My husband loves me but is not in love
You have written some wonderful words here. It sounds like you are able to put strategies in place to help yourself and your husband. Congratulations! It may take time and a lot of effort, relationships are not always easy. You are certainly taking steps in the right direction. Well done.
At one stage I came home from work after my husband. I felt like he would "pounce" on me the minute I walked in the door. I felt swamped. I just needed a few minutes to chill out, sort stuff out and change from work to home mode.
I asked for 10 minutes to sort myself out, or told him I would be with him shortly. This didn't last long, so I then parked the car just down the road from home, made notes of things I wanted to or needed to do, took time to breathe then went home.
This may be another thing to consider with your husband. You mentioned how you feel tense when you return home, maybe he is the same. A couple I know give each other a little space, then they have time where they sit and chat about their day or what ever then get on with their evening.
All the best with the counselling, the walking and the gym!
Cheers for now from Dools