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My 'sister-in-law' is causing me so much anxiety! Help!

Caity_P
Community Member

Hi everyone, really hope someone can offer me advice on this subject. I have been dating my boyfriend for one and a half years and I have always been super close with his younger brother, who is seventeen. Six months ago, his brother entered into a relationship with a girl from his school. At first we thought she was sweet, but I realised more and more that she was actually a very manipulative and jealous person due to her own insecurities.

My boyfriend and I were very worried about his brother's wellbeing because of the things she was saying/doing to him, so we approached his mum to talk about it. Unfortunately, his mum only defended the girl and did not seem too worried at all. Over time, it seems like this girl has turned her jealousy issues towards me. Whenever we are together, she is 'offended' by something I say. Except, nothing I say is ever offensive, she actually twists my words and sometimes makes things up. For example, I was discussing with my boyfriend's mum how my own brother will probably not go to uni after high-school. This was ALL that was said. Next thing I know, I hear I have 'offended' her (even though she was eavesdropping and not actually in the room) because she is not going to uni and I obviously think she is very dumb and hate her...

My boyfriend's brother has expressed to me that his girlfriend is jealous of my friendship with him and would prefer it if he did not message me on social media at all, and did not talk to me as much in person. However, they then turn around and tell my boyfriend and I that we do not 'include them' enough and don't give them enough attention.

For some reason, when they gossip about me, my boyfriend's younger brother always tells my boyfriend. For example, he told my boyfriend that his girlfriend thinks it is very wrong that I am friends with my ex-boyfriend and I am disrespecting my current one.

She has now messaged me to ask whether I have a problem with her?! I am gobsmacked. My boyfriend and I have done nothing but be nice to her. I feel like she is manipulating the situation to gain more attention and play the victim.

This is causing me so much anxiety I don't want to go to my boyfriend's house. Please help!

11 Replies 11

Caity_P
Community Member
Thanks so much for your response Pamela. Yes, that sounds like my family! However, my boyfriend's family is one of those rare ones where problems get swept under the rug and 20+ people get together every few weekends. I think it is great that they can do this, but I feel pressured by an expectation that I cannot personally live up to. What makes it worse as well is this girlfriend tells my boyfriend's mum that she just wants to be friends with me and just thinks I don't like her... this is rubbish. Yet the family buy the act! It is infuriating.

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Oh Caity P,

I really feel for you, I had a similar thing when I first met my ex’s friends! The girls in the group decided they didn’t like me virtually on the spot and that was it, I tried to make an effort because of my partner and I constantly felt like I was thrust into situations where they would have more opportunity to be rude jerks. The only solution I had was to never see them again and make him catch up with them solo. But unfortunately you can’t really do that here. Your boyfriend’s mum does really seem to be key here and I’m not sure how to get through to her (and I’m sure you’ve tried too!!). Could you perhaps take her out for the day. You don’t even necessarily need to mention the issues again, but perhaps you can start to get her on side that way? Or have a baby, that always wields a bit of power with the grandparents lol