Hi youcantknow
I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time, especially with your mum. It's definitely tough when the one person who you wish would understand you the most just doesn't fully get where you're coming from or relate to where your head's at.
I'm mum to a 16yo girl and 13yo boy and occasionally I'll remind them that we're all doing this for the 1st time. What I mean is every time one of my kids experiences a challenge they've never dealt with before, it's also the first time I've been through this challenge (with them), as a mum. I'm winging it! Typically we grow a little closer in order to help each other deal with specific challenges yet sometimes we do experience some distance between us, for a variety of reasons.
Drifting apart or fighting (more so with my daughter) will generally happen when one of us cannot adjust to the changes needed in order to move forward. In all honesty, I admit there are times where I fail to adjust because I prefer to stay in my comfort zone, which doesn't do my daughter any good. During these times, she will better communicate to me the extent of the challenge she's facing. I will come to sit with her and truly listen to what she has to say, as opposed to listening for what I want to hear.
I can imagine it's perhaps easier for your mum to remain somewhat objective with the young people she helps. I can tell you when it's your own child experiencing issues, as a parent you have to sometimes begin looking to yourself as possibly being part of the problem. It can be a pretty confronting form of growth.
A few questions
- Has your mum offered you any advice or guidance when it comes to establishing effective communication between the 2 of you?
- Are there things you used to do together that you could perhaps get back to? My daughter and I used to go to the movies together up until a couple of years ago. She recently told me how much she missed this, so we saw 'Escape room' just last week. I'd forgotten how much I'd enjoyed this time together (where we could just be ourselves as opposed to performing the roles of mother and daughter)
- An unusual question but have you ever spoken to your mum about her helping you form a positive identity. It's tough when you're young, trying to identify yourself in this world. It's definitely a time in life when we can lose our sense of self. Guidance is so important
My #1 message to you: Never forget, you are beautiful and unique person deserving of guidance and evolution
