My relationship is over and I am struggling to deal with it

[running_girl]

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me, that I was ‘the one’, that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together, that we would get married someday…), he would simultaneously act in ways that kept me at a distance and would occasionally let slip that he didn’t really know if he wanted to be with me in the long-term.

Because of this incongruence, I finally faced up to reality and told him that the timing was clearly not right for us to be together as a couple and we agreed to keep our friendship intact. We then spent the next couple of days together in a kind of in-between state – not exactly a couple but certainly not platonic.

It’s now been a week since he flew back home (he lives interstate) and I’ve left two messages for him, neither of which he has returned. I am heartbroken, depressed (at times severely) and at a loss at what to do. I guess I don’t really have to do anything but keep reminding myself that it’s not my fault that things didn’t work out. And because he’s so clearly unwell, I know it’s not his fault either.

My psych warned me against getting involved with him in the first place but I put her good logic aside and let myself fall completely in love. I am so sad. I know there is nothing to do but ride it out and I don’t expect anyone in the BB community to know of a miracle cure that will make things better. I guess I just wanted to say out loud (or in type on this message board) how I felt. A form of cartharsis maybe…?

[Guest_128]

Hi,

Sorry everything went down hill for you yday. I am glad your friend was understanding for you.

I don't think any contact with an ex would be healthy or even helpful.

Yeah that suxs but all it will do is fry with your head,stop YOU from moving forward and growing strong.

Hope you had a good talk with your psych today.

The weekend thing,why don't you go with a friend????

Dory

[running_girl]

Thanks Dory, I was having a bad night when I posted my last message, though it felt good to cry and let it all out.

Since then I've seen my psych and feel much more sure of myself. And you're right - being in touch with the ex again will only fry my brain. My psych really pressed this point on me and it is a relief to finally realise that nothing good can ever come from being in contact with him again - for either of us. In my heart I wish him well but we have nothing more to offer each other, except pain and confusion.

On a lighter note, my friend had an impromptu gig last night at the pub down the road from where I live, so I ended going to see her play after all. I walked in by myself. I met new people and I was fine.

Thank you again for being there to listen. It helps me more than I could ever express.

I hope you are doing well today.

rg x

[White_Rose]

Congratulations RG on getting to a pub on your own and having a good time. How good is that?

I have found being near an ex or talking to one can be disastrous. Unfortunately for me I have no choice. When any of my grandchildren have a birthday we usually have a family gathering and he is there as grandad. I try not to speak to him but if it looks obvious I will talk because it upsets my family. And yes it does fry my brain at times.

A good cry is great. All the anger and hurt get washed out leaving you drained but knowing it's all gone. It will come back because that's the nature of things, but each time will be shorter and less hurtful.

It is amazing to talk to someone like your psych and realise how much better you feel. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and I'm a bit worried as she is having school holidays off. So three weeks before I see her again and already it seems like eternity. I imagine I will get through it.

Mary

[Guest_128]

Holly crap batman

That is totally awesome dude.

you are the champion

we are the champion

work it baby,work it