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No one on my side for big wedding. Lonely.

SquashedFairies
Community Member

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends.

My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelling back 3 times.

They moved away from me a decade ago and won't travel back for the wedding as it is too much for them. I have no family. I asked them to makeavideo but it is to depressing for them. My partner has his dad, brother and best man making a speech.

He asked me who else. My friend won't. None of them. Ilove my new family and my partners friends. I lost a lot of friends are divorce years back. Ihave a son with leukemia and lost a lot of friends from that. I am a stay at home mum living in a new area hours away from my friends and they don't invite me out.my best friend have new best friends.

Idon't think i am an awful person. I am honest and always kind and funny and loving. But i feel i have nobody to talk to. No body to stand on my wedding day and tell my new family a funny anicdote. I love my patents but they have always been distant with me as they didn't want children and raised me very isolated and neglected. I was emotionally abused.

But people always say how strong and happy I am for overcoming so many many many hurdles. Miscarry, divorce, homelessness, my sons cancer... And ive done all of this without support.

No body knows my fiance is an alcoholic.

This is my first post.

I'm feeling drained.

I am always the person people talk to when they are sad. But no one will let me talk to them. When I tried to talk to my mother she said not to message again her again when I'm sad as its too upsetting for her.

I just want to make real friends.

I wanted someone to think to throw me a hens party. or send a video I could play at the wedding. Or just one person to speak from my side.

My best friend said if I wrote it she'd read it out but she couldn't think of anything to say. My best friend of 10 years. Who wouldn't let me sleep on her couch when my husband was seeing other people.

I truly must be shit.

I just didn't know it.

I always help the elderly. I give to poor people my lunch. Be kind is my ethos. And be understanding.

I'm lost.

6 Replies 6

SquashedFairies
Community Member
Please forgive all the typos. I'm on a new phone that has auto correct and I wasn't checking it as I wrote it.

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello SquashedFairies

Welcome and thankyou for having the strength to post too

I see a very pro-active and super caring person that seems to be caring about everyone except herself.

You are not shit, your have a good heart that needs some serious TLC.

Please feel free to correct me Fairies......you have been through a very difficult time especially with no one caring for the chronic dark periods in your life....this is very sad to read.

If I may ask you, is you fiance an alcoholic? Can I also ask if he is getting any help at all? Please forgive me for the questions. I'm just trying to understand if you have any doubts about getting married.

You have an innate gift for being a kind soul and always being there for everyone which is noble but wont make you a happy person in the long run.

The forums are rock solid secure to ensure your privacy Fairies. I hope you can post back when its convenient for you of course.

Please dont pay the high price of being a people pleaser when your own heart needs the care it deserves

you are not alone here Fairies....we are here for you 🙂

my kindest thoughts for you

Paulx

Thank you Paul

My fiance is an alcoholic. But when he doesn't drink he's wonderful. When he does he's a different person. He just is. Someone else. And that someone scares me and is awful.

He says he will go to aa.

I am not having cold feet. I do love him and his family. I told him never to drink around me again. He says he won't. He hates himself in the morning and rarely remembers what he did. Sometimes it's very bad. I know it's not him and he will be back in the morning. I just protect him from himself as best I can.

Thank you for your kind words.

I've always had a low self esteem.

I try to love myself but then I fall.

I am early 30s city girl in country life. I want to live in a tree house and never see people again.

Hey Fairies

No problem and thankyou for the post back too. You are definitely a part of the family with having low self esteem.

Please dont take that the wrong way. I have had a great career at a senior level in corporate but I have been working on my low self esteem for years...it takes time unfortunately. I know you dont have cold feet but getting married to a guy or a girl that cant remember what they have done or said the night before is a huge gamble.

I was born in Cooma NSW and now in Vic and have anxiety/depression etc for a long time. A heavy drinker usually is self medicating for a reason. Can I ask if your fiance is under any huge stress that makes him want to 'escape' by drinking to such a level? I drink twice a week which I shouldnt but I always remember what I did when I wake up the next day.

You are strong to be here....I hope you can hold your head up high knowing that 🙂

I joined Beyond Blue in January this year after being alone and depressed etc. The support I have received from the bulk of the posters has been huge. One of the smartest moves I have ever made.

Apologies again for another question Fairies, does your fiance have a drink every other night or every night?

The forums are a judgemental free zone, we are just here to help and ensure your privacy which is paramount

I do feel your pain and isolation that you are going through Fairies. I am all ears and understand the love you have for your fiance and his family and my congratulations.

If I had a girlfriend (and was about to get married) and if she 'told' me to get myself sorted prior to any discussion about marriage I would be booked into AA as well as counselling/therapy prior to have the privilege of being married to anyone as kind and as pro-active as you.

I cant love myself either as its such a tall order. So I have learned to be 'gentle' or 'kind' to myself instead as I dont like my thoughts that occur from low self esteem.....I hear you Fairies...

my kindest

Paulx

My apologies for the double post Fairies

I am sorry that your parents are unwell and unable to make it to your wedding, are they interstate or local?

Please excuse the question, just trying to be of some help. Paul

pipsy
Community Member

Hi SquashedFairies. May I ask how long you have been with your fiancé? I understand where you are coming from with getting married with no family of your own to support you on your big day. I went through a similar wedding over 20 years ago. My in-laws ( I must admit) did their best to insure our day went off relatively pain-free. Are you having a civil service or a church service? You say your future FIL, BIL and best man are there for speeches etc. Do you relate well to FIL, perhaps try to explain to future hubby and his father and BIL that you feel sad as your parents can't be there. Could you possibly skype/phone your parents on the day to speak to them either prior to the wedding or just after. As far as your fiancé's drink problem, I too have a similar problem. With the help of a close friend I was able to recognize and accept my problem, I have been 'dry' for several months. When someone has a problem with drink, it's not always that cut and dried admitting to the problem. I was embarrassed to admit to it for years. Since admitting it I have felt better and now freely admit it. AA can help, but it doesn't work for everyone. Your fiancé says he will attend AA, hopefully he will. He may need your support at first, he may also try to find reasons not to go. With alcoholism, the only one who can stop drinking is the alcoholic. Have you told him how much you love him when he is not drinking?

I wish you every success in your endeavours and hope your wedding day is as beautiful as you are.

Lynda.