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My partner is mentally abusing and sofocating me

L1onsD3
Community Member

My girlfriend of almost two years is running me into the ground. I’m 21 years old and I am extremely fearful of not being able to live my life.

Everytime I want to go somewhere with a guy mate (I can’t even have girl mates) she always has to make me feel bad about it. I always ask her to come but she never feels up for it, but in the mean time forces me to stay home. When I am with a friend and she happens to be there, she always seems to get angry at me and says I don’t give her enough attention as what I do to the other person.

Every time I have a good mood it always seems to be brought down by her. Every time I try to explain to her how I feel I always get it turned around back to me. It’s like nothing mattered on what I just said.

She gets angry when I tell her what’s she’s doing is no good for my mental health, but it just doesn’t seem to get through to her.

I’ve really been feeling down the past 3 months, Ive been thinking of ways to get out of this relationship without talking to her, as I really do fear for my life.

We always have to she each other everyday in her eyes, then she complains when the conversations run dry. I can’t see my friends, I can’t go to the gym alone because of other girls there, I can’t go to other events by my self or with a friend such as soccer and footy. I want to tell her that I need space but I’m scared to do that

it’s come to a point where I don’t want to see her, ive really lost interest in our relationship.

two weeks ago she was just abusing me verbelly and a little psyical , I thought in my head to go punching her or push or something like that. I didn’t hit her but afterwards I broke down because I knew that wasn’t me, I knew I was stronger then that. I fell asleep after 12 hours of work and I needed to wake up early the next day, I fell asleep then I got this slap across the face and her telling me that I didn’t care about her because I was sleeping

im scared to just brake up with her because of she might do

3 Replies 3

Quercus
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello L1onsD3 and welcome to the forums.

I'm really glad you're talking to someone about this. It is a very difficult first step to make but these forums are a safe place.

This relationship is toxic and you need to put yourself and your safety first.

Have you ever heard of 1800respect? They offer confidential phone support and advice specifically for people experiencing domestic abuse and violence. This page here is worth a read because it lists a lot of your partner's actions as what they are... Abuse.

www.1800respect.org.au/violence-and-abuse/domestic-and-family-violence/

When you mention you are scared to leave what do you think she will do?

I had an ex who threatened to take his life if I left. Eventually I chose to protect me and leave. I knew if I stayed I would end up taking my own life out of desperation. So your story hits home to me hard.

You don't need to justify choosing yourself and your life over her. You don't deserve to be treated like this. If she does harm herself it is in no way shape or form your fault.

Do you have anyone around you who will support you? Any family or close friends you can stay with?

I do think after being in this abusive relationship for years seeking out the guidance of a psychologist is vital. I left and started again but the trauma stayed with me. By speaking openly about my experience I've learned to challenge my memories and accept I wasn't at fault.

If you feel able I would really like to know more about what your options are and what supports are around you. We are here for you.

Nat

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello L1onsD3, thanks for coming to this site and posting your comment, which I must say isn't what you are after, this is not a pleasant relationship at all, she has too much power over you and controls everything you are allowed to do.

I would strongly suggest that you end it, it's certainly upsetting your self-esteem, confidence and freedom and it may probably get worse.

Is it your place, her place or a rented place you are living in?

Please be careful because she may take further action, and you may become worse off, but I'll wait until I hear back from you, but yes, it's poisonous and a dangerous situation.

Whenever you're able to get back to us.

Geoff.

GemAndLogan
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi L1onsD3,

Welcome here, as others have said- this is a safe place and well done for taking that first step in getting yourself safe and happy again.

Telling people is always so hard, you have done the right thing in sharing what you're going through.

You've had great advice so far, I just wanted to add my own words of encouragement.

As others have said, it would be best for you to end this relationship. It is not selfish or wrong to put yourself first and your girlfriend is an adult and responsible for her own behaviour. Any action she takes as a result of your relationship ending is on her and her alone.

You have done your best by her and the relationship- she is aware of how you're feeling, you have spoken to her about it but it seems she wont even take you seriously. You gave her the opportunity to work on the issue but she has chosen not to.

I was once in a very violent, abusive and controlling relationship and trust me, things can be so much better.

I wish you all the best, post here any time and take care of yourself

GL