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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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PunksInTheGym 5 years on from a break-up and still unable to move on
  • replies: 2

In 2012 I met a lovely young lady who became the centre of my universe (admittedly a bad move) but I thought finally that I had met someone to settle down with. I had been through numerous relationships prior and was about ready to give up. Ever sinc... View more

In 2012 I met a lovely young lady who became the centre of my universe (admittedly a bad move) but I thought finally that I had met someone to settle down with. I had been through numerous relationships prior and was about ready to give up. Ever since this one failed, I have virtually done just that. We were only together for around four months. What made this one so hard in the end was distance, but I never did get a rock solid reason for her leaving me. We had an arrangement where she purchased me an E-tag for my car, so I didn't have to worry about buying a citylink pass all the time to go see her. I wasn't overly comfortable with the idea, so I made sure I spoilt her and treated her well in return for this gesture. I was working full time, and she was also, so one day/night a week was the normal catch up for us. In the end her break-up method was to come to my house and collect this e-tag. We said I love you to each other, but we could see it in each other's faces that things were not going to end well. I didn't even get through the cuddle and goodbye,drive safe before I totally lost it. Following this break-up I took to the bottle,marijuana, and shortly after had lung surgery to correct a collapsed lung I later suffered at work. Both my dogs also passed away shortly after. I've put myself through the ringer playing the blame game. And after the initial anger towards her (which I did not channel her way,but bottled) I began to really take it out on myself. After being made redundant from work I spiralled into an abyss. And only in the last 12 months have I really gained any ground, mentally and physically. I am a keen rock climber/mountaineer. I used this as my escape also and to a degree it worked. But I still have her in my thoughts, dreams and so on. She has a partner now whom she moved in with maybe a year after we broke up, but I have not done anything since but climb. Or go fishing. And most of these things have been on my own. When I go into the mountains I pick the worst days and make myself suffer deliberately. I break down sometimes out there,but quite often it happens at home randomly. Then I have to hide it. I can't contact her as doing so only made things worse, and she has clearly moved on with her life after 5 years without me. At the moment I feel as though I am at a crossroads. Do something about it now, or self destruct. Apologies for ranting, but I guess that is why we are all here. To talk about it.

usedshed Australian citizen married a 457 Visa, Centrelink rights denied!
  • replies: 7

Hello to everyone, I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to past toxic workplace bullying and harassment and I'm receiving Disability Pension support, long story. I recently married a foreigner woman with a 5 years old baby who are on a 457 Visa. We went... View more

Hello to everyone, I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to past toxic workplace bullying and harassment and I'm receiving Disability Pension support, long story. I recently married a foreigner woman with a 5 years old baby who are on a 457 Visa. We went several times to Centrelink to update the new family status, the staff automatically reduced my fortnight payment because they said now I'm married without even seeing my wife's pay slips, they also denied us any family, child and tax benefits. Something I want to ask (probably stupid) is, are we both eligible to receive DSP payments as a couple? I do understand that my wife and baby are on a 457 Visa and so there are some restrictions but my DSP was reduced due that now I'm married plus my family and tax allowances are being denied so what about my Rights as an Australian citizen? I feel like a foreigner in my country, what is your opinion/ knowledge regarding this racist and confusing (toward me) Immigration rules? Why I've a family but I may not access to my Rights? Should I still be proud of being Australian? Can anyone please give me some directions?

kanga_brumby How do I go about telling bad news to the kids
  • replies: 4

Recently I was diagnosed with a low grade cancer. I'm thinking about telling my children I'm 61 the kids are 18 and 15. They have already lost there mother to cancer ten years ago to cancer. Which was said to be a low grade cancer. Totally different ... View more

Recently I was diagnosed with a low grade cancer. I'm thinking about telling my children I'm 61 the kids are 18 and 15. They have already lost there mother to cancer ten years ago to cancer. Which was said to be a low grade cancer. Totally different area of the body. But how do I tell them without freaking them out. I'm scared what it will do to them physiology. Will it damage them if I tell them. That's freaking me out, should I tell them or not. Kanga

Ocelot1771 I feel alone in the world
  • replies: 3

I'm sitting here tonight feeling a bit panicked and scared about my situation and just need some soothing words or advice. Life used to be quite good for me at one stage, I had my parents and siblings, a small but close network of friends, things to ... View more

I'm sitting here tonight feeling a bit panicked and scared about my situation and just need some soothing words or advice. Life used to be quite good for me at one stage, I had my parents and siblings, a small but close network of friends, things to do and just generally felt buoyant and enthusiastic about life. Fast forward 10 years, and I no longer have any parents (they've passed and my Dad last September), have fallen out with my sister after a particularly nasty fight recently, have a distant relationship with my brother (but always did), have about one close-ish friend that I see every few months (she lives far away), and a few acquaintances here and there that I see very infrequently. The only person I see and talk to regularly every day that I have a close connection with is my partner, and he's not always supportive. If I reach out to people they generally will be happy enough to see me, but it's always me doing the reaching out and I feel like I'm no-one's priority. I just feel very alone and like I have no support network, and I'm still grieving my Dad I think but no-one understands that. I'm scared that the rest of my life will be lonely and empty and that terrifies me.

Emilylou Pregnant and exhausted
  • replies: 2

I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my first child and building a house with my partner. Currently we live with my parents to save a little extra money. Firstly, partner dislikes my mum so I'm constantly trying to defuse the situation. Second, I wor... View more

I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my first child and building a house with my partner. Currently we live with my parents to save a little extra money. Firstly, partner dislikes my mum so I'm constantly trying to defuse the situation. Second, I work full time in a high stress job. Third, I have high blood pressure and at high risk of antenatal and postnatal depression. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to leave my bed. I want to do the right thing for my baby so I eat at least twice a day (hearty/healthy meals) and go for walks even other day. This is for my baby. Not for me. If it was up to me I wouldn't. My partner doesn't help, instead he fights with my mum and stresses me more. He's constantly complaining about money and time. I do what I can but its never enough. I'm just lost and don't know what to do or who to talk to. Even if I talk to someone what kind of response would help?

Kitty128 Friend-less
  • replies: 6

I don't have many close friends (actually, I don't have any). Mostly, we drift apart. I still keep in touch with friends/acquaintances on social media but it's not good enough. I'm going through a really rough time now and I feel a lot of it has to d... View more

I don't have many close friends (actually, I don't have any). Mostly, we drift apart. I still keep in touch with friends/acquaintances on social media but it's not good enough. I'm going through a really rough time now and I feel a lot of it has to do with not having a large support network. My boyfriend (and my cats!) is/are my best friend(s) and while it's amazing I have is support, I know it's not healthy to "hide" away from the real world. My social anxiety has really worsened over the past 6 months. I feel awkward meeting new people or reconnecting with old friends. I haven't developed any close friendships in my job and I have been there for 9 months. I'm not close with my family either. I study part time online, but it's hard to develop connections with people. I'm 27 years old and I don't know how to make friends. My psych always discusses the importance of friendships as part of my therapy for depression/anxiety but I don't actually have any friends. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else struggles with maintaining/creating new friendships - or if anyone has any tips on meeting new people. :)

Korrine Partner always working, feel lonely.
  • replies: 4

Hi all. My partner started a new job last year and when he took it I was aware that there was going to be travel and long hours and I was fine with that. The first few trips he'd get me something small (which I was extremely grateful for) now when he... View more

Hi all. My partner started a new job last year and when he took it I was aware that there was going to be travel and long hours and I was fine with that. The first few trips he'd get me something small (which I was extremely grateful for) now when he comes home he is tired and cranky and flies off the handle about the smallest things (I dropped something on the floor and woke him up and he went off) for the first few days and then he goes back to normal. This month he'll only be home on weekends because of travel. While his away I feel lonely and upset. I don't have many friends because I'm a bit of a loner. I have tried to bring the subject up with him and he replies with "I'll find another job then", which makes me feel like I'm being stupid and overbearing. I love him more than anything else but I can't help feeling like this. I don't want him to leave his job but I'm feeling like I'm being put second to his job and to his friends as when his home he also gets asked to help his friends with their cars (because his a mechanic, yet when I asked him to look at my car he'd keep forgetting) or he sits on his phone or laptop and does more work rather then spend time with me. Am I just being a drama queen or should I just accept everything and deal with the lonelness? We've been together for 3 years. Thank you in advance.

luke_c someone is always on my mind
  • replies: 11

I thought i'd get this off my chest as it has been on my mind for the last couple of years or so. there's this girl i used to work with a few years ago that i still fancy and i'm thinking about her most of the time. it's like i'm not interested in an... View more

I thought i'd get this off my chest as it has been on my mind for the last couple of years or so. there's this girl i used to work with a few years ago that i still fancy and i'm thinking about her most of the time. it's like i'm not interested in anyone else no matter how attractive they are, i've been on a few dates over the last couple of years and deep down i'm not into them, i felt a sense of relief that these dates didn't go any further than beyond seeing each other and having sex so i could focus on people i really want to be with (well at least friends). i dunno call it madness, i do have schizophrenic symptoms and bad anxiety, but i'm going to melbourne in a few months partly for the reason of seeing this girl, i was planning on playing hard to get just to see how interested she really is in me, with going to a jiujitsu comp and travelling with mates as an excuse. i know that she still works for the same company as before. it's hard to contact her since she doesn't want to know me at the moment. i have just threw the fishing line in the water ocassionally hoping i'd get a bite, i'm not being a creep about it and trying to constantly contact her, people need their privacy and space, i get that. i probably could go on about this but i'll leave to you guys to give me advice.

Melncoly Empty Nest??
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling so sad, lost and it feels like my soul has been crushed...again. I'll try not to go off on a tangent but I will also start from the beginning. My daughter moved from Perth to Sydney 6 years ago when she was 12 to live with her father. Thi... View more

I'm feeling so sad, lost and it feels like my soul has been crushed...again. I'll try not to go off on a tangent but I will also start from the beginning. My daughter moved from Perth to Sydney 6 years ago when she was 12 to live with her father. This broke my heart as I had been the sole parent to her for 8 years. We had a great life, but then I met my now husband who is amazing and right from the start my daughter held a grudge against him as she had never lived or shared her time with anyone but me. Life got tough, she started lying to her friends and making up far fetched stories about our life to everyone. We tried so hard to help put her on the right track, but in the end she made the choice to move to Sydney to live with her father and his family where she completed high school, completed a part time tafe course that has her qualified in childcare, had a casual job while at school, had a school formal and got her driver's license. All of these things as a parent I had to experience from across the other side of the country. It was hard not being there to be apart of her teenage life. We spoke regularly on the phone and became closer even though we were so far apart. She came back to Perth for holidays a handful of times, but holidays are always better than "real life" Things started to get tough for her at the end of last year and to cut a long story short, she made the choice to relocate back to Perth for a fresh start. YAYYYYY!!! My "little" girl was finally coming home. My husband, but more so me were over the moon!! We've had just over 3 months with her and this week she told us she's moving back to Sydney in a weeks time. She says she's not happy here, she's working casual at a supermarket, she hasn't made any friends and hasn't landed a childcare job that she so wants to have. I'm heartbroken and cannot believe this is happening again. I feel I haven't had enough time with her. My heart hurts so much, I feel like a apart of me is dying, my soul feels shattered and I don't know how i'm going to get through this...again. All I want is for her to be happy but i'm not ready to say goodbye.

Evie_ Advice on Repairing a parent / child relationship Please
  • replies: 2

Hi For 2.5 - 3 years I have been in a divorce and settlement. It has all the ugly bits of a relationship breakdown. The sad casualties of this is our children. My ex-husband and I have parent orders now its equal share. But due to the age of my eldes... View more

Hi For 2.5 - 3 years I have been in a divorce and settlement. It has all the ugly bits of a relationship breakdown. The sad casualties of this is our children. My ex-husband and I have parent orders now its equal share. But due to the age of my eldest, this child can choose to stay where they would like. I have haven't spoken to my eldest since these the separation. My ex is in the martial house. I text every week, and email regularly but I never get any replies. I keep the messages light hearted, just reminding them that I'm here when they are ready. I cant prove that there is other contributing factors, but I doubt the proper support is offered in terms of our reconciliation. Many milestones have been missed for both of us. I have some reassurance that my child is doing ok at school, and they are safe and well looked after. The child can walk past me at school, and is able to ignores me, but I feel the sadness. I found letters tonight, our relationship was always so good. Most days it's pushed down so I can get on with things, but tonight it's not. Has anyone had a similar situation. What did they do to repair their relationship . How long did it take for them to come home. My child is in year 12, they will be gone in a few months. Free to explore the world. Our time as parent and child has been cut very short. I hope this doesn't haunt them later too. Do I need to fight harder for my child or is waiting the only way forward. Eve