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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Polka_Dots An issue of morality
  • replies: 3

I have a problem with anxiety and depression I also have a really aggressive sibling with mental health problems. We are estranged because I fear for my safety and health. However, my parents, still feel sorry for him and put his needs before mine. T... View more

I have a problem with anxiety and depression I also have a really aggressive sibling with mental health problems. We are estranged because I fear for my safety and health. However, my parents, still feel sorry for him and put his needs before mine. There has always been a lax set of guidelines for him and a different really strict set of rules for me. I feel like I am the second child, even though we are not children anymore. I think they’re really scared of him and, despite what every psychiatric expert has said, they give him what he wants because it’s easier for them. Here's my current dilemma that I'd like people's opinions on before I lose yet another night of sleep over it. We go away to a seaside town a lot and the problem I have is that my parents always invite him. He doesn’t always pitch but it’s enough to ruin a holiday. Last time I was meant to go with him and they invited him last minute and I back out. They were really hurt and angry at me. So we are going away for Easter and I’ve agreed to go. I asked if he was invited and they said no. Happy because I love them and we have fun together. However, I don’t trust them, just by some underhanded comments they have made. I am really scared that if I go he’ll turn up and I’ll be stranded there in the same house with no way of getting home until we leave. Even though I’ve made my terms and conditions fr going very clear. I feel really sick and scared in his presence but my parents don’t care about that. It’s already ruining the trip for me. But I don’t want to hurt their feelings again and deal with all that drama by backing out. Especially as this time it's a familiy religious celebration. I also don’t want to spend another holiday by myself and I think active holidays are good for my own mental health whereas sitting at home watching crap movies is not. I think it’s really unfair that my trips away are dictated by my parents and sibling- I am over 21- and that my feelings are put last when I try to do the right thing. I’ll be really hurt if it turns out they’ve lied to me to protect his feelings too. So do I stay and feel awful or go and possibly have a good time or possibly risk being stuck in an unsafe situation with no way to get out until the close of the trip? Or am I just being an anxiety person who is worrying too much like I always do? I'm interested in people's thoughts because this is going to set a precedent.

Newbie123 Should I give him another chance?
  • replies: 9

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. I'm 19 he's 35 and has two kids they are amazing and I love them but they still don't know we are together and neither does anyone in or work places or town. That's only one issue though. I have caught... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. I'm 19 he's 35 and has two kids they are amazing and I love them but they still don't know we are together and neither does anyone in or work places or town. That's only one issue though. I have caught him several times messaging other women and calling then beautiful and hot and sending them kisses and I have told him it's unacceptable and that I consider it cheating. The last time he actually did stop but now I doubting it and just thinking he's become better at hiding it? What should I do? Confront him and have him lie to my face or find loop holes because I don't know enough to catch him out. Or should I just see what happens and do more investigating? Anyone else with a better idea? I love him and I really want us to work but I'm getting to the point were I'm done... What should I do?

Notrealymyname How to start the conversation
  • replies: 3

In a relationship for 8 years and have kids together. It's never been great although never really had a fight. The whole thing just seems pointless like we're roommates but I pay all the bills. Zero intimacy which bothers me on a lot of levels but no... View more

In a relationship for 8 years and have kids together. It's never been great although never really had a fight. The whole thing just seems pointless like we're roommates but I pay all the bills. Zero intimacy which bothers me on a lot of levels but now I'm being pressured for sex even though partner thinks that it should just happen rather than there be a lead up to it through intimacy. Overall I feel pretty empty and that there is no meaning to my life but I can't seem to find the courage to say anything to anyone. I feel that my partner is self centred (didn't even say happy birthday to me) but I also am aware that I keep a guard up and have been dissatisfied with my life on all aspects not just with them. my job is such a negative place but it's our only source of income (for the last 4 months and for the foreseeable future) and it only covers the bills so I resent my partner for not earning an income. I have made small comments about the lack of romance with no change. I haven't enjoyed anything for a long time so I have no clue how to fix it and don't know how to voice that I feel taken advantage of and neglected. I would just disappear if it wasn't for the little ones

Bella-81 Mother in law issues damaging marriage
  • replies: 13

How do I deal with my mother in law who is highly anxious, incapable of communication and only seems to have issues with me since having our child 19 months ago! I feel like I'm competing with her for my husbands attention!! I'm not sure if my husban... View more

How do I deal with my mother in law who is highly anxious, incapable of communication and only seems to have issues with me since having our child 19 months ago! I feel like I'm competing with her for my husbands attention!! I'm not sure if my husband is enjoying all this attention from his mother since it was lacking when he was younger??

Licing Still holding on
  • replies: 7

Been with the guy for almost 10yrs. Not once he ever compliment me nor express his feelings towards me. Realised from the beginning that this is a one sided relationship. Ive felt unloved before him and now I feel very ugly and unworthy. I love him s... View more

Been with the guy for almost 10yrs. Not once he ever compliment me nor express his feelings towards me. Realised from the beginning that this is a one sided relationship. Ive felt unloved before him and now I feel very ugly and unworthy. I love him so much and even known him always cheating for the 10yrs, I still don't want to leave. Do I have a sickness? I know he doesn't love me and I know he doesn't want me. He tells other women he misses them and wants them. But not once he ever tells me this. He now has a new woman, he tells her that he loves her. But he denies something going on. And he talks to her everyday where he only talks to me when necessary. And I still want him to be with me. I know that I will never move on until he leaves me. And I know that when he does leave me for this woman, I will be in my deepest hell. How can I be in this one sided relationship for 10yrs and love this man who doesn't love me, even treat my love for him as garbage. What is wrong with me???

Lifeisajourney Advice needed on lying
  • replies: 3

I need some advice please regarding lying. I have very strong beliefs that you should not lie in a relationship i have been with my partner for almost 2 years. He lies to me and I have caught him out and he says he will not do it again. He lied to me... View more

I need some advice please regarding lying. I have very strong beliefs that you should not lie in a relationship i have been with my partner for almost 2 years. He lies to me and I have caught him out and he says he will not do it again. He lied to me about a girls number and smoking. I love him and want to be with him and currently trying to work on things. I can't trust him and find it hard believing him, how do I begin to do this again and fix things ? Is it worth it this hurts so bad

Lost_in_a_good_book Lost and alone
  • replies: 7

I feel so alone, I moved to australia over three years ago with my husband and i haven't made a single friend, I've never been good with people i'm always the last resort and always have been, i feel like no one ever actually wants to spend time with... View more

I feel so alone, I moved to australia over three years ago with my husband and i haven't made a single friend, I've never been good with people i'm always the last resort and always have been, i feel like no one ever actually wants to spend time with me they only do if they have to, so i've been coming more and more withdrawn now i only really see my husband but he's a baker so most days i only only see him for 2 hours. I'm starting to feel nauseous when i have to be social with my husbands family, they're all so pally with my brother in laws other halves and even though i've known them all the longest i'm the one thats out place. I don't know what i do wrong with people, i guess they just find me weird. I'm a florist and not a very good one at that, with my lack of social skills i feel like i'm just driving people away. I don't fit in with anyone at work, being at least 15 years younger than everyone. I don't really want to to be a florist anymore but i'm lost and don't know what else to do, i don't want to be around people. But i don't want to be alone.

InLimbo In need of friends
  • replies: 6

Hi, first time on here. I'm 37yrs and have had depression and anxiety most if my life. I find it hard keeping friends, mainly because most people are very superficial and are not truly there for the 'good and the bad' if a relationship. I've asked my... View more

Hi, first time on here. I'm 37yrs and have had depression and anxiety most if my life. I find it hard keeping friends, mainly because most people are very superficial and are not truly there for the 'good and the bad' if a relationship. I've asked my psychologist how to make friends and she says once I'm working again I'll find people. I just don't know if I can wait that long. I need a friend to chat, laugh, cry with. I find when I have a true friend to be with my motivation in life is better and my depression lifts. I've dealt with a few traumatic events in my life. The most recent losing a baby at 22weeks. I'm still doing IVF and it's becoming increasingly difficult to cope with the constant letdowns. It doesn't help I don't have any girlfriends to to talk to about it. Anyway, just thought I would put it out there and see what people think.

wanted_a_simple_life Am I Normal???
  • replies: 25

It's been over a year now Ive been seperated and Im still mourning the loss of my wife and family. After finding out she has cheated on me during my marriage and getting engaged straight after we seperated (less than 2 weeks) has been heartbreaking. ... View more

It's been over a year now Ive been seperated and Im still mourning the loss of my wife and family. After finding out she has cheated on me during my marriage and getting engaged straight after we seperated (less than 2 weeks) has been heartbreaking. She has subsequently broken up with the guy and hooked up with someone else seven weeks after that. In all this my kids had 3 father figures in less than 12 months and have been directed to lie and hide information to her parents and family. I have been told by her dad im the perpretrator and she is the victim of the situation, which really hurts. My family was my world and now they live an hour away, I feel lost and directionless. I still wake up and find they are not there, the pain kills me and I can physically feel the weight of it each day, where she has just left all this behind and got on with her life. The laws seem to favour her so much and even though she has done everything to break us up, I still have to fight to see my kids. Now I have to give up my entire life to move closer to them or I will miss out on my kids growing up. Im so sad about everything right now. Even her family (except her parents and a sibling) can see she has made a huge mistake and me and my kids will pay for it. There are no winners in this other than her as she plays the victim card, but has done all this stuff during the marriage. I feel so ripped off.....

Davidian My sexual performance anxiety problem is about to break up my relationship
  • replies: 4

I'm late-20s, and have been in a relationship with my partner for coming up to 4 years. Was diagnosed with depression when I was younger after I dropped out of university, and although I'm no longer in that dark place, I feel that I've never really s... View more

I'm late-20s, and have been in a relationship with my partner for coming up to 4 years. Was diagnosed with depression when I was younger after I dropped out of university, and although I'm no longer in that dark place, I feel that I've never really shook off the depression completely. My partner and I met online, since I came over here to live almost 3 years ago the intimacy rapidly tapered off and now the lack of it has left a huge void in our relationship. I avoid intimacy at all costs because when we do begin to be intimate I suffer extreme anxiety. What began as mild discomfort with sexual activities now prevents us from doing anything sexual. I think the initial discomfort stemmed from poor body image. I'm overweight (have been all my life) and for most of my 20s I suffered from an addiction to porn. This replaced normal sexual interaction with women - since my early 20s I only had one relationship, again online, however was not very close with this girl. Obviously this skewed view of sex is not compatible with a serious loving relationship, however I didn't even realise this was the problem until months after I had moved to Australia and it became clear there was a problem. Initially I thought it was just something that would pass once I had become more comfortable in a new country, once I'd found a job, and a place of our own. But those things have come and gone and the anxiety has only become worse. I think I'm anxious at the thought of being myself in bed with my partner, because I do not live up to my expectations of how a man should be and perform during sex, and also how the whole sexual experience should be. I made excuses and tried to avoid the subject and avoid intimacy at all costs, but as my problem became apparent, I had to talk to my partner about it. Every time I turned her down, every time I avoided sexual contact with her, I damaged her self-confidence and hurt her. Every time I suffered anxiety to the point of recoiling away, I put her through the same mental anguish I'd been suffering, if not worse. We've been to a sex therapist, who after a few sessions referred me to a psychologist who specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy; I've been seeing him for several sessions since last year for my anxiety. We've covered a lot of techniques to control my anxious thoughts, mindfulness, and sensate focus exercises - but I feel that even though I seem to have the tools and the knowledge to get through this, I just can't seem to apply myself, follow through on my promises and make a big effort to turn my life around. I can't even look at it because it seems so impossible. When I do make progress I look at what I have left to do and it seems even more daunting, so I run away. I give up because I can't bear to push through the discomfort. We're fighting about this on a weekly basis now. The kind of fights where we scream at each other, in floods of tears, then end up barely speaking for 2-3 days afterwards. Things get better, I try to follow through with my promises to keep up the consistent application of the tools I have to combat anxiety, but then a week or so later I bottle it, end up breaking my promise and the cycle repeats. Every time we fight I feel us getting further apart and success seems even further away. She screams at me because she's in so much pain, beyond breaking point, and I won't just bite the bullet and confront this head on - and I don't blame her. She's given me an ultimatum. 2 weeks to get some sort of plan in progress - something that I will stick to - or we can both look for our needs met elsewhere. As painful as that thought is I feel I deserve the pain after everything I've put her through. I've lied, broken promises, put my needs ahead of hers, and tried to avoid looking at this issue at her expense. I don't know how to motivate myself to follow through. I start out with the best of intentions - recording my daily thoughts, spending some time every couple of days being close to her, using sensate focus exercises to try to become comfortable with it. But after a few days this tails off, I stop writing down how I feel, I make excuses to not be intimate, and stop even talking about it, withdrawing into my shell. I've only just talked to my Dad about it, I'm so cripplingly ashamed about it that I haven't mentioned it to anyone else. What can I do to motivate myself push through the discomfort of anxiety when I can't even seem to manage it with all the help I'm getting? SIMILAR THREADS Lack of sex drive