FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Jealousy (material items)

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

The thing I find fascinating about jealousy is that few people that are jealous ever acknowledge they are.

Some might observe a neighbour with their shiny new car or roll up in a vintage sports car. Then they feel uneasy, they might in their mind criticise them "only on one wage and they are buying a sports car".

Welcome to jealousy. The amusing thing about it is that it is all very normal. We want what others have, we even justify ourselves for our feelings by suggesting they dont deserve it. All these emotions are normal. However, are they always normal and can they be dangerous?

Jealousy- meaning- "a feeling of unhappiness caused by wanting what someone else has". Envy is very similar. The danger in jealousy can lead to conflict, mess with your thoughts and even end with a serious law breach. So we cant under estimate its effect upon us.

How do we counter it if we acknowledge that our jealousy is rampant? Well, if we develop the kindness we have to include compassion for others, thats one way. In our minds we can wish them well, be happy for them. We can then embark on goals to reach a similar position of owning such possessions. So that process- accepting your jealousy as being normal, feeling happiness for the other person that they reached a goal, developing similar goals and planning to achieve it.

Jealousy is not dissimilar to many other feelings in that sometimes these common reactions need management. The theme wanting an item someone else has purchased is ok, it's when those emotions overflow, go beyond the norm is when it has developed to become a problem.

EG Your neighbours new sports car costs $60,000. After a few weeks of agonising over wanting a similar car you sign the dotted line and raise your debt $50,000 to take delivery of one. Your neighbours kids are grown up, he's retired and his work payout paid for the car. You have two young kids, one wage and a high mortgage.

You can see where I'm coming from.

I'm 66yo. I have a friend that went through these feelings (to buy an expensive motorcycle) when his wife was pregnant with their first child. He wanted a car like mine. I suggested he "wait till his kids are grown up" his answer "no, I want it now".Such has the latest generations changed from waiting to getting it NOW. That friend now has 4 young sons and one child on the way. You cant have everything anytime.

So jealousy has its ramifications at the extreme. Dont punish yourself if you want what others have got, its quite ok

TonyWK

6 Replies 6

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Tony,

Another great post as always. I don’t suffer from jealously too badly thankfully, as the few times that I have it’s been a fairly unpleasant emotion. My parents really instilled in us as children to be happy for others when they had something and modelled this by example, and placed a lot of emphasis on “good sportsmanship” etc. That the only race you were in was with yourself. I’m not sure whether that had any effect, but neither my sister of I are jealous people. Whereas I have known people to be jealous of cars and status, wealth, jobs, in relationships, the lack of struggle of others, even friends who have gotten pregnant before them. It seems to be a curse of comparisons. I’m not sure what causes it. I have known people who are relatively well off to be jealous when someone else gets something and have to go out and get the exact same thing that instant. At its core, we all recognize that jealousy is an “ugly” and negative emotion. No one wants to admit that they are envious of someone else or can’t be happy for them. These also seem to be the people who are least able to admit jealousy or any other negative trait in their personality because that would mean admitting some flaw with themselves, which their ego may not permit. Just my speculation of course. Like everything, the first step is acknowledging it’s a problem. Whereas I’m sure these people rationalize it away as “everyone is jealous” “I just wanted it because..”.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi,

I never used to suffer much jealousy

I think it can be controlled,

I have felt that ppl who have been jealous of me have at times been awful, as young girls can be to another

I had someone troll me on social media from an any ous account, I can only kmagine it was a jealous friend

U never know what someone goes through and what looks perfect externally could be anything but

Hi Juliet

I think you hit the nail on the head better than I.

Re: "It seems to be a curse of comparisons". Love that phrase.

I think your parents actually had some good raising techniques in their day.

TonyWK

Tony,

You are too kind, and I’m glad you think so 🙂 I have my struggles like everyone, but jealousy thankfully isn’t one of them. We’re all trying the best we can at the end of the day, so it’s always nice to see when people have a win.

I've come across jealousy that I would say is more, much more than that, grand judgement is what I'd call it.

Many years ago I was outside my sisters house in Melbourne talking to her neighbour. A car arrived across the road and up went the roller door and was driven inside. The chap I spoke to said "look at that brand new car, they dont have a right to own that at such a young age. I mean his wife doesnt even work and they buy a new car and have a new house built". It was extraordinary to listen to.

Later I mentioned this to my sister upon which she replied that the guy with the new car had lost both parents in a car accident and had inherited their property.

"Jealous is a curse" they say. Perhaps judgemental people need to just mind their own business and wish others goodwill and good luck.

TonyWK

Hi,

I love this discussion

I love Ur insights and appreciate the thoughtful and honest points, thank you Juliet and Tony, well said both of u