My husband loves me but is not in love

[PR12]

Help me please. My husband told me he loves me dearly but is not in love with me. We were only married in January and I am completely shocked and don't know what to do. He wants to seek counseling for himself as he says he doesn't feel anything for anyone not even his family and is worried for himself as he's feeling a bit mentally unstable. I feel so lost and alone and am not sure what to do. I love my husband so very much and want to support him in every way possible, but I'm worried he's going to leave me when we haven't had a chance to give our marriage a go. We have faced a few hurdles like putting work before growing and caring for our relationship, building a house and paying for a wedding. I sometimes am resentful towards him for never being around and he feels I am never happy to see him when it really is a coping mechanism for me as we both work in time demanding jobs. I can't stop crying and I'm just not sure what to do. Will marriage counseling help? Will seeking help for myself only help as well? I've never been in this type of situation before and am incredibly anxious and worried not only for my husband but for my emotional wellbeing.

[Doolhof]

Hi PR12,

You have written some wonderful words here. It sounds like you are able to put strategies in place to help yourself and your husband. Congratulations! It may take time and a lot of effort, relationships are not always easy. You are certainly taking steps in the right direction. Well done.

At one stage I came home from work after my husband. I felt like he would "pounce" on me the minute I walked in the door. I felt swamped. I just needed a few minutes to chill out, sort stuff out and change from work to home mode.

I asked for 10 minutes to sort myself out, or told him I would be with him shortly. This didn't last long, so I then parked the car just down the road from home, made notes of things I wanted to or needed to do, took time to breathe then went home.

This may be another thing to consider with your husband. You mentioned how you feel tense when you return home, maybe he is the same. A couple I know give each other a little space, then they have time where they sit and chat about their day or what ever then get on with their evening.

All the best with the counselling, the walking and the gym!

Cheers for now from Dools