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Narc mum

Samvv
Community Member

I think my mother is really selfish and jealous of me.

Im pregnant with my first child, left the father due to ongoing abuse and just got through a heavy month waiting for a restraining order, as he had become really troublesome.

I have had to move 6 times in the first trimester, was in a refuge and was having constant severe migraines, the stress was exhausting and put me in hospital twice. I'm just in my third tri now and my mother said I could move back home.

Shortly after she started to nag at me about little things like my washing on the line or how I'm going to burn my toast which I never have.

Then she started bossing me to cook for my dad every night, doesn't ask even thank me now it's just expected. She buys the food and tells me off if I don't eat it, even if I don't like it.

She tries to compete with me if dad compliments my food. She puts me down and starts telling me off all the time. I try to do nice things to help her out lie walking the dog so it doesn't poop inside, and she's completely dismissive and ungreatful. She argues with me about anything and everything, then blames me.

She makes underhanded comments about my weight, what I eat, my money and constantly compares me to others and ridicules my hobbies.

She backstab my father as soon as he leaves the room.

I don't want her in my life and am on my last nerve. I've already tried to talk to her in the past nicely, she plays the victim tells me she wishes she had aborted me and tells my dad I'm trouble causing rifts between us.

She tries to dress me like her, and makes constant jealous comments about my weight and size of my baby. if I say no and tell her to stop spending money, she guilt trips me and back stabs me but also tells people im too dependant on her, I'm not at all and feel she tries to make me so she can put me down.

Im beginning to hate her.

She made a comment about family's who take custody of daughters kids the other day and demanded that it does happen as if a threat. She told me my ex contacted her online and wouldn't confirm if she's blocked him which were police orders as he's under AVO.

She got upset and vindictive when I wouldn't let HER name my only son!

i don't want her in my life at all but if I try to speak up I will be homeless again. I'm 35 have had a really hard time lately and really need her to back off before I end up sick again.

There is 3.5 months to go before I can afford to move out. She gets worse by the day

I can't take it anymore 😢

15 Replies 15

A good description of s narcissistic parent

https://lonerwolf.com/narcissistic-mother-father/

TonyWK

Hi Tony

I would have to agree with you.

My wife severed all links with her mother back in the mid 90s. She had no other option; you can't reason with a narc.

Unfortunately, twenty-five year of parental abuse had taken its toll on my wife's mental health. When my wife severed ties with her mother, I thought she was on the long road to recovery; I was wrong. Her childhood issues were simply suppressed and out of sight.

Survivors of an abusive childhood seem to have problems maintaining a healthy relationship so necessary for a successful marriage - just my untrained opinion.

I hope things turned out for the best between you and your father.

Cheers

Samvv
Community Member

I suppose there are things I have not said.

I love my dad and he has said she's difficult, but he sides with her, he lets her win and she knows it.

He is also abusive and being around him is like walking on thin ice. I struggle to be able to talk to him. He's angry all the time.

He beat me badly when I was little. I had a horrible scapegoat childhood.

I can't tell my councillor how stressful it is to be here because I feel like my parents are always listening.

When she's unhappy with me, she suck's up to him and plays victim and becomes this child like personality I don't even know her.

Im trying to ignore her but she's getting worse.

Im 27 weeks pregnant, have no friends here and no furniture. I feel like a loser. I feel like I should just give the child to his father because I can't handle it.

I'm starting to save after paying off SML debts I used to get away from my baby's father who threatened me with a weapon 2 months ago, he also raped me twice. I've moved from shelter to shelter 5 times, even sleeping on someone's mouse infested couch avoiding coming here.

Still every day she will nag at me about something.

Im thinking maybe I should just get a place and not worry about no furniture, as long as it's warm, right? I have a mattress and some baby stuff and a few months to work this out.

in reality how Hard can it be to support your daughter for 3 months through the worst time of her life so she can save for her baby? How hard?

Hi Samvv,
 
We are sorry to hear about what you have been through, it sounds like things have been really difficult for you for so long. It sounds like things are especially difficult right now while being 27 weeks into your pregnancy. But we want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
Please also know that there is always help available to you. There are support services available to you 24/7, and we would strongly recommend that you reach out to 1800RESPECT for support. You can contact them, anytime, on 1800 737 732 or visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/ for online chat.
 
We are also currently checking in with you by email for offer some extra support tonight.
Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.

Guest909
Community Member

My apologies, I thought you and your dad had a good relationship.

Have you had a talk with someone from "Relationships Australia" (RA)? If not, they might be able to help with some of the practical problems you are having; accommodation, living expenses etc...

If you have not already done so, have a talk to RA about getting financial support from the father of you child. In some cases, the courts will priorities a hearing for interim "spousal support" orders. A spousal support order may be enough to get you into temporary accommodation while other property maters are being sorted out. It would be a good first step.

Let us know how things are progressing; others on this forum may have some practical advice that might be of some assistance.

Stay in touch!

Hi Samvv

We now get a more in depth view of your circumstances.

We all pay our taxes and donate items to charity so the needy can fall on the services when required. This is such a situation and all you need is hope. Hope and being positive will get you through this.

So I would pursue avenues towards accommodation. There is often furnished bungalows in peoples back yards that are warm and comfortable.

It will take some work to seek out such help. The organisations like st.vincent de Paul and rotary, lions clubs can help you. Explain the situation fully.

In s few short years you’ll look back and realise you were s fighter, and you did it tough, but you found stability through determination.

TonyWK