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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest6093 New Dad/Husband Struggling With Anger Issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger ove... View more

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger over very petty things (such as shoes being left where they shouldn't, things not being cleaned, etc) and I sort of become furious without being able to release it. The problem is, my wife can feel the brunt of my energy and it really gets her down. The issue is, we are struggling for money as it is and I can't afford to go see anyone at the moment. I find on days that I run in the mornings that it certainly helps release what I need it to. On other days, I find myself telling myself that it's meaningless and not worth getting angry over and I do some deep breathing and it passes. However, most days at the moment I am struggling to get rid of it and as you can imagine as a new mother of a 5-month-old it is the last thing my wife needs to deal with. Does anyone have any suggestions or links or videos or meditations they know of that have helped them deal with such anger issues? Thank you in advance.

XWZsydney Depressed:In-laws keep holding my 3-month baby, I as a new mother rarely get a chance
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from over... View more

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from overseas and some of their acts really make me depressed. They have been holding, cuddling my baby all day long, from morning when I wake up, they just barge in never knock and take the baby away, when we go shopping they always insist on pushing the pram, out for dinner they hold the baby while eating even there is a very cozy pram nearby, at night my mother in law prefer to shake the baby to sleep and don't want to leave my room. So, I only hold and see my baby at night. I have been feeling very lonely and sometimes miss my bub so much. I think I can take care of my own baby and I don't need a nanny. From time to time, they prefer their old-fashioned caring style and ignore my objection. I have talked to my husband about my concern, but I am not sure if he is going to negotiate with them. What do I do? Do I tell them straight away? I don't want to ruin a peaceful relationship. Need help.

Nickname88 When loved ones push you away
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him ... View more

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him space so that he can get to a level of coping by himself. I am giving him the space he has asked for but I am finding it really difficult. He is on medication (dosage recently increased) and has begun seeing a psychologist. However, he has no one else in his life due to divorce and moving countries, so I am very worried and don't understand why he wouldn't want me to help him in such a difficult time. I have accepted that all I can do right now is respect his wishes but I also can't do nothing. He tells me that he doesn't want me to see him like this, he is embarrassed, that he is not a good man and that I deserve better. Do the depressed who push support away really want us to go away? What level of contact would show support and love without pushing them away further? should I wait for him to initiate contact? Why do they do it? I would appreciate some advice and thank you in advance.

speaking_out This is new
  • replies: 3

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationsh... View more

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationship with my partner. We have identified the problems and have agreed to work through them, but now i have unmanageable anxiety everytime i am around him. When we are apart, i feel ok (unless i'm ruminating about being with him) and when we are talking on an emotional level i am also calm, however this is not often. I love him and I want to be with him, but i'm so scared that he doesn't like me (and i can't ask again, as i've exhausted the limits of my validation seeking for the next 10 years) and is going to leave, and this triggers ideation about leaving him, if only to avoid my anxiety and overwhelming negative thoughts. I feel like i screwed up big time and that he is now only staying with me for convenience sake. I know i am being over sensitive, ruminating excessively and that these thoughts are driving my anxiety, but its making things so awkward between us and this is no foundation for working on our relationship. I feel so lost. Its just not me and its awful. I have no questions and dont need advice. I just want understanding and validation. I miss my mum.

Jessa004 Can a mans depression end a long term love for good or is there hope for us?
  • replies: 9

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from fam... View more

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from families where we don't really feel understood.During our time together we have broken up a few times With the longest time with no contact being 6 months in which he moved away to the snow in NSW (we live in QLD) towards the end of that trip he told me he had made a mistake and that he was still In love with me and he was so depressed there that he actually contemplated suicide. We have had our ups and downs but we finally were back together he told me he knew that he fully loved me and we decided to move out together with another roommate. He had his hesitations because he said he still wanted to travel and do snow seasons, it's not that I didn't want to do it too but I am a more rational thinker and I was starting to think about making a proper life and career, he seemed to be on bored with moving out and excited though. Anyway we moved out I noticed he started to get depression quite bad, he has suffered from this almost our whole relationship but now that I was living with him I noticed it so much. I'm afraid to mention this because I don't want to be judged but he also has had a bad weed addiction on and off for years, I've had my issues with it too but I'm no where near as bad as he is. I believe it broke us up once before and we promised never to get involved with it again. But it just happened overtime because all of his friends are the same way.And with his depression I think he used it to cope. He got so bad, he was on annual leave and just smoked morning til night numbing himself not leaving the house I became concerned and I started to I guess nag him about it, I told him I didn't like it and that it upset me to see him like this. I went shopping the other day and came home to him packing his bags. He told me he didn't love me the same anymore and he can't stay here he needs to go be in the snow and he's only moved out for me. He said he can't make me happy and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I love him so much and I'm so worried about him. He has cut everyone off including me, I don't know what to do. I'm giving him space but how long should I give? I want to support him, I know he is in a bad place. It was only a few weeks ago that we had really romantic moments so I'm really confused.

JayKing My relationship with my father
  • replies: 5

Hi folks, Very long story kinda short; for the last 5 years my relationship with my father has deteriorated, it's basically non existent anymore with only the occasional call to say hello and how eachother are going but even then those last maybe a m... View more

Hi folks, Very long story kinda short; for the last 5 years my relationship with my father has deteriorated, it's basically non existent anymore with only the occasional call to say hello and how eachother are going but even then those last maybe a minute or two… I always put this down to his remarriage, and that he was happy with his new family and just didn't have the time for me anymore which was incredibly saddening but I could live with it. Just very recently I learned from another family member that my theory is not the case and that he feels he "can't approach me" & doesn't know "how to talk to me" because of my "life style choice" - he's convinced I'm 100% homosexual ( he has asked me in the past, I denied it, because I'm not - I'm bisexual!) learning he feels this way makes me feel incredibly heartbroken. He's my dad, I always thought he would love me forever no matter what happened or who I turned out to be. I guess I'm just searching for what I could or should do about this situation or how to approach him about it? Part of me tells me forget it and him but my heart starts to break at that thought. Help? Sorry folks

Hseil Relationship ended because of his depression
  • replies: 7

This is my first time doing this, and I don't even know where to begin. I have been with my partner for 8 years, since we were 16 years old. 2 years ago he tragically lost his younger brother. It was a really tough time. Anyway, long story short abou... View more

This is my first time doing this, and I don't even know where to begin. I have been with my partner for 8 years, since we were 16 years old. 2 years ago he tragically lost his younger brother. It was a really tough time. Anyway, long story short about 6 months ago he started to hate his job and uni and everything was closing in on him, we started having trouble in the bedroom so he took himself to the Dr and she diagnosed him with early depression. He didn't want to take medication and didn't want to speak to someone (he tried when his brother died and it wasn't for him, even though he only went once). He let it go and thought it would get better, but I slowly watched it take him over and the light behind his eyes die. Early December he went back to our home town early for Christmas as we do each year but I couldn't as I started a new job. He is the kind of person that needs to always keep busy, so being home doing nothing made him think about everything and he was questioning our relationship and just life in general. He was open with how he felt and we talked about it and planned to see how it went. He started a summer job to keep busy and When I got back for Christmas he was just always so tired and unhappy all the time and we were open about how he felt and thought we would see how we went after Christmas. We went to Sydney for a concert and he said he would try really hard to try be happier for my sake. And he was. But on the way home he just broke down, he said he was just exhausted from trying to be happy and didn't have the energy to make himself happy and is happy. He said he didn't even feel this bad when his brother passed, so we broke up. We have both stated that we still love each other and still want to try be friends but he needs to help himself and try do it alone. I think the break up has made him realise that he needs to speak to someone because he just isn't okay. i completely understand why we broke up and know it will be good for him and me and we may come back together if it's meant to be but it's just the being apart that is killing me. Sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I break down I can't control my feelings, it's literally hour by hour. Its destroying me

Lera30 Dad not supportive enough
  • replies: 10

I am a new mum to a 4mth old and my partner is not supportive enough.I have no family here, he works nights for half the week and when he is home he sleeps and spends the rest of his time on his computer or xbox.He does however cook sometimes which a... View more

I am a new mum to a 4mth old and my partner is not supportive enough.I have no family here, he works nights for half the week and when he is home he sleeps and spends the rest of his time on his computer or xbox.He does however cook sometimes which am grateful for.Am missing normal conversation and I get annoyed as he would rather be online than spending time with his son.I don't stay at home all day either I go out a fair bit and lately I've found myself going out and staying out for hours just to prevent arguing about him being on his computer all day. It seems he cannot stay away from the screen and hv normal conversations, he has no friends and when I nag and he does sit down with us for while he is so grumpy he might as well be online!The gaming was a problem before baby but I could overlook it then by keeping myself busy with other things, he isn't a first time dad either and he is usually very caring and I was expecting him to be able to prioritise.Am I being controlling asking him to spend a bit more time with us and reducing his screen time.How much computer time do people find reasonable? Another question... He says he gets angry when our bub or any bub cries if he is tired which I find really strange.if I had known I would never have had a child with him.It makes me a bit paranoid leaving baby with him and also if we have to go anywhere with him and baby cries in the car I just get so stressed out.He hasn't lashed out or anything but it's just worrying. All this constant bickering (on my part.. as he doesn't say much just gets grumpy if he is off his comp) about it all is really getting me down and lately I haven't been sleeping well which isn't good with a new bub...am sleep deprived as it is...i hv made myself an appt with my doc for an assessment so I can catch things early if I'm postnatal and I'm also due back at work soon and I wanna be as healthy as I can be to be strong enough for that and my baby. Anyone have any thoughts on how to help myself and my partner?I do try to include him and thank him when he does help.

despairing_mum worried about daughter
  • replies: 8

My daughter and her husband have been together for 11 years but only married for 10 months. During their time together I have watched him controlling and manipulating her and made sure that I never gave him a reason to exclude me from her life as I w... View more

My daughter and her husband have been together for 11 years but only married for 10 months. During their time together I have watched him controlling and manipulating her and made sure that I never gave him a reason to exclude me from her life as I wanted to be around to support her. He left her twice over the years - once very cruelly when they were living overseas and she had no support network to fall back on. Each time he convinced her to take him back . Their last 4 years were seemingly without major incident apart from his usual selfish behaviour - but a month ago he began to withdraw from her. He began crying and drinking a lot and developed insomnia. He withdrew from his family and usual circle of close friends. He formed an emotional attachment with a female work colleague and began confiding in her whilst refusing to talk with my daughter about his issues. He would text this work colleague all the time, even when in bed with his wife and would stay out late drinking with her til all hours of the morning. He became irrationally dependant on her. He convinced himself that my daughter does not like him and anything she tried to do to help him was seen in the opposite light. A week ago after a fortnight of arguments he has walked out on my daughter. She had felt at her wits end as to how to force him to get help as she felt he was having a mental health crisis. She does not believe there is any affair with the work colleague but was very hurt by the emotional infidelity- also he left to go and stay with this female and is still living in her unit. She contacted his parents and close friends and begged for help. He used my daughter's cry for help as the cause of why he could no longer live with her as he felt so betrayed and embarrassed by the exposure. My daughter has been through an immense shock as before last month she said things were normal. They were about to move into a new rental property and she was happy and focused on their future - they were planning a baby next year. She has seen a psychologist who feels from what she has described her husband possibly has bipolar. I fear if she does return to him and he has untreated bi polar then she faces a lifetime of pain and emotional abuse with him. However, I can feel her doubts start to rise and she is conflicted by her recent wedding vows of in sickness and in health. She has heard he has gone to a doctor and been referred to a psychiatrist.