New member at wits end from kids step kid and partner, help!!

[Justkeepswimming77]

Hi, new member here, thought it's worth a shot. I've been to a councilor and she turned me away! (Yes she did) and no one wants to try family councelling but me!

my family consists of my 3 kids and my partners son. My boys 16 & 11 live with their dad having moved my youngest son out last year as I didint want him growing up with my step son as they continuously fought physically with each other which also involved weapons like threatening with knives and throwing things. My daughter 15 and my partners son 12 live with us. Here is my predicament, I am all about tough love and children having discipline and rules plus consequences and also being responsible for their chores in the house. My partner is not. He gives these 2 everything. He tells my daughter she doesn't have to clean (they clean their rooms when told to by my partner which is usually after it becomes unbearable) as she's not a slave but a princess. So they have no chores, no discipline no structure and can basically do what they want. My partner has turned around and said I don't want to be a parent I want to be their friend and spoil them. both these 2 kids don't attend school as the local high school won't take my partners boy and my daughter refuses to go which last time I made her go she got drunk which resulted in a very messy 14 year old vomiting all over the staff room floor. My partners boy is always in trouble with the law but as he has no discipline or structure he is allowed to do what he likes. My partner has not yet had custody of his boy 2 years full time as he was living with his mum and stepdad by which the stepdad physically hit this kid and as he told DCP he was being bashed by his stepdad. The psych who had to asses my partners boy for court has listed a whole range of disorders including PTSD and ADHD. My daughter has also become fixated on my partner as he gives her everything she wants and he puts her before me. He buys expensive gifts for her but not for me. We currently live in my house which I watch get destroyed by these 2 kids and the lack of respect for my things and household. My partner and I are continuously fighting due to the differences between my parenting style and his (lack of) parenting. I'm always made out to be the grinch and am having to cover for him and Iam forever picking up everyone's crap and it gets so bad that I loose my cool and tell them to leave. my partner refuses to clean as that's the woman's job. I also miss my boys terribly.

Help!!!!

[Starwolf]

Hi JKS and welcome to the forums.

The family situation you describe sounds very messy. I can't understand why a counselor has turned you away. I would ask for a second opinion.

The only way your circumstances will improve is if your partner is willing to cooperate. It seems this is not an option.

The question is...what is keeping you anchored to this situation ? Your partner seems to have little regard for your well-being and expects you to pick up the pieces and face consequences of his parenting style on your own. If a household is to function well, all members should cooperate and contribute. Your partner's attitude makes this impossible. Neither him nor the children show you respect or consideration.

Have you thought of taking steps to opt out of this domestic hell ? I know this is easier said than done but the alternative is more of the same to come...possibly worse. You deserve way better than that.

Your well-being is at stake and must be your priority. I would make an appointment with a different counselor/social worker ASAP. S/he could help explore your options and make necessary decisions.

I hope a solution can soon be found.