Dear W.K. I read your post with interest. I was a young teenager when my mother died and didn't know what the term "controlling parent" meant. I guess she was one though and what I write may horrify some . You may think I am mean, cruel, ungrateful, vicious but I can only call it like it is.
when we were told at the hospital that she had died....my immediate overwhelming emotion was, and remained "relief". I recall breathing out a huge sigh (of relief) leaning against a Minister's shoulder (he was standing beside me) feeling "relief". I never missed her or grieved for her from that moment.
At major events like marriage, childbirth, etc...I never gave her a thought or wished i "had a Mum to help me" never! If my mother had not died, I would not have been able to live. I began to live when she died. Until then she controlled me totally (or tried to). I was not allowed to be "me" She stifled every glimpse of "me" that emerged.
Adolescence began and the imprisonment became intolerable. If she hadn't died, I may have killed her myself. I definitely would have left home as soon as I could. I was slowly smothering to death!
I was a pretty child apparently, blonde whereas my sisters were mousy. when my hair got to a certain length, lovely and wavy and people commented on it.she would take me to an amateur hairdresser, a relative, who cut it all off and curled it within an inch of its life.so that I was nearly bald with an ugly "afro" type covering on my head - almost shaved. I was bullied terribly for it, at school. I recall one kid asking "Why does your mother do that to you?" I hated my mother for that! that is just one story this went on until I became old enough to outright refuse.
She was an expert at emotional blackmail "You;ll be sorry when I die" etc. She told me, a little girl, that when she died my father would not be able to look after me, would marry another lady who would not want me, and that they would "put me in an orphanage and forget all about me". This would happen if I did not do as she wanted."it would make her sick and die."
Dying was the best thing my mother ever did for me(sorry to be so morbid folks - just wanted to let W K know I realise a little, what he said. I don't harbour guilt, grief, or unresolved emotions about my mother, believe me.I feel absolutely NOTHING. No, I am not "in denial"
I relate that story with no emotion whatsoever like narrating a plot of a movie )
