No affection in my relationship anymore

[Jessie111]

Hi all, my partner doesn’t show any affection to me while I am a very affectionate person. She knows how I feel here and claims to be and unaffectionate person due to her past and having some ptsd from a previous partner. I’m trying really hard to accept this because I love her and want to understand her struggles, but I am really not coping with it and I just need some advice on how to go about fixing this. Leaving her is not an option, I want to fix this. She used to be affectionate but it was when we were younger and partying a fair bit, she also claims now we have stopped that there is no distraction to how she’s feeling and her real self has come out. We’re also having some struggles with a very close friend of hers, she’s having some very serious mental health struggles and has been in the mental health ward for a month and is back there now after attempting a week at home, but only lasted 3 days before the paramedics picked her up. Now I understand all the focus is on her right now, outside of our affection problems I’m feeling very forgotten in general through all of this. She seems very disconnected from me and all I want to do is help in anyway I can, be there for her and take care of her through this difficult time helping her best friend of 15 years out of the hell shes stuck in is taking a massive toll on her and I can’t help but feel completely pushed aside as if my help isn’t an option. Our affection issues have been existent for a lot longer prior to her friends struggles also. Please help me move forward here... I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve had my own mental health struggles but I managed to get past that with the help of others and her, I just want to same for the people I care about so much and I just want our relationship to feel nice and warm again. 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hey Jessie111,

Wecome to the forums, we're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, to share what you've been going through. We're really sorry to hear that you've been finding it hard to cope with the lack of affection in your relationship at the moment, and that you've been feeling forgotten. But please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.


If you feel up to it, we would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

We'd also welcome you to get in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able ot talk through these feelings with you and offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this.

You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.
 

[Betternow]

Hi Jessie

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling unloved in your relationship. They say that being lonely and being starved of affection in a relationship is worse than being lonely outside of a relationship.

How long have you been with your girlfriend?

There's a saying in the relationship advice industry - you can’t control the behaviour of your partner, you can only control yourself.

There are no magic words or actions that you can use to turn her around. Having said that, it’s important that you clearly tell her of your feelings. Don’t blame her, just explain that when you don’t receive affection, well this is how I feel.

Whats her reaction? If she dismisses your feelings offhandedly, you may have to accept that her feelings are cooling towards you or you have reached a point of incompatibility.

I know you want to fix it, but it takes two people working together Jessie towards the same goal. At the moment, it seems you’re working alone.