm worried about hurting her feelings.

A_Elise Partner broke up with me because of his mental health
  • replies: 6

Hey all I am in desperate need of some honest advice. So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while now and last week I had been noticing him acting strange. By strange I mean leaving me on read and giving me short replies which worrie... View more

Hey all I am in desperate need of some honest advice. So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while now and last week I had been noticing him acting strange. By strange I mean leaving me on read and giving me short replies which worried me because I was getting the feeling that he'd suddenly lost interest in me. Then midway through last week, I asked him if he was okay because he's been acting strange and he asked if we could be on a break because he doesn't feel like he has the capacity to be in a relationship right now due to how he feels as though nothing makes him happy anymore and he has to fake being happy all the time. I tried to reason with him and ask for him to give us another go and I reassured him that now that I know what he's going through I'll know to not be hurt if he treats me badly and he eventually agreed to give us another go. I felt so selfish for basically forcing him back into a relationship when he's in the state he's in so a few days later I said that if he wants to go on a break I'd be fine with it because I want him to be happy. This was a few days ago. Our conversations still weren't flowing like they used to and whenever we called each other it just felt weird and not as natural as it used to be. So tonight I naively asked him if this was maybe him just trying to break up with me and we ended up actually breaking up because he said that he just can't be in a relationship right now and that if we truly do love each other then we'll eventually get back together again. But I didn't see the point in actually breaking up if we were eventually just going to get back together again and I began begging for us to just be on a break at least but he said that he didn't want to do that to me. Again I began reassuring him that I didn't care how badly he treated me and that I'd do anything just to at least be on a break with him rather than broken up. Now we've decided to just go back to the way we were before we started dating and we may or may not be back in a relationship again when he feels like he's doing better. I feel so horrible and selfish for trying to force a relationship back onto him with all the stress he's going through right now but I feel absolutely shattered. How do I support him and make him feel that we can be in a relationship while he's in this state? I don't want to force him but I just don't know what to do without him. I just cannot stand the thought of losing him. What should I do? Thank you.

Ryanmb92 Ruled by anxiety of previous relationships *Trigger warning: history of suicide attempt* 
  • replies: 3

I've had a tough run with girls, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a genuine soul but I've been cheated on by all 4 of my partners. The first 3 were sucky but the last one was the worst. She was sleeping with her colleague. She would see him before she... View more

I've had a tough run with girls, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a genuine soul but I've been cheated on by all 4 of my partners. The first 3 were sucky but the last one was the worst. She was sleeping with her colleague. She would see him before she would come home to me and then one day I caught her out with a lie. She simply broke things off and started openly seeing him. We would talk about kids and marriage. I was played, there was no closure and no way I saw it coming. When I was younger I was very depressed and attempted suicide. I remember presenting ED a few times when I thought I was close again. I remember one night the private hospital turned me away (regrettably) because as a uni student I couldn't afford to purchase a room. I remember sitting in the rain in the car park not having the courage to actually get it done, I was just crying out for help. I was so worried I would keep having episodes like this. I felt like that independent of the break ups but the breaks up were catalysts to those situations presenting again and often in their worst state. The reason I say that is for context. Its been 6 or 7 years since I have taken medication for my mental health. I don't know what you call it. Some doctors say depression, some anxiety, towards the end the Psychiatrist called it bipolar. I live with my highs and my lows. I now find myself with a lovely girl. A gentle soul and nothing surer in this world than she is kind and nothing like that which has hurt me before. But my anxiety rules me. My mind races. The first person I trust not to be like that, but to trust is just to set myself up for such a situation above, or worse, to happen again. I find myself inventing scenarios, anxiety ruling my mind at the thought of if I finally, honestly trust again that nothing sinister is going on that I will end up in the same situation but worse. I know that if I was to dive in again and have it happen again then I dont have the capacity to survive it. How do you move past your mind's own protective instinct? It sounds so simple, or so common, but for me it's everything because it feels like I don't have another shot in me after that.

Winny90 Lost and Lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi all, first time poster here 9 months ago I was in my 10th year of a relationship and woke up to my girlfriend saying asking if I was happy. At the time we were not the strongest, and I said not particularly, but I wanted to work it out. She had he... View more

Hi all, first time poster here 9 months ago I was in my 10th year of a relationship and woke up to my girlfriend saying asking if I was happy. At the time we were not the strongest, and I said not particularly, but I wanted to work it out. She had her car already packed, and left to her parents house interstate. A few weeks earlier, I was looking for engagement rings, so this was a huge shock and I did not know how to react. She left behind a few things and our cat. A week later, a mate moved in, so I was not really processing what was going on. I did try to message her, but only received cold texts. My mates told me that she would be in touch with me as she left me, and if not, I should try and move on. I would cry every night and wait by the phone, but never received a call. 2 months later, an old friend got in touch with me, and gave me some companionship, which was the worst thing as I was vulnerable, and I did get with this girl at this time. This person was the one girl that my ex always suspected something with, however I was always loyal. My ex found out and roasted me, and I apologized, heavily. I then told her I was looking to buy an engagement ring, and she said I should have just asked, and she would have said yes, but its all too late. I have done everything to try and get her back, expect drive up and see her. I only found out recently that she cried to my sister in law every day for weeks, and I never knew. They both used to speak bad about me, but did not know I cared and was crying too. She jumped into a relationship with another man with 2 kids recently, and has ben with him for 3 months now. I had a phone call with her last week, and she said she no longer loves me. A brutal year for me mentally, as I would cry to and from work, and thought I was doing everything I could to get her back. However all that I have found out is that I did not do enough, and I was a terrible boyfriend. It is only now that her friends spoke to me and understood where I was coming from, that I was not that bad, and I did try my best, I cared about her, and was living alone in constant depression. But it seems too late now, she just got a job in brisbane, I'm in sydney. To lose your best friend and soul mate was the worst, especially as I was not ready, was never told why, and every decision I made post was wrong. She was a beautiful girl and soul, it will be a long time before I pick myself up again To suddenly never see her again is hard

Maree56 Depressed husband-unfaithful
  • replies: 15

Hello all, i’ve got a bit of a messed up situation at the moment. My husband of 3 yrs has been depressed for 8 months but has had a lot of pressure put on him in the last few months that have severely compounded his depression. His parents have been ... View more

Hello all, i’ve got a bit of a messed up situation at the moment. My husband of 3 yrs has been depressed for 8 months but has had a lot of pressure put on him in the last few months that have severely compounded his depression. His parents have been relying on him a lot (too much) and we have also taken in a houseguest who is getting out of a physically abusive relationship and needed a safe place to stay (mutual friend). We have a child, and my husband has been telling me to leave him alone and just focus on caring for the child. our relationship has been strained because of the extra person living with us and the baggage that birngs. A lot of his time has been spent helping them and supporting them with things (like retrieving belongings). It is clear he is burnt out from the extra effort he is exerting to help everyone else. The past two weeks there has been a significant shift in the way he treats me -He cries whenever we talk about anything and cant even look at me. He says he is ashamed and that he doesnt want to hurt me so is staying away from me. I found wvidence that him and the house guest have been sleeping together- i am shattered because i trusted him completely, now i feel like im stuck. they are both severely depressed and very close to suicidal so i have not told either that i know and have carried on as normal. He tells me he wants “space to work himself out” which i have been giving him, but he also doesn’t want either of us to leave/anything to change. Told me he wanted space, i asked what that looks like and he replied with idk just let me work it out. this is a really shitty situation because i dont want either of them to do anything silly (suicide), i can’t ask the guest to leave because there is no family or anywhere else they can go, but i also (obviously) don’t want the cheating to continue. I feel like my husband is not himself (depressed) and that has lead to being unfaithful- i see how distressed he is and i just want him to feel better. I think he feels ashamed that he has done this, but won’t actually tell me because he doesn’t want to hurt me. I think i will just keep calm and carry on for the moment, give him space- in a 3 day lockdown, haha. I hope that things get better for all involved. just feeling really overwhelmed with all of this, not specifically asking for advice, just looking for some support/encouragement and being able to share whats going on (albeit online).

Augustus01 Drinking to excess
  • replies: 4

I don't understand the necessity of (mainly) young people to drink excessively these days. Going out drinking seemingly means writing yourself off and the next day to recover. Back in my day, which admittedly was a long time ago, going for a drink fo... View more

I don't understand the necessity of (mainly) young people to drink excessively these days. Going out drinking seemingly means writing yourself off and the next day to recover. Back in my day, which admittedly was a long time ago, going for a drink followed a meal, and involved company, sharing, conversations, and we all knew our limits. The drink allowed relaxation and sometimes someone would start singing some tune which others would join in, ended by a round of applause. Hangovers were unheard of. Now they seem to start before they head out, with the intention of one end result, regardless of who, what or where. And the climax seems to be where one ends up afterwards. I know all this is nothing new, but it's still alien to me.

Ceiling_fan Freak out during COVID, left my girlfriend and moved back to my home town. REGRET.
  • replies: 6

Hi, I know my situation is no were near as bad as lots of people on here. However I am in an enormous amount of pain - haven't eaten or slept really for 4 days. I had been with my partner for 3 years, we bought a house together in VIC, then in July l... View more

Hi, I know my situation is no were near as bad as lots of people on here. However I am in an enormous amount of pain - haven't eaten or slept really for 4 days. I had been with my partner for 3 years, we bought a house together in VIC, then in July last year I had a COVID freak out and decided I needed to move back to my home town in NSW. I asked her to come, but made it clear I was going with or without her. It took me 6 months to leave VIC, we stayed together the whole time. I have been back in NSW a month. I was sad when I first got back to NSW, but 4 days ago I have realised what a huge mistake I have made. I am crying upwards of 5 hours a day. I have been to see a psychologist but nothing seems to help. The only thing that I can think about is going back to VIC and getting back together with her. I rang and told her this a few days ago and she said it is too soon, she is not ready. I feel like I had the life I had always been dreaming about and then I have thrown it down the gutter. I am so ashamed of how I behaved and that I didn't realise my decision to leave VIC was based on made up fears, and I had it in my head she would just follow me to NSW. I have been a perfect boyfriend up until this. I just want to call her every second. Tt is so had not too - as she said, she needs space. I have told her I want to move back to VIC with her, but I have not told her about my not eating, sleeping and crying all day. Should I give her space? If so for how long? Or should I tell her that I am a bloody mess? I feel like I wake up into a nightmare every day.

Kaleidoscope_Eyes Confused
  • replies: 1

Married young. Grown up children. Two weeks after a significant anniversary and weekend away, my husband had sex with a prostitute and then started visiting hook up sites. I found out by accident. Other surprises he has had a porn addiction since a t... View more

Married young. Grown up children. Two weeks after a significant anniversary and weekend away, my husband had sex with a prostitute and then started visiting hook up sites. I found out by accident. Other surprises he has had a porn addiction since a teenager and has been pleasuring himself almost daily while watching. Our marriage was not in a great place before this and we were more like room mates. We both want to stay together. He has given me complete access to his phone. He tells me that he had withdrawn from the websites about a week before when he realised what he was doing and that is true from his records. He says it was a mistake and he will never hurt me again. He is trying really hard to make it up to me and asked me to remarry him. I am having trouble with dealing with all of this and have many questions. We have spoken about what happened. I know he is sincere in his apologies. My concern is that when I asked him about stopping at first he said it was because they wanted money and that they were all a rip off. That if he did that I would find out and get hurt. I am confused did he do it because he loves me or because he had to pay. I worry that if it was free he would have continued on. He won't discuss it fully with me and says we have to move on. It happened about two months ago but it is still haunting me and I feel sick sometimes wondering.

JoannaJay Anyone here have a controlling spouse?.
  • replies: 6

Hi, i am new,but have found the courage to answer a couple of posts,so here is my situation as discreetly as possible. My husband is both financially controlling and also very critical and often quite nasty towards me. He wasn’t like this in the earl... View more

Hi, i am new,but have found the courage to answer a couple of posts,so here is my situation as discreetly as possible. My husband is both financially controlling and also very critical and often quite nasty towards me. He wasn’t like this in the early days when I first met him,although he lived with his mother and also had friends who gave him meals etc. so never really had to care for himself,nor had he been married before. He,has super in the bank in a joint account I can’t access, he got a large inheritance,and ,he is also on pension which the accountant got for him,as his micro business is not viable by their reckoning. Meanwhile I am on the spouse aged pension,have to pay all my own food,clothing,medical (Clinic doesn’t bulk bill) and I have chronic conditions needing constant visits and multiple medications. I pay for my own dental,optical (have macular so need special glasses),pay half of pet vaccinations and recent surgery,and the list goes on. I have to pay $100 of towards utilities too. Needless to say out of $700 of I am struggling and paying off a credit card debt.He gives me nothing,no present for Xmas,just complaints,he isn’t affectionate,I don’t get even a hug or a kiss. I have seen numerous Counselling services,financial legal service,even a solicitor (more money I don’t have) who has suggested I now see a mediator,which cost money. My husband came to a marriage counsellor once, I had to pay for sessions,when it came time to see her as a couple,he hit the roof and said it was a waste of his time. I am elderly and have no family apart from a disabled sister. I don’t know where to turn to next Divorce is going to have to be very carefully considered,as he could lose everything,and I might be worse off also. Recently after a day of picking fault ,I had a week of severe depression,where I was suicidal,wanted to just vanish,felt like self harming and had no joy in life at all ,at least I am well over that,as had depression,anxiety since very early childhood,was hospitalised on a couple of occasions and seen a few psychiatrists in the past. I just wish there was one person in the medical profession who could set up a meeting with a social worker or someone,who won’t give me the run around,as I can’t face having to go through all the unpleasant details again and again.