FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Anxiety for both of us

KittyCat3
Community Member

Hi,

Im new to the forum but feel I need some advice. I have been living with anxiety most of my life due to my mothers distructive alcoholism. I am now married and have a child. Ive been with my husband for over 7 years and I am now feeling very concerned about the direction of our relationship.

I have seeked help for my anxiety many years ago and know what to do to manage it.

My husband on the other hand clearly shows signs of anxiety from focusing on a small issue and blowing it completely out of proportion to getting so anxious he is physically sick. He has been told recently by a doctor that it appears that he has anxiety. I dont see him doing anything about it and it is very clear that it is debilitating for him.

I dont know how much longer I can keep going trying to manage my anxiety, look after our child and try to deal with my husbands anxiety. I really no longer feel anything for him and we are like housemates living under the same roof.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

5 Replies 5

BballJ
Community Member

Hi KittyCat3,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

It is very tough when a partner is dealing with a mental health issue especially when you yourself have been through it and know what it's like. My first question is have you tried talking to him about getting further help from a psychologist, so he can learn ways to deal with it, or is he acting like it isn't there? Possibly a relationship counsellor is needed for you both as well to try and heal the marriage too.... how do you both go with communication with each other as well?

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello KittyCat, it does become an awkward situation when you maybe able to control your own anxiety, but when you husband is in denial and won't do anything to try and help himself, it makes your recovery so much harder, and it will get to the point where you lose hope which means it's a struggle.
The trouble is that if you concentrate on trying to help your husband before you look after yourself, then it's going to be a very unhappy marriage, and remember you can't help him until he wants to help himself no matter how hard you try, it will only make you become worse off.
Your past anxiety may or may not be the same as what you had in the past, because circumstances are different, you now have a husband and a child, which could be slightly different to your alcoholic mum situation, but when you consider it, the same effect will still happen to you, which I'm so sorry for.
Perhaps you should decide whether you and your child want to move out, which may shock him into getting help. Geoff.

KittyCat3
Community Member

Thank you Jay. I have asked him if he is going to go to his GP and he said he might. Im pretty certain he wont though because he doesnt see it for looking. Unfortunately his mum has always been dismissive of mental health issues, so my husbands more inclined to think he can just get over it.

I have had councilling numerous times and ive also seen a psychologist but I dont know if the suggestion of seeing one together would get me anywhere.

I feel like im a bit of a "rock in a hard place".

KittyCat3
Community Member

Thanks Geoff.

My anxiety has been the same most of my life and unfortunately my current situation is not helping it.

I am too worried about my husband and my child so ive neglected myself. I was always good with my diet and exercised regularly but this last year has taken a toll on me.

It can be very hard when my mum has never been there for me and Ive had to cut off contact with her because of her behaviour and now Im with an unavailable anxious husband.

BballJ
Community Member

Hi KittyCat3,

I understand, you feel like you can't do anything because really it is sort of out of your control, people can only be helped if they ask and want the help. It may be something you need to keep talking about with him so he can seek the help. Does he have any close friends or siblings that you can maybe talk too and they can try and talk to him.

Keep your head up, I know it is tough but you have to try and remain as positive as you can, not only for your husband but for yourself as well.

My best,

Jay