Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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IJustWantToHelp Just Want To Understand
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I am new to site I have been together with my girlfriend for just over 3 months now and while I cannot say if she has been diagnosed but is clearly suffering from something mentally. There are days are her moods are completely fine but ther... View more

Hi there, I am new to site I have been together with my girlfriend for just over 3 months now and while I cannot say if she has been diagnosed but is clearly suffering from something mentally. There are days are her moods are completely fine but there are other days where she is in the worst mood for the whole day or even 2 days. While the relationship has been going very strong and off to a great start, these moods tend to make her feel the worst about herself and she tends to push everyone away from her and isolate herself or she feels that everyone is avoiding her. She continues to say that she needs supports but what support can I actually give her when I don't know how to actually support her. She gets very stressed easily and always on the verge of crying at some points. When we talk I tend to avoid those subjects that can bring her mood to that. She has even mentioned that she hates feeling like this all the time. Like I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to her about her problems but won't really tell what she really feels and she won't tell me the completely everything. I have also tried talking her into going to see a professional to actually give her some help but she is very against doing that. I feel like that I am the only that could support her and even listen to her in these situations because she does not get any help from her family or friends. But tonight, what happened was different than before, she had started to question why I want her around and that she is a burden on me and sometimes she misses doing stuff on her own because that is what she is used to. After hearing that it made me scared and worried and emotional that she might end the relationship ever soon and I really don't want it to end because I love her and this has been the best relationship I have been in even though it has been just over 3 months. She is special to me. I just want to know what to do and what I shouldn't do. I am very confused and scared

Bob_Norton Rebuilding and regrouping in light of the seperation I never wanted
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, It's my first time posting here and, in retrospect, I feel I should have posted here months ago. My wife and I have been separated for a few months. At first, I was absolutely devastated and felt I was surrounded in darkness. I had never... View more

Hi everyone, It's my first time posting here and, in retrospect, I feel I should have posted here months ago. My wife and I have been separated for a few months. At first, I was absolutely devastated and felt I was surrounded in darkness. I had never cried so much in all my years in existing. We started a trial of 'living apart together' which, in a few weeks turned into a separation. I feel so ashamed that my marriage has fallen apart; humiliated and embarrassed. I married my wife because I wanted to share my life with her and our families. That is another thing; I love members of her family so dearly, and I feel like a bus load of people have suddenly died. I really hate my wife for this. My wife and I are now at a stage where we are not talking at all until later in the year. (My suggestion, then I didn't want to do this, but she still does) and doesn't respond to any of my desperate messages or calls. I have tried online dating because I feel if I don't keep occupied I will get really depressed and regretful. Online dating stresses me as a lot of profiles on some sites I've been to appear to be obviously fake. Does anyone have a suggestion on an affordable, good dating website? Thank you for listening today. Bob

Knightsman Married but feeling alone and unwanted
  • replies: 6

This is my first time posting and the only people that know i suffer from depression is my wife and GP. Ive been on medication for 8 years now and had a lot of ups and downs with it. Things over the last few years feel like there're getting worse esp... View more

This is my first time posting and the only people that know i suffer from depression is my wife and GP. Ive been on medication for 8 years now and had a lot of ups and downs with it. Things over the last few years feel like there're getting worse especially with my wife. We seem to be drifting further apart from each other and i have no idea how to fix it. We have 3 beautiful kids 12, 10 and 7 which seem to be the only common denominator in our relationship. We havent had sex for 2yrs and prior to that it seemed to be bi monthly at best. There is no affection from her side at all not even a kiss, if i try and cuddle her i get pushed away. When i try and talk about it she just ignors me then we end up having a fight which leaves me feeling like shit. The couch is getting very uncomfortable these days. Ive recommended we get seperate beds so i can at least sleep and she just says im being ridiculous theres nothing wrong. Sorry im going on but ive never talked to anyone about this and im having trouble working out what do or say to fix this. I know im trying but its falling on deaf ears.

Reyna Mother In Law causing problems
  • replies: 29

Hi Everyone, I am having kind of a nervous breakdown because of my MIL. For about 3 years now she has been causing problems within our family and its even affecting my daughter so badly that she is chewing the insides of her mouth to the point where ... View more

Hi Everyone, I am having kind of a nervous breakdown because of my MIL. For about 3 years now she has been causing problems within our family and its even affecting my daughter so badly that she is chewing the insides of her mouth to the point where they bleed she is 3. Basically my main issue right now is we have tried to limit the amount of times we see her due to the affect her instability has on my daughter and my marriage. But when she hasn't seen us for two weeks she will start crying and getting upset and when we do things without her and put pictures on Facebook we get passive aggressive comments about how she would've like to have been there too. She has my father in law and brother in laws calling us and suggesting we buy her framed pictures of the kids and let her babysit them for us which we don't want to do because she never does what we ask we ant trust her. It's got to the point that now every time my doorbell rings or the phone rings I freak out and suffer panic attacks worrying she is going to start some argument or say something to upset me. We had an argument a few weeks ago and we tried to get her to admit that her tears were all about wanting to see her grandchildren more but she wouldn't admit that it was about them, she just said it was about my husband not texting once a month even though we see them 2+ times a month. Its my sons 1st birthday soon and I don't think I can handle it. Last time she came over (my daughters birthday) I was so nervous I had a terrible time, I felt sick my eyes kept blinking, couldn't make eye contact. Is it weak to say Im not up to it and make an excuse to cancel? I don't know how to handle all of this I am overwhelmed. I wonder if Im being brave accepting my limits or being weak by trying to skirt my responsibilities? They live 5 minutes away from us and we keep seeing them everywhere we go there is no escape. I don't feel like I can relax anywhere. Thanks for listening anyway, any advice would be appreciated.

Dawn Born abandoned - adoption
  • replies: 7

Hi dear reader, I'd like to open with addressing the issue of adoption, abandonment, separation anxiety, trauma, no past memory of a safe place and it goes on. Firstly, I'm new to this site. The first thing that I noticed is a list of disorders and t... View more

Hi dear reader, I'd like to open with addressing the issue of adoption, abandonment, separation anxiety, trauma, no past memory of a safe place and it goes on. Firstly, I'm new to this site. The first thing that I noticed is a list of disorders and the causes of them on the homepage. What greatly concerns me is that there is NOTHING on there which mentions adoption nor addresses the issues of which adoptees face which is not that different from that of other trauma "victims". With the recent federal apology and the collective voices becoming louder, I would hope to see that this issue IS being acknowledged at the least and addressed and there is some sort of support out here for us. I was adopted at birth, am 43, female and would really like to see some support. I have managed to scroll through to about page 5 and not found anything to assist with this issue. I might point out, that this type of trauma is a specialised trauma in that it's not relative to every day living (although it is). What I mean by this is that if a person who is not adopted experiences a trauma, they have a memory of pre trauma. In other words, as I recently heard it, if you're driving along the highway to work, the same route every day, on one day you are involved in an accident on that highway. From then on you avoid that highway to avoid another accident but you have a memory of what it was like to safely drive on it prior to the accident which is something you can fall back on. For an adopted person this is not the case. There is no pre trauma memory therefore an adopted person is born into trauma, anxiety, separation, wounding - the one source of sensing, knowing the world is safe, its mother, is taken from them. This has a life long impact and varies in degrees. Of course what follows in a persons life also adds to this trauma. There are extremely limited helpers out there for this type of person yet these practices occurred 4+ decades ago (if we take this type of adoption to the early 70s). Help is LONG overdue and if there are any counsellors or assistance out there for this type of PTSD please make yourselves known to us via Beyondblue! Thankyou for reading

Kurto87 Adoption - abandonment issues?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I am new to this forum, it was suggested to me by another member as a great source of support. I was given up for adoption as a baby in November 1987 in Western Australia, and adopted into an amazing home the following February with wonderful... View more

Hi all, I am new to this forum, it was suggested to me by another member as a great source of support. I was given up for adoption as a baby in November 1987 in Western Australia, and adopted into an amazing home the following February with wonderful parents and siblings in a stable and supportive environment. My parents informed me of my adoption at the age of 12, although they were strongly advised against ever doing this back in 1987. Over the years, although it often visited my thoughts, I rarely questioned it; not because my parents were secretive or offended by it, I suppose I lacked interest until I reached my early to mid 20's. I decided to track down and make contact with my biological family in 2010, which I must say was a efficient and very positive experience for me. I have no complaints and am certainly very lucky to have two supportive families in my life now. My mental health issues lie primarily with relationships, and the (often constant) fear or abandonment. I have drifted in and out of relationships since the age of 17, some I've ended, most they have ended. I am currently in a very positive loving relationship with my partner of 12 months who I absolutely adore. However emotional/psychological patterns are emerging that I recognise from previous relationships and I'm terrified these will have a detrimental impact on my current relationship. - I feel that I am not good enough for her, and constantly question myself "Why does she love me? Is this even possible? Why would anyone?" - I overreact to small things that are insignificant to most other people. - I am jealous of her total "togetherness" while I feel like a mess inside - I constantly seek reassurance that we are ok, I look for it rather than ask for it from her as I do not want to appear 'needy'. - I feel like I am a needy person in a relationship and I feel that this is unacceptable and unattractive - I am offended when she needs her own time away from me, and I also jump to conclusions that "this must be the end of us then" - I mention breaking up occasionally when I am frustrated in the attempt to spark a "we are ok" reaction from her that desperately need (this always backfires!). It feels as if I am beating her to the chase in breaking up kind of thing almost. These symptoms are recurrent, in every relationships, and appear to be un-triggered. I am currently seeing a psychologist to assist me in dealing with these issues. Just chasing some support I suppose.

Unloved84 I feel worthless and disgusting
  • replies: 2

I'm pretty independent and didn't really date much in the last few years, due to being busy travelling and having fun. I've always had issues with the way I looked, and felt bad about myself, despite people telling me I'm very attractive.I met Luke o... View more

I'm pretty independent and didn't really date much in the last few years, due to being busy travelling and having fun. I've always had issues with the way I looked, and felt bad about myself, despite people telling me I'm very attractive.I met Luke on a dating website a few months ago, I joined as my friends urged me on and I just had a few chats with people who I can't even remember now. I started talking to Luke, he seemed nice enough and we had things in common.i didn't even want to go on the date, as most dates I've been on from the app have been boring and awkward. But as soon as he walked into the cafe I was smitten. We talked for four hours and he was just amazing. We had six dates over two months (due to work, him being away etc) have been sexually active together.He was the first guy in years that I wanted to be with. I was willing to give up my time for him, her petty much had all the qualities I was looking for. But when he got back from his holidays he was changed, colder and not that interested. I have started to fall for him, so it wrecked me. After our sixth date I was sick of him being cold and I messaged him and long story short, he does not feel the way I do, because it's all him and he is dealing with many personal issues at the moment and can't be a good boyfriend.He suggested we meet in a few weeks again, but I have not heard a word from him. I feel stupid, pathetic and like I'm the most repulsive person ever. My studying has suffered, I've lost weight and just want to cry. I try and drag myself out to see friends etc but I just feel sad. I have good and bad days. He seemed so keen and we were so good together. Same sense of humour, loved the same movies, animals and places to travel, we had similar goals in life and values. I never became clingy or angry, I was always chill but showed him that I was into him, in a healthy way.he himself said he hasn't been himself since his holiday and has been distant for his own reason. Whatever they are. I can't move past this. I feel like why am I not good enough for him ? What so wrong with me that he became like that ? This has made me question everything about myself. I feel like I never want to open myself up again like that. I'm in my thirties and feel like s***. My depression is becoming worse and I can't handle it.

TiredDownOut My illness has adversely affected my partner
  • replies: 4

I am currently feeling terrible guilt over the way my anxiety and depression are affecting my husband. I have been lucky enough to have a very caring and supportive partner for the past 18 years but I know it has taken its toll, particularly this yea... View more

I am currently feeling terrible guilt over the way my anxiety and depression are affecting my husband. I have been lucky enough to have a very caring and supportive partner for the past 18 years but I know it has taken its toll, particularly this year. We recently made the decision to move house as I hated where we were living and couldn't stand it any longer for various reasons . But my husband is ADF (Australian Defence Force) and we were living in a Defence managed property. Over 4 years we asked for help to move due to the affect on my mental health issues - they couldn't care less, it meant nothing to them. As there is no avenue for complaint my husband had to apply through his chain-of-command, so now all his work colleagues know about his 'crazy wife'. So we decided to move into a private rental at our own expense. We had the Defence house professionally cleaned but at inspection yesterday Defence Housing Australia told my husband it was not up to standards. They want us to pay $1,000 to have it re-cleaned. The reasons? There are streaks on the windows, a fly spot on the ceiling, spot cleaning the walls was not enough - the entire wall space has to be cleaned. Now it is my husband who is on the verge of a breakdown and Defence could not care less. So one of the largest employers in this country really could not care less about mental health of it's employees or their families. My husband had tried his best to look after the well being of his family and now he is suffering for it. I don't know what to do.

butterfly2 Sister issues
  • replies: 2

My 13 year old sister has been showing signs of depression, but its more anger and frustration than feeling teary. But I don't know whether it's a teen thing or whether it's something more. How do you tell? It's been going on for a few months, but I ... View more

My 13 year old sister has been showing signs of depression, but its more anger and frustration than feeling teary. But I don't know whether it's a teen thing or whether it's something more. How do you tell? It's been going on for a few months, but I dont want her to think she should go see someone if if it's not anything too serious. I want to help her, but like a typical teen, she blocks everyone out. What can I do to help?

SandyG How do I get past that my Fiance cheated on me
  • replies: 4

Hello, I have been having a sad few days, having a bit of trouble getting back on track this time. I found out at the end of May this year my Fiance had been in contact with a fling he had when we were taking a relationship break during 2012. We got ... View more

Hello, I have been having a sad few days, having a bit of trouble getting back on track this time. I found out at the end of May this year my Fiance had been in contact with a fling he had when we were taking a relationship break during 2012. We got back together late 2012. We got engaged 2012 and bought a house together two years ago, living together. He has 3 children by two previous wives and I have two teenagers that live with us from a previous marriage. When I found out about her I was naturally deeply devastated, I explicitly trusted him. It turned out she is married, has been scamming her husband and several other men, she only wanted money and gifts from all of these men, told my fiance a complete life story of lies. He developed feelings of compassion, and love for her over these years, they were telling each other they loved each other. He was working towards leaving me to be with her May. I felt something was wrong in our relationship, that is why I started snooping around. When I confronted him May the cover ups and lies started, but he confessed then ended things with her; her marriage was blown to pieces and consequently our relationship has suffered. In a moment of time I went from explicitly trusting my Fiance to suddenly seeing a different person and not trusting him at all. Over the last 3 weeks I have received information from her husband of a phone account. I asked my Fiance about it and he came up with a crazy story of IT hacking etc etc and use without him knowing of which I don't believe, he had created that phone account so she could freely make calls to him and this account was created at the time I found about their "affair". He told me that he chooses me, never slept with her, he was falling in love with her but regrets it all, feels stupid, used and remorseful, terrible he has broken our trust, he said he ended it with her mid June this year and severed ties then, he said he wants me forever and will never do this again, he will be true, loyal and will love me better than he has. I don't know how to get past this sadness and insecurity to gain trust again. When I try to talk to him he will only talk about it for a short time then shuts me down and wont talk, he tells me he loves me and hates it when these things pop up where I need to talk about it; as far as he is concerned it is in the past, he has paid penance and wants us to forget etc. I would greatly appreciate any advice. Kind regards, Sandy