Struggling

[Billie123]

Nearly 2 years ago my husband & I separated. Initiated by me due to ongoing emotional abuse - I felt I had given my all & it was never enough, I was exhausted. As a result my ex de ids to punish me & take our children to another state so I would know what I was “giving up”. The past 2 years have been a roller coaster. I have also spent the last 2 years working on myself with counselling etc. 4 months ago I moved to be closer to my children & I started legal action to try & gain custody - I still live 3 hours from my kids. My ex & I stopped speaking at this point. He also has a new partner - approx 6 month relationship. Recently my ex approached me & asked if we could sort out the custody stuff between us. Lately I’ve been feeling more & more that I hate this situation. I don’t feel like I miss my ex. But I miss my children terribly. I miss being part of a family. I never wanted this life for my kids. I wanted them to grow up with mum & Dad together - not have 2 homes with parents fighting over them. I don’t know what I should do going forward. I don’t want to go back to an emotionally abusive relationship but I’m struggling with the separated life. I thought it was suppose to get easier not harder. I don’t want my kids to have step family - I know I can’t control this if I don’t want to be married to my ex. I want to do what is best for my kids. I have arranged to meet my ex in person to talk over everything including kid stuff. I don’t even know if this can be fixed or do I want it fixed? I’m so confused at this point. I don’t even know if this post makes sense.

[jess334]

Hi billie,

Well done on leaving an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse is horrible and cam be just as damaging as physical.

I think its great that you are trying to get more custody of your kids. If your ex wants to resolve things between you instead of the courts then that would be best, but make sure you record every conversation in writing so he can't back out of it later. Or if he does you will have evidence for the court.

Raising your children while living apart from their father isn't going to be easy, but it can be done. It might not be the way that you saw yourself having a family, but that doesn't mean it won't be meaningful and enjoyable.

As for step families, I personally have four now (both my parents remarried twice) and it isn't too bad. I love having a lot of family around and my half sister and I are really close despite having a 12 year age difference. The step family that I never got on well with as a child I just don't see anymore now that I am an adult. It never affected my relationship with my mum or dad.

I hope that your meeting goes well. Don't give up - it can be confusing but it sounds like you really miss your kids and you deserve to be part of their life.

Kind thoughts, Jess