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New mum with no one

HT2323
Community Member

I don't have anywhere to turn so I'm giving this a try...

I'm a new mum, my son is no longer a newborn but I'm still very new to all this. I thought that when I would finally start a family and have a baby that I would have some sort or support network. As I left school and got a little older I realised that I wouldn't have much support at all, if you could call what I had left support. Mid twenties and alone. If you could tell me younger self I would have no friends and most of my family wouldve either passed away or just disliked me by now... I probably wouldve been shocked, but also believed it too...

I've always had rocky relationships with my immediate family which have normally worked themselves out by someone giving in. But as I've had 6+ months off work, home alone I've realised that actually the things I deal with are toxic, and part of a repeating cycle that's pushed me further and further down my lonely rabbit hole of a life.

I am thankful everyday for my fiance and my son. My fiance helps me as best he can with everything, although he has his own stresses and life burdens. And my son is the light of my life, and if not for him, maybe I would leave this place and not have to deal with anything else.

I am happy, I have happy moments and make memories, but I also have blocked out a lot of my childhood and have panic attacks thinking about most pf the various times in my life.

I've been bullied my whole life, primary school, highschool and work even up until now. I have so many memories than cause me to not be able to breathe that if I dont keep myself 100% busy with physically doing something or planning/organising things present or future, that I will spiral out of control. All of my friends have drifted or left me for one reason or another. I'm not very interesting, a 4/10 at best, so not very good looking as a nice way of putting it, and I am just plain weird. I have no friends now, and I don't think I will ever have any. I lost my last few friends in 2020 and even before that I didn't have them for about 2 years, fault of my own, so I didn't really think it would last anyway. I feel socially enept and at this point I just think that I'm better off accepting lonliness and not bothering my fiance with all my stress...

Cont. In comments

4 Replies 4

Kim1988
Community Member

I am so sorry to hear this lovely. From one new mum to another I totally understand your feelings. I just gave birth to a little boy a month ago, so he’s still very much in the newborn phase. I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. You can have a look at my thread newborn baby struggles. Things are getting easier day by day. I didn’t even know how to hold him properly at first.

I have my husband and he helped me a lot in the hospital as I had a C-section, but at night time his help is minimal now that we’re home. My parents were helping me but they went back to Sydney 2 days ago. My in-laws are here as well. I like them, but they are very stubborn. They think their way is the best way. They are from France and I think they don’t realise things are a bit different in Australia.

All my family and friends are in Sydney and I’m in Melbourne, so sometimes I feel very alone. In terms of making friends. I’m a pretty introverted person as well. I also didn’t have a whole lot of friends in high school. It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I started to have a solid group of friends. I joined some groups of people who had similar interests to me. It might help for you to? Have you joined any Mums & Bubs groups in your area? Could be a good way to meet other new Mums. I just joined 2 of them. Looking forward to going after my little boy has had his first vaccinations.

Chocolate_brownies89
Community Member

Ive found parenthood very lonely as well

By this age everyone is busy with their lives and don't have time to socialise as much

The only suggestions I have is find local hobby groups that interest you, volunteer at places then you will find people with similar interests to you 😃

Making friends can be hard but just think there are other people out there struggling just as much as you 😃

Good luck 😃

HT2323
Community Member

Cont.

But being lonely leads me to overthink so often I'm at home with my gorgeous son, crying on the couch just barely able to look after him. With no one to call or text, no social media because no one is interested in what I post or wants to connect with me, and not even family to come sit with me, I am just consumed by black, hollow lonlieness. I cry and have to take my makeup off so he doesn't come home from work and see that I've been sad again. And I try put on a brave face and pretend the day was normal and try to casually bring up that maybe I'm alone because this reason or that reason... but I think its starting to weigh on him. I think that I am becoming a burden, where I can't eat, can't be the best mother for my son and can't even function as a normal human being. So now I'm becoming a problem to the only person I have left and I don't know what to do.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to say, I feel like I have no one and I can't do anything about it, I have called hotlines and tried to be strong and make my life better from the inside out, but the days are beating me into the ground.

Thank you for the comments, I have been trying to go too reading group and other baby activities but at this point I have yet to talk to anyone in those groups. I will keep trying 💙

Romes88
Community Member

I 110% hear you. I was an outgoing social girl with no cares in the world and alot of friends. As I got older the friends started dropping off one by one. This in itself made me so so sad, but then add on when you have a baby and get isolated even more by the stress and exhaustion.

Have you tried joining a mothers group to find some like minded women in the same space as you?

As for starting a conversation... its always daunting, but just jump in "your baby is adorable, aw what's his name?" "Do you know other things in the area to do with the kids?"

You can do this