Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JESSICAV My relationship ended abruptly and I'm not sure what happened to me.
  • replies: 4

Hi guys. I’m not diagnosed with a problem, but I have had a lot of issues in the last few months which accumulated and caused the end of a long term relationship. I became obsessive and I suffocated my partner with attention and constant contact. I h... View more

Hi guys. I’m not diagnosed with a problem, but I have had a lot of issues in the last few months which accumulated and caused the end of a long term relationship. I became obsessive and I suffocated my partner with attention and constant contact. I had suffered some mood swings and mood changes in front of his friends and in private which I thought had to do with me beginning to take contraceptives, but I’m not sure anymore. He told me the stress became too much and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I hadn’t been feeling myself for months and I was unhappy. I was struggling to enjoy myself. He is chronically ill and I felt a really strong desire to be his carer, I wanted to purposefully make it known that I cared. I pressured him to move out with me to the point he didn't want to anymore since its so difficult with a disability pension. I am very scared to get evaluated. My father has extreme anxiety and I am terrified something is wrong with me that I cannot fix. I am grieving the loss of my partner, but I catch myself thinking about it constantly and I have crying outbursts every now and again. My train of thought changes from “well maybe he wasn’t for me and we weren’t for each other” to “am I possibly bipolar or depressed”. We only separated this week so I guess this is normal. However I have done this in previous relationships also. I am afraid something is wrong and I’m scared of finding out. I wanted to talk to someone, see if anyone has experienced the same things. Thank you

SubduedBlues Dear John letters....
  • replies: 8

This is but one of many Dear John letters from the Vietnam era war. Though old an story, in many ways it still holds true for many of us today; particularly for us Rick's who have been deposed, dumped and discarded by one of those Becky's. Dear Rick,... View more

This is but one of many Dear John letters from the Vietnam era war. Though old an story, in many ways it still holds true for many of us today; particularly for us Rick's who have been deposed, dumped and discarded by one of those Becky's. Dear Rick, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is simply too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm very sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any pictures they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Rick included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos all together in that envelope, along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Rick Many of us, when dumped by a loved one in, feel a need or burning desire to make the person who dumped us feel as bad (or worse) that we do. Where this may be a natural act of impulse during the heat of the moment, I really don't think it benefits us in any way. In fact, I would argue that it could make us feel worse. When our relationship ends, our perception of our own reality shifts. Each day is a dramatic change from the day before, the one that we were used to. Personally, I would prefer that the old partner were still out there on the fringe of my world as a friend (because I held the higher ground and didn't try to cut her down and make her feel bad for leaving me) -- than to be gone from my world altogether. Now I can remember the happier times we had together, and my mind is not clouded with bitterness and hatred. Now I can be a positive influence on our children and move forward with making good memories.

Anon54321 I have nothing to say
  • replies: 8

As the title says. I'm very lonely, and want to connect with others but I just find myself having nothing to say ever. I can't talk for a few minutes but then I just go blank. I have no genuine interest in what people say either, and I feel like I ha... View more

As the title says. I'm very lonely, and want to connect with others but I just find myself having nothing to say ever. I can't talk for a few minutes but then I just go blank. I have no genuine interest in what people say either, and I feel like I have lost any spark I had to having a meaningful conversation with others. How can I become interested, engaged and have more things to say? I really need help. Even this post does not convey my situation properly, I'm just lost.

Vidiot Why am i so stupid ?
  • replies: 7

I was married to my ex wife for 24 years, during that time she had 2 affairs that I'm aware of, she's never confessed anything more than admitting to what I knew and nothing more, we have 2 great kids together, they're both young adults now, I've bee... View more

I was married to my ex wife for 24 years, during that time she had 2 affairs that I'm aware of, she's never confessed anything more than admitting to what I knew and nothing more, we have 2 great kids together, they're both young adults now, I've been divorced for nearly 4 years now, my problem is I still can't get over the betrayal, yet I still care for my ex deeply, what is wrong with me ? I've so much doubt about so much of my time with her,yet I'm willing to give it another go, but she won't entertain that idea, which leaves me feeling even more pathetic.

Singlemum_2 Feeling worthless
  • replies: 11

Hi, partner left me at the beginning of the year we have two small children I didn't want the relationship to end but he had a drinking issue Which caused issues with us he also I believe was struggling with depression but he wasnt admitting to that ... View more

Hi, partner left me at the beginning of the year we have two small children I didn't want the relationship to end but he had a drinking issue Which caused issues with us he also I believe was struggling with depression but he wasnt admitting to that at the time. i usually deal with break ups with no contact however I do really care about him (+the shared kids) so I told him that if he ever really needed me I'd be there but that we can't be best friends ie not chatting everyday in August he came to me admitted he was struggling with depression he came and stayed with me and the kids for about 4 days and apologised he wasn't there for me when I needed him as he never believed mental illness was real until now (I struggled with anxiety and depression whilst pregnant partly because he was out drinking so much) since we have broken up I find it hard to move forward as I don't have a lot of time for me with two small kids he takes them 1 night a week (all he can do with his work) I am ok most time and unless he made considerable progress I wouldn't go back but I still sometimes struggle with the fact that it ended he was prescribed meds in August but said he didn't want to take them and wanted to stop drinking instead. He hasn't done neither he also never continued with his psychologist. through out this year he has let me down a lot just general selfishness cancelling when he was suppose to have kids last minute even if I had plans. He is a good guy and he treats everyone else really pretty good you know do anything for his mates. Its just me who he seems to have no regard for. He says he cares about me and he knows I always put him first and was very caring and good to him but we were just arguing and he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle anything anymore (his words) I just don't know what I could of done better. And I don't know how going forward I can stop allowing him to make me feel like that.? I know you cannot blame other people for how you feel but I am doing ok until he does something that is selfish and ends with me having to pick up the slack. when I feel worthless it consumes me, I think I still have to much importance on us being on ok terms I hate fighting I have tried to understand but he just gave up on us and I really struggling with feeling like it's not something I've done wrong. We have a parenting plan. how do I keep myself protected and also any advice on how to stop feeling worthless thank you.

Kukumalu Is my ex depressed?
  • replies: 8

I really wanna to know what's going on with my ex boyfriend, and what should I do. We were about to get married 4 years ago but due to some family issue we didn't end up together. He moved to Netherland after that. for 3 years we didn't contact each ... View more

I really wanna to know what's going on with my ex boyfriend, and what should I do. We were about to get married 4 years ago but due to some family issue we didn't end up together. He moved to Netherland after that. for 3 years we didn't contact each other until this February he sent me an email and said he wanted to talk with me. I got to know he was depressed when we broke up, and had medication then. Later on we realised that for the past 3 years none of us had a serious relationship. then we were back together, but long distance. I went to Europe on July and August, we had great time together. we started to make plan to move together. He always said he was tired, he couldn't go to work, and needed some time alone. I told him if he didn't want to be with me just saying it. But every time, he would say he was tired and he needed time. On sep he broke up with me and then told me he loved me but his body was saying NO to this relationship. he told me He couldn't work, he stayed at home weeks after weeks......I didn't know that was depression, and accepted his decision. after I know about depression. I tried to contact him and offered him help, he said he was seeing doctor but didn't have any medicine. We had a few times back together and break-ups over the next two months. I couldn't tell whether he broke up with me because of his depression or he really meant it. But at end he said he had to break up with me so that he could get over the pressure and be able to eat three meals a day. Two weeks ago, he rang me. He said he was so depressed. I tried to be nice to him and check with his status almost everyday afterwards. But later on he was a bit of angry with me saying his was sick and needed to change the doctor and get medicine. I tried to avoid these words. Every time when I called him, he would say he was getting better, he went to work everyday and even went to gym sometimes, he even planned a trip to visit his friend in another city. I felt like he was ok but I wasn't. I couldn't understand why he broke up with me. It seemed I was a terrible person, his life was so much better without me.But why he asked me for help when he was desperate? I shouted at him last Friday when he was telling me the plan to visit his friend. But after the shouting he said he couldn't tell me how depressed he was, he had to do things to motive himself. Now I regret and afraid his depression may get worse. What should I do? Dose he really not love me?

Memol Getting married was my biggest mistake
  • replies: 8

Hi, I just got married less than a year ago & I constantly think that I made the biggest mistake. I hate so many things about him and the life that he has given me. More than anything else I hate his family, I hate how he misled me about how condesce... View more

Hi, I just got married less than a year ago & I constantly think that I made the biggest mistake. I hate so many things about him and the life that he has given me. More than anything else I hate his family, I hate how he misled me about how condescending, nosy and demanding they are. They think they are entitled to be part of every single decision we make in our life and they want to assure their opinion is heard and followed pronto. Yet, they feel like they have no responsibilities with anything and if they do the smallest help it has to be acknowledged and praised in the eye of everyone. I hate that he thinks this is alright. I hate that he used to tell me they are biggest spenders alive and yet during my wedding I saw the real face of each and every one of them. I hated how cheaply they celebrated my day and how they minimised their expenses in every way possible. I hate that I have invested way more than he has, in this life. I hate that he sits home scratching his balls, trying to get healthier and better while I have to slave away in a job that I hate just to pay rent and bills. And yet his arrogant family finds a way to talk about their opinion regarding how we should have stayed in Melbourne blah blah blah. I hate that they have no shame. I hate that he is so lazy. He is not trying to find a job at all. He is living his life waiting for his big break while someone else is busting her ass to pay for everything. This was not the life I expected. I keep thinking I made a mistake. I rushed through everything just coz I had a dying grandfather who wanted to see me married. I had to compromise and now I feel like it did not worth it. If I would see how lazy ass and unmotivated and useless he is I would dump him now. Instead of being stock to someone that I can barely even remember why I loved in the first place. I feel trapped. And I feel no way out. I try staying positive telling myself that it is all gonna get better when he finds a job and I get a break from this overwhelming life. But I don’t even see that happening any time soon. He’s a useless piece of shit that I tied my life to forever L . and now complication of cutting him out of my life is way worse that it would be had us not gotten married. I dunno what to do. I hate the sight of him. I don’t wanna talk to him coz his responses are more like excuses. I seriously don’t love him anymore. I have nothing left no passion no hope and no happiness. And I resent him for it every single second…

meatloaf Workplace legal action
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Has anyone sued their workplace for bullying and failing to create a safe work environment and won?

Has anyone sued their workplace for bullying and failing to create a safe work environment and won?

Nala My boyfriend seems to be struggling right now.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We live together and share some very fun and happy times. 90% of our times together are happy. The other 10% of the time I see him really down. Every day he mentions being tired and seems to ge... View more

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We live together and share some very fun and happy times. 90% of our times together are happy. The other 10% of the time I see him really down. Every day he mentions being tired and seems to get 'down' around nighttime. I know him well enough to know when something is wrong, but when I ask he always insists that nothing is wrong. I see straight through it though and know that something is up. When I ask, he covers his face with a pillow or his hands, become extremely quiet and will not tell me whats wrong. Recently I got him to open up a little more and he told me he doesn't know what he's doing with his life and doesn't know what his plan is for the next year or two. He has just graduated university so I believe this is normal, but his down times make me wonder if I have done something to upset him. When he does talk to me, it's only for a minute or two before he says 'I feel better, we can stop now' but I can tell that it's something deeper. When I got him to open up a little bit recently, he told me he feels lost and doesn't know where his life is going. I told him that this is norml for recent graduates and he then again told me nothing is wrong. I ended up walking out of the room and slamming the door because I became so frustrated that he wouldn't tell me what's wrong. Apart from these down times, he is an active, healthy and generally happy young man. How can I help him realise that he doesn't need a life plan right now (he's 21) and that things will work out? He's so lost and I can't help but feel like I've done something to make him sad. I work as a welfare worker and counsellor and would love to refer him to a guidance counsellor, but I'm not sure that he'd go. Thanks.

Struggling_with_it Confused by sudden change to custody agreement
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I am just looking for some sort of advice here. Sorry if this takes a bit of time but I need to ensure you have some familiarity with the back story. My ex wife, we separated 8 years ago under the most bizarre circumstances. That is, she just came ho... View more

I am just looking for some sort of advice here. Sorry if this takes a bit of time but I need to ensure you have some familiarity with the back story. My ex wife, we separated 8 years ago under the most bizarre circumstances. That is, she just came home from a trip with her singing group and told me we need to separate, we got counselling and it all seemed good but when we got home I was told to still move out. After separation we arranged a shared custody of our two children, now this was organised around her singing (just chorus singing nothing professional) so I had access from Wednesday evening to Saturday evening every week. This worked well and suited her. We have been doing this same custody agreement for the past 8 years. Now in the last week suddenly my children do not want to come to my house and they dont want to show affection towards me. I am a very relaxed parent and when the children are with me I provide well for them but dont expect them to do any chores or any other things around the house, my ex is the opposite she expects the children to learn to be adults and basically fend for themselves within the confines of her home. This has come as an incredibly rude shock and from out of nowhere, now my children did a rehearsed speech that stated they wanted to be with their mum most of the time and only with me for every second weekend. I have devoted my entire being to my two children, everything I do and talk about is them. I adore both of them and have never been violent or aggressive towards them. I may raise my voice sometimes but that is it. How is it possible that my ex has, in such a short period of time (five days) turned my children to the point that they do not even want to cuddle me when i turned up to talk with them let alone they dont want to come to my home. I am at a total loss here and have found that it feels as though my entire heart has been ripped from my body. I am confused and very upset. My ex wife has unfortunately, and not stating this as a target, but it needs to mentioned, she has a history of mental health issues, post natal depression (7 weeks where I was Mr Mum to a baby and a 3 year old) and a couple of years ago she tried to self harm and was hospitalised again. Again I took care of the children. I am concerned that this history is a factor and could actually be putting my children at risk. Not sure what to do Your help or advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated