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[Lost1234]

I'm new here but not new to feeling helpless.

Where do I start??

I have 2 gorgeous children and a husband that I adore. Sounds perfect right. We are financially stable and both work hard but my husband is mentally abusive and an alcoholic. We met 14 years ago and gradually things have progressed to the point where I feel I so helpless. Some days are better than other's but he doesn't go a day without drinking amounts of alcohol that would put most ppl in hospital. As my kids get older I am seriously concerned about the impact it is having on them. Just need to talk I suppose.

[Lost1234]

Thanks Nick.

I wish he would make the commitment himself. I agree with you that I think at this stage the only option is hospital stay. If he has one day off it the whole bed is covered in sweat and he can't sleep at all. The doctor said with the amount he drinks he shouldn't just stop without doctor's monitoring him. He just keeps saying that he can't just stop work and stay in hospital. I know what more important to us.

Thanks for your suggestion. I think I needed to hear that.

[baet123]

Hey Lost,

Of course, it would absolutely be better if he could make the commitment himself, however, sometimes we aren't able to do that voluntarily and this is when we need external intervention (involuntary) care and treatment. If you believe that a hospital stay is necessary which it looks like it is, it is certainly past the point where he must understand that his actions are extremely detrimental to his and your relationship, his relationship with his children and I am sure that he doesn't want to damage, scar, introduce or making excessive drinking and his behaviour a "norm" of your household and a staple of your children's lives growing up.

Many individual problems are a product of their environment and unfortunately most problems that are extremely hard to overcome and reverse are intergenerational. It may be a good idea to explain this to your husband and explain to him the real possibility of your children experiencing or suffering from complex PTSD due to his actions.

I am sorry if I am sounding a bit too clinical and a bit heavy and not what you want to hear but I am just trying to help you understand the seriousness of intergenerational problems and the detrimental mental health conditions it brings on to family members in particular.

As you mentioned above, you know whats most important to you. Your husband should understand that its worth sacrificing work or his career for a brief moment so that you and your family can enjoy him in decent health for years to come and to minimise any possible detrimental impacts his actions will have on your children moving forward.

If you require any more information, please let me know. If you also would like to tell me which state or city you live in, I will be able to provide you with some services and information beneficial to you and your family, if at all interested.

Hope this helps and have a good week.

Nick.

[Lost1234]

Thanks Nick. I totally agree with everything your saying. Do I visit my GP to talk about this or will he have to? We live in rural Victoria if this helps. I would certainly like some help with places I could go for help please. I appreciate everything you have done to try and help. I think I need every suggestion I can at this stage to try and salvage what's left.

[Lost1234]

Hello again,

You have hit the nail on the head by saying that it's a tug of war. Everyday is like a rollercoaster. It's hard to know what to expect.

You sound as if your children have similar personalities to mine. I wonder everyday that I stay around how it must affect them. Am I a bad mother for letting this happen?

In response to your question, no I have not seen anyone or had any self care as such. I do however have a great supportive family and friends who I can talk to.

Hope all is ok on your end and thanks for chatting to me.

[baet123]

Hey Lost,

Please visit your GP with him and explain to him what we have discussed above and possible treatment options/outcomes.

Here are some services that will be of use to your husband:

- DirectLine – Victoria's 24-hour alcohol and drug counselling service – on 1800 888 236. DirectLine's trained drug and alcohol counselling service will be able to give you advice and suggest the best next steps that suit your situation. This would be extremely beneficial for your husband.

- The Drug and alcohol clinical advisory service (DACAS), is a free specialist telephone consultancy service for health and welfare professionals in Victoria. It operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
DACAS offers clinical advice to health and welfare professionals who have concerns about the clinical management of patients and clients with alcohol and other drug use issues. Assistance can be provided about a wide range of medical and psychiatric issues related to alcohol and other drug use (1800 812 804).

- Family drug help provides services that aim to strengthen the physical and mental health of families dealing with a loved one's alcohol and other drug use, and support the family's ability to cope with their individual situations. It operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, providing access to information and referral to support groups and family counselling - 1300 660 068.

I would also ring your local hospital and ask to speak to a social worker there. They will be able to provide you with support, assistance and more information regarding your situation as there approach to your husband's situation will be holistic.

Hope this helps and ensuring your husband receives help sooner rather than later will have tremendous benefits on his fatty liver, quality of life, your family as an entity and minimise your children's exposure to alcohol and possible complex PTSD which can manifest as a result.

Nick.

[Lost1234]

Thanks so so much for all your information. I will definitely be looking into these. Appreciate your time and help.