Yes, I see how sad this is for you.
Never knowing your father only leaves imagination and fantasies of what may or may not have been for you growing up.
If so, you are only punishing yourself which is not allowing you to move on.
I think we all are faced with loss throughout our lives.
Pets pass on, friends come and go, even who we are undergoes transformations to leave the past behind in our quest for renewal. Such is the cycle of life.
Your father has found such a path for himself.
It's not fair for you or the whole family, but it is where things have headed; and, as with any loss, we can only accept that not everything turns out the way we want.
Have you sought permission to communicate with your father?
There could be other factors that prevent him from responding.
Is your mum okay with you doing this?
For her, this might feel distressing.
You see, there is more to consider than just how you are affected, but I understand how lost you are feeling and your hopes for normality are perfectly natural.
But light a candle for your father to express your pain and sorrow while wishing him happiness wherever he is in life.
Things change, as I said.
Look forward to that eventuality when you are reunited, but live your life to the full in the meantime.
Perhaps you know of others who are without a parent.
You could be a comfort for each other during moments of difficulty.
