Never felt so lonely…

[lost12345]

I don’t know if this is the right avenue, but I have never felt so alone in my life. I am in a 20+ year relationship but the last 15 years have been completely non affectionate. I can’t even get a good night kiss. Outside of work colleagues, I have absolutely no friends at all. My partner and I were supposed to go out for my birthday dinner but decided to take an extra shift at work. I have now deliberately missed 6 calls from her. I’m completely lost and think I have wasted the last 20 years of my life. 
I can’t sleep, lost appetite, I don’t see the point in continuing with anything anymore. Don’t know where to turn…

[Johnny_]

Hi lost! 

I thank you for reaching out to beyond blue for some support. Your totally awesome to sum up the courage and express how you feel when things aren’t going your way. That takes guts!

It’s important to talk about how you feel with your partner. If you don’t feel you can atm, which is ok and if you don’t have a close friend to chat too, you can write them down (silly I know but it actually works) or chat to a counselor/ psychologist, they work wonders. 

like you, I don’t have many friends at all. It happens when we age lol. For me it was about working out what I enjoy first, do those activities and I’ll meet like minded people. It took time but it worked. I gained a couple of friends out of it. I keep a diary too to help get my feelings / emotions out and I felt better.

I was a mess in the beginning but after a bit of effort, it started to flow. The first steps were the hardest. Once your comfortable, chat with her and go from their…she might be feeling the same way and you can work on it together. 

start small, pick one thing you like and build on it.. take care 🙂 

[Juliet_84]

Hi lost12345,

I’m in a similar situation to you at the moment, having moved away from my family and betting on a relationship that is not working and feels destined for imminent separation. The way I see it is though, you are always one decision away from changing your life. Sometimes I think we need to be in something that’s not working to push us to change and either get out of that situation or have a discussion and improve things. I moved to a new city a few years ago so had to start again with friends. It’s been slow going, but like Johnny suggested, I got back into a sport I used to love and have met some great friends out of that. But you need to get out of your comfort zone and do things that are uncomfortable for awhile, and be prepared that it takes a bit longer than you think it will. It took me about 3 solid years of trying things before I found a group of people I connect with.